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Paranoia and Schizophrenia
Former Member
Posts: 117 The Mix Convert
TW: paranoia, hallucinations, suicide attempts, DID, PTSD, possible schizophrenia
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TLDR: I might have schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder and I am terrified.
Hi,
Not sure this is the right place to post, but thought it may be a good place to start. Also sorry, its going to be a long one.
I was recently (within the last fortnight) diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. It was a long time coming and not too much of a surprise given I have had episodes of switching out with alters, etc. I have also had a number of suicide attempts recently, which have landed me repeatedly in hospital, several times needing treatment to prevent damage. Its all been very scary. Amongst all this I am still dealing with the affects of my trauma (which is what precipitated the DID diagnosis, as part of the diagnostic criteria is severe and repeated trauma before the ages of 7-9). So there have been a lot of realisations recently...
Anyway, that's the background! In addition to this, I suffer with hallucinations (4 voices, 3 of which I see as visions, and 3 of which are extremely critical/threatening: eg. last night I made my flatmate lock the door because I was so scared of them getting in the house and hurting me). I've been told that this is atypical for DID, but that some people can experience their alters as hallucinations. So, I sort of thought that's all that was going on (the atypical DID that is).
However, in addition to this, I experience a lot of paranoid thoughts, which has been going on a few months (maybe since January, although I have had other experiences before this- for example a time where I read my cat's mind and he told me to kill myself). These involve things like thinking friends (when they are on the phone to people) are plotting with my voices to hurt me; seeing random messages when reading stuff on my phone; getting dates out of phone numbers and being convinced that things are going to happen on those dates; thinking people can read my mind and I can read theirs; voices on the TV being distorted and sending me messages, etc etc.
Obviously this is all really scary, so I finally brought it up with my therapist the other day (who contacted my psychiatrist) and we had a chat. She suggested that she thinks I might have paranoid schizophrenia, which was really challenging to hear, because of all the stigma surrounding it, but it also feels quite dismissive- like someone is just saying I have an illness when really I am being followed and these things are happening. I just wanted some advice if anyone has any experience with psychosis or schizophrenia, or just some reassurance that it isn't the end of the world if this is what's going on.
Sorry that was so long and thanks for reading if you did!
AJ xx
-
-
-
-
-
TLDR: I might have schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder and I am terrified.
Hi,
Not sure this is the right place to post, but thought it may be a good place to start. Also sorry, its going to be a long one.
I was recently (within the last fortnight) diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. It was a long time coming and not too much of a surprise given I have had episodes of switching out with alters, etc. I have also had a number of suicide attempts recently, which have landed me repeatedly in hospital, several times needing treatment to prevent damage. Its all been very scary. Amongst all this I am still dealing with the affects of my trauma (which is what precipitated the DID diagnosis, as part of the diagnostic criteria is severe and repeated trauma before the ages of 7-9). So there have been a lot of realisations recently...
Anyway, that's the background! In addition to this, I suffer with hallucinations (4 voices, 3 of which I see as visions, and 3 of which are extremely critical/threatening: eg. last night I made my flatmate lock the door because I was so scared of them getting in the house and hurting me). I've been told that this is atypical for DID, but that some people can experience their alters as hallucinations. So, I sort of thought that's all that was going on (the atypical DID that is).
However, in addition to this, I experience a lot of paranoid thoughts, which has been going on a few months (maybe since January, although I have had other experiences before this- for example a time where I read my cat's mind and he told me to kill myself). These involve things like thinking friends (when they are on the phone to people) are plotting with my voices to hurt me; seeing random messages when reading stuff on my phone; getting dates out of phone numbers and being convinced that things are going to happen on those dates; thinking people can read my mind and I can read theirs; voices on the TV being distorted and sending me messages, etc etc.
Obviously this is all really scary, so I finally brought it up with my therapist the other day (who contacted my psychiatrist) and we had a chat. She suggested that she thinks I might have paranoid schizophrenia, which was really challenging to hear, because of all the stigma surrounding it, but it also feels quite dismissive- like someone is just saying I have an illness when really I am being followed and these things are happening. I just wanted some advice if anyone has any experience with psychosis or schizophrenia, or just some reassurance that it isn't the end of the world if this is what's going on.
Sorry that was so long and thanks for reading if you did!
AJ xx
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Comments
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/schizophrenia-treatment-and-self-help.htm#