Another rant of mine and want advice possibly

Former Member

Actually i'm not feeling like terrible (apart from that thing I recounted earlier in the rant thread which really annoyed me) and rethinking of who I should be friends with and what I should be involved with. I still felt like writing out things anyway because i'm thinking things over.

But like I did have a few brief moments I felt kinda upset over the past week or so.
I was one upset while nothing bad I said I live at home and all to some ppl they said there is no reason to move out and like I know that was meant to be supportive of my choices idk sometimes I question if I am happy just at home.
At least they were supportive and all. Tbh I wouldn't mind staying at home at least for sometime longer
I also don't feel like I can bring anyone around, do what I want unless its approved some how.
Maybe when the pandemic ends I can do more things but one of the people who invited me to stuff pushed me away and maybe that was in part that I couldn't meet during the pandemic which feels like a weird reason but probably more than just that. I guess I could try making up but I just feel this eerie feeling of unease but I might try again.


One thought I did have is its strange how some ppl my age or younger have achieved so much or look so much more mature than me.
I feel like there are a lot of things that hold me back I feel like I dont have the chance to express myself fully. I think I wouldn't mind being at home more if I could do the stuff I want but the fact is i dun feel like i can. I am also too scared often to do anything. It doesn't help I dont always feel comforable telling parents everything and maybe I need to improve but i also feel like why should i at this age, and I also get really irrationally scared and I wish someone could help me with that feeling but I don't have any trusted friend, sibling or other family to help. But it feels like if you stay at home you have to at least say some things no matter what age you are, but idk how to make it a more even relationship and feel freer cuz i feel like always protected. And also the whole idea that women are always in danger and cant go out alone in the forest or whatever like I get there are dangers especially at night and in certain areas but like ya know. I don't always want to be like made to act like that nor told I need a man with me or something. I feel like I always have to go along with others and I don't feel like I can do and go somewhere just on my own, other than when I was at work but it feels taken from me because of the pandemic and now i dont even know when and how often we can be back to work.
I can't even walk properly at the moment though since many months ago i hurt myself so yea.

Id like a chance to travel or go somewhere but I feel like I am told that everything is dangerous or could be. And i dont know who I can trust or how to explain certain things in my life. I kinda feel like nobody really cares about me and I feel stuck.

Former Member

Hey @tkdog sending hugs, sounds like you’ve got a lot going through your mind right now. Does writing these things out help you? I find it really therapeutic.

So the people who said you have no reason to move out - do you think this upset you because you felt judged or for another reason? You might have plenty of reasons to move out if you want to, that’s not for anyone else to judge 😊

On the person who said that pushed you away, do you think you could have a conversation with them and share how you felt pushed away? It doesn’t necessarily mean you will make up but means nothing gets left unsaid and you don’t need to make assumptions, which are usually worse than the truth!

It’s really hard to compare yourself to others and still be happy - we see people who appear to be doing ‘better’ but it’s just surface level stuff really. Remember we don’t always see other people’s struggles along with all that stuff 💜

I really relate that a lot of things are scary right now. I know you said you didn’t have a trusted friend or family to help but I hope we can help you here.

You mentioned that you’re feeling very stuck at the moment. Is there anything that you enjoy doing at the moment, however big or small?

- Lucy

Former Member

Yeah I mean writing always helps a bit.

I talked again with that person just to check in how things were but not other things.
I don't know i just don't feel like talking someone so much if they aren't interested tho they seemed a bit better now. I don't really feel like discussing it tbh because I feel like more it's just they aren't interested in talking and putting it out there would make it worse more than anything since I haven't really said anything for months so it feels old and I know what they are like with that sort of thing. The only reason im reminded of it is being in the same group chat. It just more they made me feel bad before and also to some extent im confused if I like them from my side because of the way this person acted and still acts today plus things that changed about them, at least some of that I have discussed before. I think maybe it would have been better if i brought it up b4 and asked them if they were busy or something but at the sametime I wanted to respect their space because of the pandemic, now I feel it's easier to let it pass.
They never message me first anymore and I know some people just don't feel the need to or happy to talk once u messaged them but we been friends for a long time and felt close so idk but now I don't really feel that anymore anyway, and not sure if I want to or not. Just feels like meh. I could try stuff but it feels like things have just faded. They have other friends and I feel I am not really part of that anymore, and I dont feel like meeting with them till things are closer to normal because atm I rather meet with ppl who respect my space and only meet one on one. I wouldn't mind meeting them but it feels too chaotic atm thats why dont want to intiate anything too much and before he was pushy to meet up when I wasnt ready to and after I said I might not be able to he didnt say anything much again.

I mean I do have things I enjoy i'm just kinda feeling bored after a while and unstimulated.
But I still feel stuck especially not being able to go out n that in the same way as before there are some good things that came out of the pandemic but it sure feels like lasting a very long time and it's also scary to think of normality. I don't even know if ppl will want to hang out with me again lol I haven't done so since the first lockdown

lovemimoon

Heya!

I haven't seen your rant but just wanted to say that I relate to a lot of what you're saying.

When the pandemic hit, I believe it placed our relationships to the test. It put a lot of things to the test. With your friend, if they have pushed you away then maybe you can try and have a conversation? If you feel like there's something more to it, then it's best to clear the air between them. However that conversation turns out, we're here for you if you want any support.
If you don't mind me asking, why do you feel uneasy?

I feel like there are a lot of things that hold me back I feel like I dont have the chance to express myself fully.

That's completely understandable, especially with the situation we are in now. It takes a while to fully find a place and/or method to express yourself fully. It takes more time to be comfortable with it. Experiment with what you have and if you feel comfortable with it then go for it.

Addressing 'it's dangerous for women outside' situation. It's not safe for women nor men to go out in general. I feel like there's a whole emphasis on women due to societal standards.
As someone who wanders around at night, I believe you can keep yourself safe as long as you are aware of your surroundings and you know where you're going, what to avoid, who to avoid, etc.