Relationships

Hi guys

So I've been with this girl for about seven months now and I keep thinking I'm not enough we've been together for 7 months but I just want your guys opinion how do you tell if your enough in a relationship?

The good thing is I think I'm settling back into a routine with this one because when we started dating well not exactly dating but you know what I mean I was worried because obviously I had things going on like with my ex behaving like an animal all because I ended it I now know what happens when you have that clingy ex cause she's acting horrid to me I'm still not sure on this whole dating thing because of what happened but whatever happens in this one I'll be there for her

Another thing I wanted to ask you all is what do you think the hardest part of relationships are because I'm trying and practically almost killing myself to do everything I can for her it's not easy but I'm willing to try anything since I haven't had much experience this whole relationship thing is still quite new to me but I understand it enough as to where I can actually commit to it but given my social anxiety even though I doubt it'd ever happen I'd be the worst date ever I know you all don't really know me that well but given how quiet I am I'm not sure how well I'd do on a date or any of the "extra stuff" if you know what I mean

Also I'm trying to improve on my social anxiety my girlfriend gave me some things on here to help me but I wanted to see what you guys think if anything at all

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Former Member

Hey @awesomeminecraft6789, thought I'd move this post to sex and relationships, our relationship squad and users in similar situations are more likely to see it here and they give great advice and support

It sounds like you're dealing with this really well, having a negative experience with an ex can be enough to put anyone off a future relationship! It's great that you put yourself out there with an open heart and have found someone new.

Giving someone all of your energy and effort can be extremely exhausting and can make you feel like you aren't good enough because you have no energy left to give. For me when this happens, I try to give myself space and time to re-energise. Being open and honest with your partner about this will help them to understand your needs and why you might need some space.

It's great that your girlfriend wants to help you through your social anxiety, perhaps that's a good sign that she's willing to give you her energy and effort and that you are enough for her.

Sending you lots of hugs

Former Member

hey @awesomeminecraft6789 I'm sorry your query hasn't had many replies since you posted!

First of all, I would say to not compare your current relationship with your previous relationship. This may be difficult at first because starting a new relationship with another person is always a very new experience and can take some time to get to a place where you fully understand your partner and your relationship together as well as their needs and wants combined with yours. Its only natural to use your past relationship as a sort of 'template' for your new one as you work towards this, so I would say to just always remember that this is a completely new relationship and everything will be completely different!

Also, not having much relationship experience really isn't a bad thing, and isn't something you should stress over. All it ties down to is that you like her, and she likes you - and everything else will fall into place! You'll pick things up about each other and you'll learn new things every day about one another that will make you feel more comfortable and confident in your relationship!

It seems a little like you're placing a lot of expectations and pressures upon yourself to do absolutely everything you can in your current relationship so that it doesn't turn out the way your past relationship did! Just remember, your girlfriend is in a relationship with you because she obviously really likes you and likes spending time with you and wants to build a future with you! This is already proof in itself that you are 'enough', so try to stop overthinking so much as you may create problems that don't even exist! It sounds as though you care a lot about your girlfriend and she does about you too!

Always here!

Former Member

Hey @awesomeminecraft6789 I would definitely say that the main idea is to never compare your current relationship to your previous ones! It can definitely have a negative effect on your current relationship so I would try and remember that no person is the same and that your ex is an ex for a reason. I'm sorry to hear about your previous relationship as I know that can take a toll on your views of relationships in general but just remember that not everyone is like that.

In terms of wondering whether you're good enough, I can assure you that you are. You and your partner are in a relationship for a reason, there are many people out there and they chose you because you are special to them and vice versa. However, sometimes it might be the case of miscommunication where they dont show as much affection as you'd like, which would make you feel unwanted. The simplest solution is to have an honest chat with them. Find out how both of you would like to be shown affection and love and work on those. You could make it a fun thing and do 'love language' quizzes online, which show the type of love your partner and yourself are most likely to feel the most loved from.

Also, in terms of you being new to the relationship scene, just remember, that everyone has to start somewhere and everyone was in your shoes at one point. Try not to put pressure on yourself and just remember that you and your partner are a team, so if there is anything you're worried about try to have a chat with them as communication is the most important. I'm really glad your girlfriend is supportive about your social anxiety and is trying to help! If anything this shows just how much she cares about you.

Sending lots of hugs!

Former Member

Communication is the best thing in the world.
Share your fears, worries, anything. let her share hers.
Set boundaries in the relationship - this has really helped me in my relationship. Just letting eachother know what we are comfortable with and what we aren't, how we do not like to be treated, what makes us feel crappy,etc.

You can't make someone happy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And you definitely can't make someone happy while burning yourself out. Eventually you'll just be exhausted.
There will be days that you might argue, or not feel 'loved up'. That's normal. Everything is not always sunshine and rainbows.

If you're feeling like you're not enough, it could help to share that. But first think about why you don't feel like you're enough. Is it because of your last relationship? is it because of past friendships or family relationships? Is it an anxiety thing? Then just think - has your girlfriend ever made you feel not enough or done something to suggest that?
Hopefully the answer is no - but if it's yes, you have to tell her that. She can't change that behaviour if she isn't aware it makes you feel that way.

awesomeminecraft6789

Past User wrote: »

Communication is the best thing in the world.
Share your fears, worries, anything. let her share hers.
Set boundaries in the relationship - this has really helped me in my relationship. Just letting eachother know what we are comfortable with and what we aren't, how we do not like to be treated, what makes us feel crappy,etc.

You can't make someone happy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And you definitely can't make someone happy while burning yourself out. Eventually you'll just be exhausted.
There will be days that you might argue, or not feel 'loved up'. That's normal. Everything is not always sunshine and rainbows.

If you're feeling like you're not enough, it could help to share that. But first think about why you don't feel like you're enough. Is it because of your last relationship? is it because of past friendships or family relationships? Is it an anxiety thing? Then just think - has your girlfriend ever made you feel not enough or done something to suggest that?
Hopefully the answer is no - but if it's yes, you have to tell her that. She can't change that behaviour if she isn't aware it makes you feel that way.

Hi

Thank you for the advice but I got dumped not long ago because I don't like talking according to her and I've been in one of the worst moods possible I've got a school counsellor now but I'm not sure if it's working also I got into an argument with the same girl last week because she's acting like I'm the one who dumped her literally I'm just trying to move on but she's acting like I've done something to her she weren't in Friday probably because of that and I did kind of shout at her but in my eyes it felt deserved ill probably regret it later on but if felt good to you know have some power over what happens next because I haven't forgiven her and chances are I'm not going to ever but I'm just willing to see how things go