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Mistakes playing on my mind. (Possible TW)
Past User
Posts: 0 Just got here
I’ve really gotten myself worked up over such a little mistake 😂. I know one day I’ll probably laugh about how stressed out I am over something so silly but right now I feel awful.
You don’t have to read this, it’s just to calm my brain down and stopping my thoughts from spiralling more.
In short I made a mistake on my UCAS form for my university applications. I’ve emailed a teacher and tomorrow I’ll ring UCAS, so it will probably get sorted out but right now my whole body is full of anger and this horrible feeling of dread . I know there’s worst things to happen but right now my whole body feels like it’s shaking.
Im angry at myself for messing up , and I’m angry at my friend for pointing it out, which is silly and unfair because she did me a favour and it’s not her fault. She’s a lovely person but she always does everything perfectly. It makes me paranoid because I feel like she’s looking down on me which I know is silly but it’s feeling I can never shake.
It’s strange I often cry it helps me release my emotions but I really didn’t want to today, I kept trying to ignore everything in my head but it’s not working. I feel really weak and stupid. I wasn’t in a good place so I texted shout, it was a really long wait. They kept texting that I was still in the queue but it was just busy. And because of that somehow I missed the text that a volunteer was there. I realised and was about to message that I was there but I was too late. I was keeping everything in but after that I just burst into tears, and I haven’t stopped yet. This is so stupid and pathetic I know that. But writing this is out is helping.
Things could be a million times worse. I’m a very lucky individual but right now my thoughts are overwhelming.
I’m feeling a little better after writing all of this. Don’t worry I’m completely safe.
Always here if anyone ever needs anything. Sorry for being nuisance I went through my list of coping mechanisms and this was the last one. I feel alright now. It’s all going to be ok.
Have a good day.
You don’t have to read this, it’s just to calm my brain down and stopping my thoughts from spiralling more.
In short I made a mistake on my UCAS form for my university applications. I’ve emailed a teacher and tomorrow I’ll ring UCAS, so it will probably get sorted out but right now my whole body is full of anger and this horrible feeling of dread . I know there’s worst things to happen but right now my whole body feels like it’s shaking.
Im angry at myself for messing up , and I’m angry at my friend for pointing it out, which is silly and unfair because she did me a favour and it’s not her fault. She’s a lovely person but she always does everything perfectly. It makes me paranoid because I feel like she’s looking down on me which I know is silly but it’s feeling I can never shake.
And I’m annoyed at my mum. I’m really lucky to have her , she’s an amazing mum and I know this sounds really ungrateful. She told me not to stress and I got annoyed at her told her that’s like telling water not to be wet, then she said something that really upset me. She threw the fact I self harm in my face, I know she’s just worried but it made me feel weak. Every time I went upstairs if I was more than ten minutes she’d come and check on me , it really bugged me. She doesn’t know the full story of the self harm and she never will, because eventhough she cares about me she’ll always be angry about self harm.
However I’m eight weeks self harm free. I’m safe. I’m determined to make it through tonight with my clean streak.
It’s strange I often cry it helps me release my emotions but I really didn’t want to today, I kept trying to ignore everything in my head but it’s not working. I feel really weak and stupid. I wasn’t in a good place so I texted shout, it was a really long wait. They kept texting that I was still in the queue but it was just busy. And because of that somehow I missed the text that a volunteer was there. I realised and was about to message that I was there but I was too late. I was keeping everything in but after that I just burst into tears, and I haven’t stopped yet. This is so stupid and pathetic I know that. But writing this is out is helping.
Things could be a million times worse. I’m a very lucky individual but right now my thoughts are overwhelming.
I’m feeling a little better after writing all of this. Don’t worry I’m completely safe.
Always here if anyone ever needs anything. Sorry for being nuisance I went through my list of coping mechanisms and this was the last one. I feel alright now. It’s all going to be ok.
Have a good day.
5
Comments
Hopefully you can get it sorted don't worry my brother made a little mistake on his and it was easily fixed
Re your mother I totally relate to that sometimes I've snapped when someone says something that isn't really helpful to me at the time it can be frustrating. I'm sure they really cares about you and it maybe just doesn't come out right sometimes?
Its not pathetic at all sometimes a good cry is all we need x
Sorry to hear the wait for shout was so long I imagine during this period it would be too! Glad you're able to seek support here 💕
Things could be worse definitely and it can help to reflect on the positives but just make sure you do not invalidate your feelings, you deserve to seek support. You're allowed to feel how you do
We're always here to listen!
🌈Positive thoughts🌈
"This is my family. I found it, all on my own.It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch
"Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot
"I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
My parents do care an awful I know that. It’s just I also know my mum’s views on self harm and that sort of thing, I know she cares and she’s just worried it just always comes out wrong. It’s never like she’s being supportive and telling me she’s there it always feels like she’s telling me off. I know she’s disappointed by it and I’m piling stress on her.
Crying is something I’ve always viewed as a healthy coping mechanism. But it’s out of control tonight I finally stop then all of the sudden I’m crying again . I don’t really know what I’m crying about anymore.
Thank you again Laine. Hope you have a wonderful night
You’re right crying is incredibly healthy even if you don’t know what you’re crying about, it’s letting your feelings out and that’s always good and much much better than bottling it up in your head. I totally agree with Laine that 8 weeks SH free is incredible, it is absolutely amazing and you should be sooooo proud of yourself, I’m really proud of you. I think a lot of people don’t understand self harm and think the way to help someone with it is to shame them and tell them to stop, whereas actually that’s not helpful and it’s actually really horrible to hear. I know it doesn’t help me either if people do that. Actually people are much better off being kind and letting someone talk about what makes them feel the way they do and causes them to self harm.
Even the people who care the most say the wrong thing sometimes, I know I’ve done it to people in past and instantly regretted what I said because I made that person feel like I didn’t care when really I did and all I wanted to do was help them. Your mum might be the same, she cares and wants to help you.
I’m really really glad you’ve wrote things down here and you’ve found it helpful, we’re here anytime at all if you ever feel you need to rant, a chat or just to write things down to get them out of your head. Queues for shout can be pretty long I’m sorry you couldn’t get through tonight, remember there’s other services out there too if you ever feel you need more urgent support
Take care, keep talking to us
Its really comforting to know I’m not the only one. Sometimes writing things out or distracting myself with music helps but I was in too much of a panic tonight. If you ever need anything I’m always happy to listen
Crying is helpful but also incredibly draining, I wish I could just go to sleep but as soon as I switch off my music I end up getting myself all worked up again.
You're definitely right about trying to help people but not having the right words. I’ve definitely said the wrong things in the past too. Self harm is different for everyone it’s especially hard for people who have never experienced it to understand, I know I should be more grateful mums trying her best. I know she cares it’s just hard to hear some of the things she says. I just wish sometimes she could forget about it which I know is unreasonable.
Ironically the long queue helped me cool down but realising I’d messed up and missed the volunteer felt like a kick in the teeth.
I feel better now, I still feel sad which I know is weird but it’s a safe sort of sadness. Writing definitely helps thank you again for replying.
Have a good night I’m always happy to listen if you ever need anything.
Anyways, congrats for self-harm free for 8 weeks! I'm glad that you're able to prevent this, like Laine said, 8 weeks is really a long time and I'm very proud of you!!
I can relate about your mother sometimes. In short, my mom doesn't understand what privacy is and telling me that I'm selfish for not letting her see my journal. She also said that people who commit suicide are stupid and ungrateful for their lives. Everytime she says that makes me furious inside. To me, it is better to talk it out about self-harm than telling them to stop just because it is bad. I still love her as my mother too, even she had did something to me in the past and being annoying sometimes.
Like Ellen said, I also agree that we all make mistakes sometimes, even the people we care about. You already love and being grateful to her as a mother like you said, and I'm sure she loves you as her child too!
Again, I'm glad that you're writing this out again Spaceotter. It's okay to cry and it does make you sleepy and tired after that, but you will feel better after you took a nap for a while! So in combination, talk about it and cry it out are healthy to cope, I had experienced it few times, it can be overwhelming before, but after I talk it out, even writing in here, I can feel someone reading or listening to me, it feels refreshing after that!
Have a great day Spaceotter. Whenever you want to talk about something, we're always listening and supporting you!
Thank you, I don’t think I could have reached eight weeks without the boards and everyone’s support.
Thank you again I really appreciate it, I’m always happy to listen whenever you need someone to listen.
Hope you have a lovely day
Sounds like mam wasn’t so helpful, she has no right to bring up your self harm. 8 weeks clean is absolutely amazing. If she reminds you of the self harm, just remind her of how strong you’ve been to stay clean for 8 weeks. Keep going, you’ve got this.
It’s really positive that you find writing everything down helpful. It can feel awfully heavy to keep everything in so I’m glad that you’re sharing it with us so that we can help carry some of that weight. You’re not ever alone
You're definitely right, mistakes are horrible especially when they play on our minds but they’re a part of life. I’m slowly learning to forgive myself for mistakes, after all I’m only human.
Thank you , I don’t think I would have ever gotten to eight weeks without you and everyone else here
Writing things down definitely helps me. Thanks so much for your kindness. I’m always here if you ever need anything.