So so confused

Former Member

Basically, I have graduated from University with a terrible grade and now i have no motivation or desire to pursue a career. I begin filling out grad scheme applications and when they send me numerical assessments or video interviews and stuff, I just don't do them and the deadline passes and my application is withdrawn. 

The reason I have a terrible grade is that I just couldnt study. It may sound weird but i dont know how to explain it any different. I would sit down at a desk and the work would just seem so hard or it just wouldnt click for me and I would just sit there for hours doing everything and anything but studying. The only time I was able to pick stuff up was a day or two before the exam, then everything was suddenly making sense. but by that point it was too late, this cycle has been continually happening every year from Year 11 till my third year of university. My GCSE results were ok, My a-level results were terrible and now i have a bad grade for my degree. 

I dont even want to work in the field I did my degree in anymore too and i just feel like pressures from those around me and stuff is making me feel like i have no time to do anything and its "make or break" 

i feel like i could keep talking forever about all the things that have lead me to this position im currently in. I follow the same routine all day which is wake up, eat, watch youtube videos, go for a walk, eat, sleep. 

I spoke to some people anonymously and they suggested i contact my GP about possibly being depressed and this was something i was not comfortable doing at all. i already DREAD talking to people so to talk to a GP about me being depressed was a massive No no. i eventually found a sort of "online assessment" that i did and was sent to the GP...but they completely dismissed it. when i finished it, it said i would be contacted by the GP by "Monday 21st Sept" but no one has contacted me. 

I dont feel comfortable telling anyone around me about what i feel and i have a sort of resentment for them anyway. that this is somehow everyones fault. I also just saw a post about someone who said they may have autism and what they were saying is sort of what i was feeling so i did an online test (on clinical partners.co .uk) and the results said i am showing symptoms of autism. Seeing that is what lead to me making this post, i feel like if i was to be diagnosed with something it would make me feel even sorse because then all i can think is that "maybe i could have gotten help earlier then i wouldnt be in this mess" in fact i didnt ever used to thing there was something "wrong with me" i used to think i was just a lazy procrastinating person. 

i dont know what to do, i dont know what im aiming to achieve with this post. i just dont know. 

Former Member

Hey @Past User 
Firstly welcome to the Mix! This is a place where you should feel able to post anything you're thinking about without any need to worry about what there is to be achieved. This is a safe space where people can find and give support  

I'm sorry to hear about the pressure you've been feeling at university and the pressure you've been feeling since graduating. I have had friends decide uni wasnt for them because their mental health wasn't suited to that environment. And I've also had friends who didn't graduate with their intended degree classification but have made the best of it and are very happy with where they've ended up. In summary, uni isn't for everyone and it certainly doesn't have to be our peak, if anything uni is the start of our education! So please don't feel like it's too late 💪

In terms of how you're doing now, it sounds like there's a lot of external pressure thats making you feel like you "should" be applying to grad programmes. In a covid-free world, what would you be wanting to do now you've graduated? 🌍

Former Member

Hi, @JamJar

Thank you for the welcome!

i always think that going to university was one of my biggest mistakes. if i could start over i would definitely have never gone. 

To answer your question, I honestly dont know. I cant think of anything id rather do. the only reason i am applying is to just "get a job" i dont have any passion or motivation to pursue any career over another and im just choosing what will accept me at this point. I feel like im at a complete standstill  

Former Member

Hey @Past User.  Welcome to the boards!

Firstly, I wanted to say well done for opening up here. You say you dread talking to people, so you have shown a lot of strength and bravery by sharing this with us - and I’m really glad you decided to do so. We care and we are here for you

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment, sending hugs your way I agree with @JamJar, university isn’t for everybody and, really, this stage can be the beginning of everything. Regardless of your grade, the fact you have completed a degree is something to feel proud of. Uni is so much more than academics; it’s a place where you build life skills like learning to care and cook for yourself, learning to navigate a new city, and simply discovering a new level of independence. You will have grown in more ways than you realise at university and those are all skills that will support you throughout life. 

Graduating uni and entering the working world can feel like a very daunting experience for many, if not all, students. Additionally, it is really quite common for students to decide the degree they took perhaps isn’t the career route they’d like to pursue. And you know what? That’s okay! That is so totally okay. Of course, your feelings are very valid and you made a great choice by sharing them with us here - you deserve support with these challenges. I just want you to know that you really are not alone in this - many people have been in similar positions and have surely found something they loved and succeeded, even when they felt they wouldn’t - so I really believe you can too. 

I was listening to an episode of Fearne Cotton’s ‘Happy Place’ podcast the other day, she was interviewing Jay Shetty, and they were discussing finding your career path in life. They pointed out one very important thing (cliche, but very true), that it can take time to find your calling. There really is no rush, sometimes you do have to try a range of different things until you find what feels ‘right’. However, they also shared some really great advice which I will type out in the spoiler below (just to save this post from being too long haha!)

‘’Purpose = passion + strengths + compassion.” You may be in a job that you don’t feel passionate about, but this job may well help you to build useful strengths to later carry over to your passion. In Fearne’s example, she was a brilliant tv presenter but felt she lacked passion -she didn’t overly enjoy it. She then transferred her skills in presenting to create her own podcast in the self-help industry, something she is passionate about. And compassion is what will really keep you going. So even if you haven’t quite found your passion yet, any career that you take will help you to build all sorts of strengths. And when you find your passion, even if that’s something that doesn’t immediately seem like it could be a career, you can apply your strengths and begin to turn that passion into your purpose. So every little job along the way will help you to build these strengths that can really support you in the long run

I’m mindful that this response is already quite long, so I won’t say too much more just now. However, it seems like from your post that you have a few things you might like to discuss - your career, depression and your thoughts around a potential autism diagnosis. Is that right? I’m wondering how it would be to break this down a little - e.g, discussing your career concerns at the moment, and then we can later address further concerns, just to make sure nothing gets brushed over. How does that sound?

Take good care