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The importance of being genuine
Truthfulness and genuineness on The Mix have been something the staff team has been trying to grapple with for a while. We decided to
dedicate a pinned post to it in Start Here so we can explore it fully.
Authenticity
(being real or true to yourself; not being false) is important for a
community like this that relies on mutual trust and support. When
someone supports you, they're investing in you; they're giving their
emotional and mental resource to you as well as their time. Supporting
someone is also an act of vulnerability because to connect with someone
and empathise, you need to open yourself up too and we all know how
hard that can be.
If that effort and
vulnerability isn't met with some genuineness about you and your story,
it can make people feel 'cheated' and the community might be less
comfortable opening up to support you in the future.
We genuinely believe telling a false story comes from a need for support and - crucially - that people who tell false stories about themselves deserve that support. This isn't a moral judgment; we're not saying this behaviour is right or wrong. Either way, it's a reality that genuineness is a non-negotiable part of joining a community like The Mix because of that emotional investment. If you feel compelled to present yourself in an untruthful light for whatever reason, we'd suggest using 1-2-1 services instead.
It's important to note that this doesn't apply to minor details. If you want to say you're a different age, or that you're at college instead of school to anonymise your story, you can and should do that. This only becomes a problem when emotionally weighted parts of someone's story turn out not to be truthful. For example, a trauma they experienced or a life-altering health condition they have.
Accounts that don't appear genuine are likely to be approached by staff, or banned outright in cases of obvious trolling or spam. We'll always make the best judgment we can as a team with what we know.
If you think
someone is being untruthful in a harmful way, don't confront them or call them out; come
to us with your concerns. This keeps you out of any drama and also means
the community stays a warm, supportive place. Newcomers or lurkers who
see someone being questioned about their truthfulness may be less likely
to open up for fear of being accused of the same thing, particularly if
they want to share a similar story. It's important we encourage people
to seek support as much as possible.
It's
also worth remembering here that we never know for sure what's true.
Everyone deserves a presumption of truthfulness, even - and especially -
if their story is an unusual one.
Post edited by JustV on
16
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
but you’re telling me we have to not reply when someone’s story is not making any sense at all. ?lol? So we can’t be like “you said this, but now you’re saying this” like you’re meant to understand a situation before you can even support someone.
And I know you say to aviod it to aviod drama but some things need to be called out - like as in real life - you would just say it. You wouldn’t be like oh yeah stop let me go tell this person to tell them. (Ie a mod). Like we have our own voices and it’s life. We should be able to question in same way you would. Imo
at others. Need support but doesn’t make it right and not seeking it where appropriate.
I believe that if someone comes with a story which isn’t perhaps true, they are still looking for support with something. Be it the story they’re telling or something they don’t yet feel ready to share. Some people may be testing the waters, seeing how the community reacts. Although it’s hard to support someone when their story isn’t quite adding up, it think it’s important to either let them know that they’re being heard anyway or bite your tongue and inform a member of staff who can deal with it behind the scenes. This saves any embarrassment for that individual and doesn’t make the community feel like an unsafe space to reach out.
If someone is indeed telling a false story then there is clearly a reason for it. If it were a troll, they’d be bored in no time. They are clearly needing some kind of attention/support. It may be the fact that they feel like their own story isn’t serious enough to be heard. I think this makes it even more important for us to always show kindness, if they know they’re going to be treated as a friend, they’re more likely to have the confidence to reach out for support with the real issue... there clearly is an issue. It might be that they’re lonely, you just don’t know and so it’s not our place to judge.
I think this thread is great and I really like the fact that we are being encouraged to message the mix privately with these concerns instead of dealing with them ourselves. I haven’t used the mix for very long but I’ve seen it myself, where someone was called a liar. It felt cruel to me, because what if it was true ? Not saying be gullible, saying give people the benefit of the doubt and if stories don’t add up, message the mix so it can be dealt with properly.
@The Mix
Also at which point does it turn into enabling that kind of behaviour? How is it keeping the community safe? I do believe that their needs to be stricter rules when it comes to this sort of behavior as it can create tension in the community.
I'm guessing more than one person has mentioned a pattern in multiple accounts being opened with the same storyline and dishonesty so it's clearly caused upset.
We all come here for safety and at the moment it doesn't feel safe.
I feel like calling people out holds them accountable in my honest opinion and lets them know that it's not tolerated and that their behavior has affected other people.
I can totally hear you guys and know exactly what you’re talking about I just wanted to share my opinion lol.
It's just hard not to get emotionally involved, i guess it's hit a little too close to home
I’m not gullible or daft. I just think it’s important to show kindness despite whether or not a story adds up. I know who and what you’re talking about and I also know that this person has been reported to the mix. I trust that they will deal with it appropriately.
please re read what I said. I’m not saying believe them. I’m saying it’s important for us to not call them out and for us to let it be dealt with professionally.
I knew someone like this in m personal life and it got so messy
Edit the Word was vigilant
Even more annoying that the mix are probably thinking the exact same thing otherwise this post probablyyy wouldn’t be here. But yeah just can’t prove it’s always the same person so can’t do much. So no offensive lol but it’s hard to understand what will gain by messaging you rather than saying it out right on the boards lol. Apart from to vent but it’s still being unfair to others
@Liam had a really good point above, where he said they are still looking for support with something or need some kind of attention. Even if a story isn't genuine, the support need behind that behaviour is. Equally, your emotional responses to that are understandable too. Our goal here is to foster some empathy and understanding for both sides of this situation.
I'll admit I called someone out in PM and got In trouble for it.. it's not worth it and just creates negative environment.. just rant it out to the mix and let them work it out, a lot of work goes on behind the scenes.
I feel like people should get points for calling others out on the boards..but that's just my opinion.
I just want to flip this on the head for a moment, how would you feel if someone outed you on the boards and made accusations? (Delete this bit if not allowed)
This is why when I see this going on I struggle to respond to the post itself because to do that and say something without necessarily meaning to would be really wrong. So I just avoid.
Sometimes its better to just mute them for a while and rant to the mix privately
idek why people lie. It’s not even support for you it’s just for someone who it might of happened to and I don’t understand it at all.
like jelly said. It feels like we have to tell a teacher lol. We aren’t kids. We can call someone out about it and not be horrible to them if something isn’t adding up. Just ask them to be more clear and honest as they can be
Mute and report concerns to the mix Instead of risking get yourself in trouble.
You also completely missed the point of my comment.
calling someone out if done right isn’t awful. It can actually be done with understanding and kindness. Lying about such things is awful.