pressuring

Former Member

A couple of months back I was seeing this woman but quickly put an end to things as she made me feel quite uncomfortable. After I ended things, I saw her out in a pub whilst I was with friends and she kept pulling me aside to ask if we can sleep together one last time - i said no every time and it was obvious she was making me feel very uncomfortable (i’m a 19 year old girl and she’s 29 if that adds to the situation) but she didn’t give up and told me that we WILL sleep together that night and I again said that I didn’t want to, she also kept leaning in to kiss me despite me pulling away and not reciprocating any of the actions. She then got angry because i didn’t want to sleep with her and started shouting at me in the middle of the pub, calling me a cunt etc. and it took a couple of my friends to pull her away from me because she was starting to get quite rowdy. 
Bear in mind she wasn’t even drunk, or at least she only had a couple of drinks. When she left she sent me a text explaining how I made her upset because i wasn’t clear in my actions (i was) and that I should know how respectful she is of me but that with age i’ll learn how to communicate my thoughts? ridiculous. 
Anyway, whenever I think about this time I feel sick but I’m not sure if i’m overreacting as a lot worse happens these days and I understand she was sad. It just makes me upset because funnily enough I once trusted her and it’s weird seeing a person turn on you like that. I suppose I just wanted to vent but if anyone wants to contribute please do! 

independent_

Hi @Past User and welcome to the mix. It’s great that you wrote about this here and venting is always ok.

You’re absolutely not overreacting. I’ve been pressured to do things before by people online and it really is horrible. Your age has nothing to do with your ability to communicate your thoughts and your right to say no - I think from your description that you were very very clear and she should not have continued, whether or not alcohol was involved.

Good for you for remaining firm and sticking with what you wanted - that shows your resilience. And in this day and age, that’s a great thing to have.

Former Member

Hey @Past User 

I agree with @independent_ . You are definitely not overreacting. 

No means no. Period. 
Consent is required by both people when they are engaging in any form of sexual activity. You quite clearly said no. Whether you shouted no at the top of your voice or shook your head, you did not give consent.

I'm glad you are using The Mix to vent and let out how you are feeling. It's a good idea not to hold onto negative emotions.

I know what you mean. It's so surprising when the people closest to you turn out to be a completely different person.    

Hope you are doing well and staying safe !

Tee A 

Former Member

Hey @Past User 

I just wanted to echo what has already been said and particularly to say you should be really proud of yourself for standing your ground! Sometimes it can be easy to give in and do something that you don't want to do so well done you

I totally agree that it's so horrible seeing someone that you were close with turning into someone that's not very nice to be around but I think you noticing that and being able to say no to her shows that you are starting to move on.

Former Member

Seems as if she was throwing her toys out of the pram cause she didnt get her own way with you. Welldone for being strong and not giving into her or letting her manipulate, pressure or bully u into something u didnt want to do she said she is respectful of u funny that cause if she was she wouldnt of been trying to push u she wouldve accepted the answer was no to sleeping with her! She seems crazy, stag strong and move on💕

Former Member

Hi @Past User
I'm glad you reached out here to talk about this, it sounds like a really unpleasant experience to have to go through, especially when it was someone that you had trusted. It's awful when someone suddenly turns on you like that then suggests it's your fault because you had not communicated correctly or how they wanted. 

From what you've said, you are definitely not overreacting and want to confirm what everyone else has said that you should be proud for standing your ground and not doing something that you were uncomfortable with. 

Glad that you are expressing how you feel here, we are all here for you to listen and support you.