TW reason for post about mckamy manor

ellie2000

The reason I asked bout 'mckamy manor' is coz I wanna b mentally worn out, beaten up and sexually assaulted 😀 and near to death 😵😵😵 
At least it will be voluntarily
My current state is not good

Former Member

It does sound like you're in a bad state Do you know what's making you want that and how you'd feel if it happened? You mentioned that at least it would be voluntary, is that the reason why?

ellie2000

Tht wat happened inmy life already, I'm having flashbacks 😞 wen I'm not busy.
Wat activities r there to keep the mind busy

Former Member

It must be so horrible having flashbacks. I can only imagine what it was like to go through sexual assault and everything else you experienced

I personally find it helps distract me a little to hang out with my grandmother. Have you got any people who feel comforting to be around and that you can spend time with at the moment? I also like to compose music or listen to my favourite bands, exercise, and play with my pets. I thought of a few other ideas which I put in the spoiler, do you think any of them would work for you?

Take a walk

Play games like you've been doing on playstation

Learn something new, like a language

Tidy up

Make drawings or other creative things

Do some baking

Find a challenge to focus on, which could be finding a new outfit to buy, walking up stairs a certain number of times each day, or anything really

We're always here if you need to talk

ellie2000

I play keyboard I do metal covers, not atm coz it's to big it's a Yamaha 61 key flash one too 😀😀. I like hanging out with cats wen they're around, I gave up writing coz it became scary

ellie2000

Some of my poetry:
I took the knife
To kill his wife
To end her life

ellie2000

U r my light
But it feels like a star is dying
Bring me to life
All I'm doing is trying 😭😂

Former Member

It's really cool you play the keyboard, I do too! Cats are lovely.

Your poems are nice

How are you today?

ellie2000

When I wake up I think 'meh' even before the pandemic. How are you xx

Former Member

I'm sorry to hear that, that's a rubbish way to think What other ways would you describe it? Do you feel disinterested toward life, for example?

I'm not great. I'm sure I'll cope though, thank you x

ellie2000

I feel disinterested in life even before this outbreak of the pandemic. Out with 'friends' who carried out the sexual assaults. At home at tht time I was being bullied by 'proffessional' ppl n housemates. I was getting bullied online too. I struggle these days
Recently I fought back on Facebook bcoz my one of my therapists told me too, then the police defended the ones that carried out the assault. But one police officer turned up who was my friend from swimming n he listened

Former Member

Do you know what @ellie2000 ,I believe you and well done for standing up for yourself, you're not alone in this

Former Member

I'm so sorry you were getting bullied. It sounds like all that happened in the past was really traumatic for you. Do you still go to therapy?

It must've been upsetting when the police defended the ones who carried out the assault and I'm glad the other officer listened at least

ellie2000

I had 20 weeks of therapy ,should I have more, 2 more phone calls left. She said something about EMDR Wats tht?

Former Member

@ellie2000 EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. In this therapy they try to get you to reprocess a memory whilst stimulating the brain in the same way you would if you were asleep. It's sort of like trying to get your brain to do what it does when you in REM sleep. 

That way you can try to put a different narrative on the memory so that it doesn't effect you in the same way. 

Hope that makes sense?!