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Agitated.

SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
in Health & Wellbeing
Do you like ever just wake up and feel so agitated to be alive:(. Like really agitated and agitated being the exact word to describe it. 

I had an email this morning to ask me to do my peer support worker interview over video chat. ( i was suppose to have it a few weeks ago but got postphoned because of corona) and just looking at the email thinking omg i cant even do that job why did i even apply. 

I feel like shit
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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Comments

  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,194 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Shaunie :) 

    Sometimes when we’ve had a difficult few days waking up can be really difficult. Do you ‘now what about being alive makes you feel like that or is it just a feeling in general?

    How do you feel about doing your interview over video chat ? I think you would be really good and have a good chance of getting the job and even if you don’t it will give you the chance to gain some more experience in having interviews. <3 

    Have you had a look to see if there are any other jobs for PSW going closer to home for you ?

    Do let us know how your video interview goes if you decide to go for it 

    massive hugs ❤️
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 309 The Mix Regular
    Sending hugs @Shaunie - are you feeling any better today?

    I definitely have those days. I think most people do. We can't be positive and content every day and feeling agitated is totally normal (especially with the state of the world at the moment).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    edited September 18
    Hi @Shaunie, sorry to hear you've been feeling agitated some days, I definitely get those days sometimes. As @Past User said, sometimes it can just be really tough to feel positive some days. 

    It's understandable to be feeling anxious about an interview, especially if it has been postponed for a few weeks and there's more time to feel nervous about it but any interview experience can be really helpful experience for applying for jobs. When is your interview?

    We are all here to support you. 

    Post edited by TheMix on
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Hey thank you all! I wouldnt say some days. More like most / nearly everyday i wake up like that. But i guess its just life. 
    About the interview they said will email me early next week for time and date. Like ong just let me get it over and done with pleasee
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Ive been trying to keep on contract with friends and people before coronavirus stuff. And now even harder. Cause am most distant person and making it even harder. 

    But i am like dating someone call lee and hes nice and al but feel ugly compared to him so i dont think that will last long lol. And been speakingn to two other friends. Gunna meet after all this. But i mean ive said that before and i cancel cause stressed.

    and i have session with counsellor tomorrow over text. I just wish could see her face to face :( doesnt fee the same
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Hi @Shaunie it's tough feeling that way every day, have you considered speaking to anyone about how you've been feeling recently?
    I hope the interview goes well, it's understandably very frustrating having to continuously wait for updates and just wanting to just get on with it, but it also means you have lots of time to prepare.

    I've linked a Mix post on interview tips below if you're interested. I know it's an online interview but the tips may still be helpful.
    https://www.themix.org.uk/work-and-study/getting-a-job/job-interview-tips-1218.html
    https://www.themix.org.uk/work-and-study/getting-a-job/how-to-interview-for-a-job-1217.html
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    IM really sad
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 77 Budding Regular
    Hey Shaunie. Just wanted to say hi and send hugs. Hope tomorrow is kinder to you. Can you go sit in the sunshine for a bit maybe? Play some music? Go kick a ball for your dog? Have some ice cream?

    Hang in there. Here if you want to talk.x
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Hey thank you @Arianna ! 
    Just had a nap and feel better but actually might go in the garden to play with teddy
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 77 Budding Regular
    Hi Shaunie! How're you doing? Hope you have a restful evening x
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    I just had counselling through text and now i only have one left 😭😭😭. I told her i feel sad about it she ignored it. I told her atleast last session wont be awaste of me crying til i can barely breath. But she ignored that too
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 660 Incredible Poster
    Hey there @Shaunie it sounds like counselling didn't go as well as you had hoped it would, is that right? 

    It can definitely be tough when support is coming to an end, and with you only having one session left I can imagine it's causing many mixed feelings. You mentioned that you told her you felt sad about it but she ignored it, that mustn't have been easy. Would you feel able to talk to her when you have your last session, about how that makes you feel? It may also be worth asking about other support maybe if you feel you can?  <3

    Keep us updated  :)
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Yeah maybe. I don’t know though. I think maybe its cause she wants to focus on helping me. But yeah i need help on how sad i will be next week. I think it's making me a lot sad thats it's though text now though. Seeming less sad then if it was in real life but i might say different next week ah. 

    Im tempting to ask her what she would do if i text her after not being supported by her. Cause i just can imagine i will. 

    She kept asking me if these sessions have helped. Which yeah is obvious will ask. But she was more asking about coping. I said i think i need to work on when i feel triggered as still going that hard to cope with a bit. But generally in my body i feel less dirty. Which she didn't seem to actknowledge and more on how i cope when fel triggered. But surely prevention is better. If i feel triggered but my mind set is less associating things with being dirty then isn't that better than trying to just cope. That is something that i will mention next week. I also want to mention this rock where it said hope and suppose to give it to me. As like holding the hope for me. But for some reason I'm too scared to aSk about it:(. Maybe it's because I'm using it for something to ask her as a reason to message her after the support is gone. lol hope that isn't the reason i dont want to. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    It can be really tough therapy coming to an end @Shaunie. It sounds like you've made a lot of progress in these sessions and have felt able to open up a lot to her which isn't easy to do at all. We're all really proud of you <3

    It's understandable to hear you're feeling sad about your sessions ending, it sounds even harder not being able to say goodbye in person and having those sessions over text. What do you think can help you after those sessions have ended? Has anything helped you in the past when support has come to end?

    The rock is a really nice idea too, try not to feel afraid to ask about it. Having things to help us hold onto hope can be really important. You mentioned you might still find it hard to cope when you're feeling triggered, perhaps this rock is something that might be able to help you in those situations <3

    Keep us updated with how you're feeling and how your last session goes, we're all here for you :) 
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you @Aife I'm gunna try to Ask about the rock. I mean she can't think I'm weird i hope. IM also going to explain how the sessions have helped me cause she seems more focus on coping when that's not my aim. May write a small list of things to say so i don't forget lol. 


    Aw it's so sad:(. It's like see each other each week and then it goes to nothing and like she didn't exist. I'm really tempted to ask her if she would reply if i messaged her in about a year time. Just a general hi And not to really seek support but idk. It's really sad. I hate the thought of people just disappearing. I know it's the whole point but it's sad cause i know extreme but it sometimes feels as sad as grief. Because in some ways it is. 
    Like i told her how sad i becomes when i stopped seeing the abuse. I mean i wasn't sad because of what happened to me i was sad the relationship was over. And she said it's like gief cause he did show me cared thats how he made me stay with him and like when any type of relationship ends you grieve for it back if makes sense?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    I'm feel so lonely:'(
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    I would say my suicidal thoughts have been getting better for a few weeks. Still there but less intense and since i keep thinking only have one session left. I feel really suicidal. I don’t know if it is to do with having only one session left but im feeling really bad. I always feel bad at the end of things and this feels the closest ive been with a professioonal because ive said the most to her and now i just fee like im going to be left alone with it. And i don’t know how im going to stop myself from texting her after last session:'(. Its so sad. You speak every week. Then nothing and feels like it didnt even exist😭😭😭. I feel empty all the time. But when professional leaves me, it feels like the most i cry
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    does anyone want to talk to me lol? ....I feel really sad and lonely 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Nevermind. I support others. No one here to support me
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Living the Zen life 🧘🏼‍♀️ Posts: 1,989 Extreme Poster
    Hey @Shaunie I'm here if you want to talk <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Im feeling really frustrated. Just want to skip to the part i die
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Living the Zen life 🧘🏼‍♀️ Posts: 1,989 Extreme Poster
    @Shaunie What's frustrating you? <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    edited April 2020
    Not having a good life or living like everyone else. Just want out.   Not really worth it
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Omg i want to go out now I'm losing my head
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 77 Budding Regular
    Hey @Shaunie . We're all here for you! And even when we don't get the chance to reply, we're all still reading and thinking of you. I know things are hard right now. And it's never easy to lose a source of support. But we're all here to support you in whatever way you need. 

    I guess it's in part about trying to reframe the perspective - professional relationships aren't quite personal, in spite of the fact that you share a lot of personal feelings. It's not personal when they 'leave,' it's more just a case of it being time to mutually move on. You've gained what you can from that particular relationship and now you move on. And that loss can be painful, and that's valid, but it's part of the process. It's how you grow, when you can learn to implement some of the things you've learned are independently and come to trust yourself.

    We're all in this together, Shaunie. It's a real hard time all round. You aren't alone in that. So for now please just try to keep yourself safe and take it a day at a time. We've all got you. Take care.x
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you very much but i feel so suicidal now:'(
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 77 Budding Regular
    Hey Shaunie. Sorry this evening’s been difficult. Here if you want to talk about it.x

    Is there anything specific triggering difficult feelings, or just a general vibe? Can you maybe try do something to look after yourself this evening - watch a show or make tea or go to bed with a teddy?

    Take care of yourself. Rest tonight if you can. I hope tomorrow treats you more kindly.x
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    IM not sure what triggered me but clearly  something did cause i feel really bad. Like things are going back wards and just keep imagining my soulless body being dead and seem peaceful
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    edited April 2020
    Ah shit. Ive just realised i havent taken my anti depressants for two days. Just remembered this night. But i dont think two days could make me feel this suicidal?  Idek how ive forgotten i usually remember every night. But yeah i dont think thats the reason tho as only two days. I think i just cant handle life
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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