Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options

Is live really blind?

One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 605 Incredible Poster
Is love really blind? Do looks actually matter am I being shallow? These are really hard questions I’m asking myself. Ok so I haven’t had much luck with dating they either think to highly of themselves, sex crazy or just very disrespectful. There was one guy who was just like “if we are in a relationship I would worship you, you’ll never have to pay for anything, I’d do everything you want ect” I found that very creepy!!

so amongst these guys is a guy named Craig. He is seriously the most amazing person I could think of, he’s respectful, he’s funny He wants me to be happy and always makes me laughing, but.. and I feel like a awful person I am not physically attracted to him. We met on a dating site and went on a few dates, so I suggested we stay friends, he was a little upset but wanted to be friends and still he is that amazing person, making me laugh and smile one time I was having a bad time, he messaged me and asked what was wrong, then offered to take me for a coffee so he could try and make me smile and added on (as friends) so I didn’t think he was trying anything.

 I feel so horrible here I am talking to this amazing guy and yet I’m stopped from being in love with him because I’m not physically attracted to him. 

It’s like I love him but not in love with him and I hate myself for that.

Comments

  • Options
    coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Hi @One-in-a-million

    You are not an awful person for not being physically attracted to him :smile:

    Whilst looks really aren't everything, I do believe they are still somewhat important and play a part in someway. So it's very normal that you might prefer this as a friendship - it's not your fault at all :heart: Sometimes people can fall in love with a person and then actually the more the fall, the more attractive that person becomes in their eyes. Other times this physical attraction just isn't there - and that's okay. Just try and remember not to pressure yourself to feel any certain ways, it is absolutely okay to feel the way you feel. Take care :heart:
  • Options
    Han93Han93 Posts: 309 The Mix Regular
    Hi @One-in-a-million

    I just wanted to echo what @coc0mac said, you are not an awful person at all. I think part of what sets friends apart from possible boyfriends/girlfriends is physical attraction.

    Just think of it in this way - you've both made a great new friend in each other :)
  • Options
    AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,931 Extreme Poster
    Hey :)

    For some people physical attraction means a lot, for others not so much. No need to be ashamed of what you find attractive, as it's important! Love who you want to lovex

    Much love <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • Options
    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,348 Part of The Furniture
    coc0mac said:
    Sometimes people can fall in love with a person and then actually the more the fall, the more attractive that person becomes in their eyes. Other times this physical attraction just isn't there - and that's okay. Just try and remember not to pressure yourself to feel any certain ways, it is absolutely okay to feel the way you feel. Take care :heart:

    Totally agree with this ^ :)

    Sexual chemistry is often a big part of what people need from a relationship, and it's okay if that's just not something you're feeling. Equally like @coc0mac said I've gotten to know someone before and become more and more attracted to them over time. It's a funny old thing sometimes!

    And like @Han93 touched on, often these things are what separate friends from more than friends. No harm in becoming good friends and then seeing if something more develops later. :)
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • Options
    Tee ATee A Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Hi @One-in-a-million

    I also agree with the other guys! You are not a horrible person because you don't find him physically attractive. 

    I have been a similar situation to you and this is how I helped myself understand what was going on. I thought to myself, if the man was actually a woman, how would I feel? Assuming you are heterosexual like myself, I would feel great because I have made another great female friend.

    I believe the same, sort of logic, applies for males too! Regardless of how I met this person, they have now become a great friend of mine. It is not fair on yourself to make yourself feel bad for not being attracted to someone. Sometimes we find people attractive and sometimes we do not. 

    I hope this helped!

    Tee A :p
Sign In or Register to comment.