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Release dates

LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
in General Chat
Has anyone gone through a perpetrator's release date which you was a victim from? (Dosent have to be rape) how did you cope with it? Shaun the person who raped me is due for release on the 13th January. I don't see me exsisting then😥

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    DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,788 Master Poster
    Is there any way of you applying for a restraining order from Shaun after he is released from prison? I understand that it would still be difficult knowing that he is out of prison but at least he cannot hurt you. He should also be on the sex offenders register so the police will be watching him.
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    He hasent got a specific restraining order no but my VLO said he won't be released in the city I live in and also she is going to apply for him not to enter my mum's town as I come down here a lot. Yep, he'll be on the sex offenders register for 15 years after that he can apply to come off but none of these things make it easier.
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    DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,788 Master Poster
    I can understand that none of those things will make it easier for you. 15 years is not long enough. It has to be for life. Why did he not get the death penalty? If I was the judge I would have given him the death penalty? Rape is an absolutely disgusting crime. It causes PTSD and other mental health issues. 

    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
     <3 @Lubna i cant imagine how hard that must be 💔. My heart goes out to you  and will be thinking of you. Im sorry i cant relate. I hope someone replies who can. We'll support you through it <3 x
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Kasa2103 said:
    I can understand that none of those things will make it easier for you. 15 years is not long enough. It has to be for life. Why did he not get the death penalty? If I was the judge I would have given him the death penalty? Rape is an absolutely disgusting crime. It causes PTSD and other mental health issues. 

    I know! And I have no idea why he didnt get the death penalty! He should have!
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    DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,788 Master Poster
    Can I make a petition to make sure he gets the death penalty instead of being released? I understand that it might not help. I just hate rapists. Fucking hate them. Rape is the worst crime ever. 
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited November 2019
    If you want to! And I agree!
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    DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,788 Master Poster
    Actually what can be done just from a petition.
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I don't know🤔
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    DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,788 Master Poster
    Sorry.
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
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    Jade09Jade09 Moderator Posts: 660 Incredible Poster
    Hello @Lubna

    I just wanted to pop in to say that you are really brave, going through this can't be easy but you have a lot of strength in you  <3

    Keep fighting  <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,788 Master Poster
    I totally agree with @Jade09 that you are really brave. Stay strong and keep fighting. ❤
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
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    BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    I've been through this, and honestly im still struggling.. I spent longer in hospital than they did in prison and basically the system is just fucked.

    I wish I could offer more advice on how to cope with this, all I can say is don't let him stop you living your life, that's my biggest regret, its harder done than said I know.

    (also just putting this in there) if he makes ANY contact whatsoever, tell the police! i don't know if it's different where you are or if there was an act or something put in place, but one of my attackers wasn't allowed to contact me at all.(it was only one that got sent down) 

    sending massive hugs! <3
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
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    DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,788 Master Poster
    BubblesGoesBoo said:
    I've been through this, and honestly im still struggling.. I spent longer in hospital than they did in prison and basically the system is just fucked.

    I wish I could offer more advice on how to cope with this, all I can say is don't let him stop you living your life, that's my biggest regret, its harder done than said I know.

    (also just putting this in there) if he makes ANY contact whatsoever, tell the police! i don't know if it's different where you are or if there was an act or something put in place, but one of my attackers wasn't allowed to contact me at all.(it was only one that got sent down) 

    sending massive hugs! <3
    That is totally fucked up Bubbles. It is most definitely not long enough in prison for them. I think that the law needs to be stricter on crimes like rape and what you went through. Why would only 1 attacker be banned from contacting you? It should be that they are all banned from the earth  (given the death penalty.) Sending massive hugs to you if you want them. 
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
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    BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    @Kasa2103 none of them did contact me after the attack, but I think the police put something in place for the one that got sent down cause he got released early on good behaviour but there were conditions he had to stand by.. the others I think the police just told them not to contact me but there was nothing in place? im not sure, but either way I haven't had any contact off them... and thankyou for the hugs :) <3


    @Lubna I forgot to say, the first few weeks will be the hardest, you'll constantly be on edge, but it does get easier, do you have any support going through this? Woman's aid have been a big support for me with overcoming the trauma .. unlike the CMHT who just focus on emotions mainly, woman's aid focus on the trauma, and help you come to terms with it and help with the symptoms? (is that the right word? (like nightmares/flashbacks/anxiety)) they also gave me a personal alarm when he was released, and for the first few weeks that's the only reason I could leave the house, it made me feel a bit more safe … could you look into getting a personal alarm? <3
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    I did have a personal alarm when it happened in 2015 but I don't know what I did with it. I'll ask for another one though.
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    PoppyBPoppyB Posts: 228 Trailblazer
    Hi @Lubna I thought I would check in to see how you're feeling? I want to echo what everyone else has said that you are so incredibly brave and strong to carry on fighting through this. @BubblesGoesBoo has given some excellent advice :)

    Have you told anyone about how this anniversary is making you feel? 

    You mentioned thinking that you won't exist by the date of the anniversary - those thoughts sound incredibly overwhelming. If you ever feel like you need further support, Papyrus have a free confidential helpline at 0800 068 4141 or you can speak to Samaritans on 116 123. 

    Please do keep us posted with how you are feeling and remember that we are all here for you. Sending lots of hugs <3
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Not feeling that great😥 yes I have told people about how it's making me feel.
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    StephanieStephanie Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Hey Lubna, :heart:

    Sorry to hear you don't feel great- do you want to talk more about anything? We care about you :heart:
                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Can't believe it's next month his coming out😥
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    Jade09Jade09 Moderator Posts: 660 Incredible Poster
    Hey Lubna,

    It's understandable that you would feel scared about him coming out so soon, I can imagine its quite an overwhelming feeling, is that right?  <3

    You're incredibly strong and we all believe in you  :3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Yep, 40 days until his release date don't know why I have it on my countdown but I do🙄
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