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Can you wait too long to meet someone who you’ve been messaging online?

AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,056 Boards Guru
Image result for online datingHey everyone,

The longer you leave it without meeting up with someone you’re messaging online, the more likely you are to build up an image of someone which doesn’t quite match your expectations. Can you wait too long to meet someone who you’ve been messaging online?

Share your thoughts on this discussion below :) 

Aife
Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤

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    LaineLaine Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    I think you definitely can,  I've been in 2 LDR/online relationships and while the first was toxic I think the thing that killed it the most was not meeting. 

    With my second and current one we had known each a while but started talking personally around October last year and towards the end of the month we met up. While I'm super happy I think it could of ended had we not met up,  we're long distance again for the meantime and it's working great becauae we see each once a month but I don't think it would of been so strong had we not met :)

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,558 Skive's The Limit
    Dont really understand the statement/ question. So im guessing its cause i think no. Aha. 

    Dont really have that much experience with this & online friends though, of where some people do - of constantly messaging soemone on a one to one sort person everyday for ages ect, i speak to people online but in a sort of distant way in some sense.  i mean i have some exepreince of meeting up online people but a few days after so dunno if counts. 

    But anyway i say i dont get the question cause i dont get the statement of 

    The longer you leave it without meeting up with someone you’re messaging online, the more likely you are to build up an image of someone which doesn’t quite match your expectations. 
    Im confused on why is this? Cause Theyre the same person. Surely you get to know them more if anything. Think you can tell someones personality over text. So do people change over a while or once meet up with them after speaking for months or something - i don’t know cause never experience that. But wouldnt think so. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,056 Boards Guru
    Hey @Laine thanks for sharing a bit about your experience. Can you tell us a bit about why it was important for you to meet up sooner and why you feel your relationship is now stronger? :) 

    This is a great question @Shaunie. There's some research that was done around this which explains this a bit more. I've copied a section of the research below:
    "Online daters create mental constructs of their potential partners by reading their online dating profile, using that information to fill-in-the-blanks of who the partner might really be in the offline world. Daters who wait too long to meet in person, and therefore cross this tipping point, might find it difficult to accept any discrepancies from their idealized mental construct of their partner (Ramirez et al, 2015)".

    What's everyone's thoughts on this research? 
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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    DancerDancer Community Champion Posts: 7,911 Master Poster
    Meeting someone who you don`t know in real life, so only online is dangerous as the person who you think is a 17 year old might be a 43 year old looking to kidnap teenagers and young adults.
    "There's a part of me I can't get back. A little girl grew up too fast. All it took was once. I'll never be the same." ~ Demi Lovato
    "The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
    "I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,558 Skive's The Limit
    Oooh that sort of relationship. Have No idea about online dating Either. Ah. Sorry probably only me who reads it as any form of relationship in these questions

    But then yeah can see how you can wait too long, as can imagine, they can be great online but totally different in real life and eggagerate on their dating profiles & build up a different image. And probably best to meet within a few days as probably would end up just being online relationship 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    tkdogtkdog Posts: 281 The Mix Regular
    It is strange how different it feels, online vs offline... people have different communication styles.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,558 Skive's The Limit
    edited October 2018
    I suppose it applies for any type of relationship really, it could be just a friend or someone who means a bit more.

     Na i dont really agree
    @Aidan

    For friendship - i dont think the more time you spend texting - the less youre to likely like them in real life. I think completly different ; from potiental partner. You can ‘click’ with both online. But difference between friendship chemistry and romantic chemistry. Cause i think friendship chemistry you can see online but romantic chemistry can only be face to face.  Cause think friendship chemistry you can see from conversations, how you speak, interests and stuff to see if like the person and can see if you ‘click’ with that person in that way on text as well as in real life. But romantic chemistry is different & need phsyical attraction & i mean you can ‘click’ with your online partner over text but then in real life be dead af for ages and not have any romantic chemistry at all and what not & then may aswell only be friends. And then that how think people get disappionted aswell

    Imo. Dunno, have no idea. could be same for both relationship sort. Dunno but dont really think so. And sounds like that research was only for online dating

     Dont think that has made any sense. Just a load of ramble. ahh 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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