How do you tell your partner if you’ve got an STI?

Former Member

Hey everyone,

 

Finding out you have an STI can be difficult enough as it is, but telling your partner can seem even more difficult. Although it is important to share this information with your partner to make sure you are both being safe going forward, knowing the right words to say is not always clear.

 

So how do you tell your partner if you’ve got an STI? Share any ideas you have here.

 

Greta

Former Member

Just be up front.

It should be straightforward and easy if it's from a past relationship, just say something like "I made a few mistakes in the past and I wasn't careful and I got *insert sti here*"

It can be much harder If you caught it from shaving needles for a drug habit nobody knows about or if you have cheated bit it's a very important topic you should sit them down with and explain in detail. 

How someone got it doesn't matter to me I'd rather know x

Former Member

@Aiden & @Past User –

It definitely sounds like being upfront with your partner could be the most painless course of action, but knowing exactly when to do it could be tough to figure out. If you’ve just started seeing a new partner, do you think there’s a right time to tell them? Is it something you should tell them right away, or might it be better to hold off?

As for telling past partners, I’ve actually seen that there are some online programs like this one that you can use to inform past partners anonymously that they may have been exposed to an STI. A program like this might be a good way to avoid any potential awkwardness or bad feelings between exes.

Let me know your thoughts on all this!

Greta

Former Member

I'm torn over this, 

On the one hand it is a good system but I see many flaws, 

For one example if it was a one night stand you may not know their contact info. 

I also just feel it's a little I guess cowardly to not send them an email or text personally.

I would much rather them tell me in person than to hide behind an automated service,  might just make exes more mad 🤔

Former Member

I agree with Laine and Aidan, being upfront about it is important (though, I suppose, as long as the other party is informed one way or another is the most important thing). If you handle the situation as calmly and maturely as you can, you should be able to expect your partner to do the same and respect you for being open about it. If they're not so thankful and are rude about it, then I'd maybe try talking about it again after overcoming the bump in the road, though if this doesn't turn out well again either then perhaps it's just not meant to be.

As for when to tell your partner, I think you should definitely tell them before you engage in any sexual activity. Whether this is right at the start of the relationship, or just before any physical intimacy, I think depends on when you feel most comfortable and ready. I personally don't think RIGHT before any activity is preferable, but it's still better than never. I also believe that the anonymous service with contacting exes is a good idea, since it still gets the message across, without any potentially awkward and/or uncomfortable confrontation. However, as Laine said, it's not so possible when you don't know how to contact the other person (e.g. one night stands or changed contact details), and it may come across like a prank (so the other person mightn't take it seriously).

-peachysoo