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(Possible TW) Urges to have sex

AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convertPosts: 132 Settling in
I'm experiencing a shameful and embarassing issue at the moment and that is the urge to just have sex. I'm not in a relationship and have only ever had sex 3 times and that was with the same person but lately I seem to feel the urge to just have sex...Surely, this isn't normal? Especially when I'm not even in a relationship :s Help?
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Comments

  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
    Hi :)

    To have sexual feelings is a completely normal experience, though our urges may vary significantly from one person to another. As females we are governed by our monthly cycles, and guys are dependent, so I believe, on their level of the hormone testosterone.

    Here are some excellent self-help articles on masturbation: http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/masturbation Here are some great guides, myths, advice, worries etc, all interesting to read. :)

    Have you a trusted friend to talk to about your feelings?

    All the best,

    ~ Belle
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Mirabelle wrote: »
    Hi :)

    To have sexual feelings is a completely normal experience, though our urges may vary significantly from one person to another. As females we are governed by our monthly cycles, and guys are dependent, so I believe, on their level of the hormone testosterone.

    Here are some excellent self-help articles on masturbation: http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/masturbation Here are some great guides, myths, advice, worries etc, all interesting to read. :)

    Have you a trusted friend to talk to about your feelings?

    All the best,

    ~ Belle

    I don't really have anybody there for me.

    It's shameful :/
  • SiobhanSiobhan Posts: 14,442 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Hey
    I wouldn't say its a shameful and embarrassing issue. The desire for sex is normal & healthy. Soemtimes is just higher than other times. And obviously mastubation can help with urges.
    “ i think that deep down you still think life is worth living. It’s no where near over for you. You’re in pain. The thing you lost, Is the same thing that can stop that pain”
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Shaunie wrote: »
    Hey
    I wouldn't say its a shameful and embarrassing issue. The desire for sex is normal & healthy. Soemtimes is just higher than other times. And obviously mastubation can help with urges.

    Thank you. Now this sounds very strange too but I often feel that masturbation often makes the urge and desire to just have sex a lot higher?
  • SiobhanSiobhan Posts: 14,442 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix

    Thank you. Now this sounds very strange too but I often feel that masturbation often makes the urge and desire to just have sex a lot higher?

    Suppose makes sense to want to be doing it with someone else and not just self love. And desire to feel and comfort of someone else.

    Not really sure what to suggest but only maybe to get you mind to distract you from sexual frustration. Like maybe exercising and then too tired to do anything that would cause your sex drive higher and mind is a bit more distracted from thoughts of sex. if makes sense. Or find ways to love yourself in different ways and lots more self care so dont feel need to be with someone else. And do more other things you enjoy.Maybe?
    “ i think that deep down you still think life is worth living. It’s no where near over for you. You’re in pain. The thing you lost, Is the same thing that can stop that pain”
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Self love and self care does not come naturally at all to somebody like me so that's what makes it harder. If that makes sense :s I seem to be seeking this kind of a connection in wrong and unhealthy ways too :s
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Community Champion Posts: 1,264 Wise Owl
    Hi AngellsMe21,

    Nothing wrong with having a sex drive, for sure! Of course, having the same level of sex drive your whole life would just get boring - having peaks and troughs of sex drive keeps things interesting haha! On a serious note, you could have a look at apps like Tinder to satisfy your sexual needs for the moment?x

    Much love <3
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Azziman wrote: »
    Hi AngellsMe21,

    Nothing wrong with having a sex drive, for sure! Of course, having the same level of sex drive your whole life would just get boring - having peaks and troughs of sex drive keeps things interesting haha! On a serious note, you could have a look at apps like Tinder to satisfy your sexual needs for the moment?x

    Much love <3

    It sounds stupid but I'm not able to use apps like that. But is there something wrong in having a sex drive when I've only ever experienced/had sex once, with the same person at that? I feel ashamed and embarrassed by it :s
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Hi Angellsme21,

    There is nothing wrong at all with having a sex drive. It’s normal and you don’t have to be embarrassed or ashamed by it.

    How are you?

    Rayofhope 🌈
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Community Champion Posts: 1,264 Wise Owl

    It sounds stupid but I'm not able to use apps like that. But is there something wrong in having a sex drive when I've only ever experienced/had sex once, with the same person at that? I feel ashamed and embarrassed by it :s


    Not at all! Having a sex drive is very normal and natural - you can have a sex drive whether you have had sex once or a million times!x
  • FranFran Posts: 118 Boards Initiate
    Hi @AngelIsMe21 :)

    There's no need to feel ashamed for your thoughts because they are absolutely common!!
    I believe that @Shaunie's advice to distract and to find something entertaining that can help you relax is great! Sports can be very helpful as they allow you not to think for some time and sometimes this is really helpful!!
    If you are considering the possibility of a sex drive, but aren't completely sure, maybe you could try write down a note evaluating the pros and cons just to clear your mind because sometimes writing can help you evaluate an issue from a wider perspective :heart::wave:
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Rayofhope wrote: »
    Hi Angellsme21,

    There is nothing wrong at all with having a sex drive. It&#146;s normal and you don&#146;t have to be embarrassed or ashamed by it.

    How are you?

    Rayofhope 🌈

    Hiya,

    I'm not great. How are you?
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Azziman wrote: »


    Not at all! Having a sex drive is very normal and natural - you can have a sex drive whether you have had sex once or a million times!x

    How do you deal with the drive though when you feel that masturbation doesn't always help? It sounds weird but masturbating goes against my values as well :s
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Fran wrote: »
    Hi [USER="103008"]AngelIsMe21[/USER] :)

    There's no need to feel ashamed for your thoughts because they are absolutely common!!
    I believe that [USER="96903"]Shaunie[/USER]'s advice to distract and to find something entertaining that can help you relax is great! Sports can be very helpful as they allow you not to think for some time and sometimes this is really helpful!!
    If you are considering the possibility of a sex drive, but aren't completely sure, maybe you could try write down a note evaluating the pros and cons just to clear your mind because sometimes writing can help you evaluate an issue from a wider perspective :heart::wave:

    Hiya,

    Thanks for responding. That sounds like an interesting idea so I may give that a go, perhaps posting it here afterwards?

    I find it really hard to distract myself from anything, no matter what it is. I often need to attempt to distract myself due to several struggles I face daily.
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    I had an experience with a friend of mine yesterday. . .Without going into any detail as such, I'll just say that he had to wipe his self after as well as wiping something from my hands and mouth too. It was a quick experience (only about 15 minutes) as he would have been late for work if we'd been any longer. We hadn't had sex but we were both feeling the desire to. I don't know why but it's made me feel confused, despite enjoying it.
  • FranFran Posts: 118 Boards Initiate

    Hiya,

    Thanks for responding. That sounds like an interesting idea so I may give that a go, perhaps posting it here afterwards?

    I find it really hard to distract myself from anything, no matter what it is. I often need to attempt to distract myself due to several struggles I face daily.

    Of course you can post it here!! It would be great!!
    Do you know what I do when I want to distract myself and not to think to anything else? I bake a cake ;) In fact you have to concentrate on the receipt otherwise your cake would be a disaster!! the more difficult the cake, the better for your distraction (and then you can always have a piece, so it's a double win ;) )

    - Framn
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Fran wrote: »

    Of course you can post it here!! It would be great!!
    Do you know what I do when I want to distract myself and not to think to anything else? I bake a cake ;) In fact you have to concentrate on the receipt otherwise your cake would be a disaster!! the more difficult the cake, the better for your distraction (and then you can always have a piece, so it's a double win ;) )

    - Framn

    Glad to hear that you find baking helps you :)
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Community Champion Posts: 1,264 Wise Owl

    How do you deal with the drive though when you feel that masturbation doesn't always help? It sounds weird but masturbating goes against my values as well :s

    Hmm, that's a tough one. The straight answer to satisfying a sex drive would simply to engage in sexual activity, whether that's alone or with other(s). Otherwise, @Shaunie's advice of redirecting that sexual energy elsewhere could help. A word of warning though - exercising may tire you out now, but it actually boosts your sex drive in the long-term, which may not be the best thing right now! Perhaps a new hobby or activity would distract you from it, and allow you to put that energy into something else?x

    Much love <3
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Azziman wrote: »

    Hmm, that's a tough one. The straight answer to satisfying a sex drive would simply to engage in sexual activity, whether that's alone or with other(s). Otherwise, [USER="96903"]Shaunie[/USER]'s advice of redirecting that sexual energy elsewhere could help. A word of warning though - exercising may tire you out now, but it actually boosts your sex drive in the long-term, which may not be the best thing right now! Perhaps a new hobby or activity would distract you from it, and allow you to put that energy into something else?x

    Much love <3

    Thanks for advice Hun. It's so much harder when already dealing with so much s**t going on :( Argh...Life!
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 1,123 Wise Owl
    Hey @AngellsMe21

    Agree with everyone else here, having a high sex drive is nothing to be ashamed about! Let us know if exercise or anything else helps. You can always talk to us here. Do you want to talk about the other stuff that's going on too?

    - Lucy:rainbow:
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Lucy307 wrote: »
    Hey @AngellsMe21

    Agree with everyone else here, having a high sex drive is nothing to be ashamed about! Let us know if exercise or anything else helps. You can always talk to us here. Do you want to talk about the other stuff that's going on too?

    - Lucy:rainbow:

    Distraction doesn't seem to be helping with this, ir anything else at that, at the moment.

    With one of my previous posts where I'd written about an experience I'd had with a friend well I keep thinking of this and going over and over in my head what that was like but re thinking doesn't help with these urges I'm already feeling.
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Feeling very confused and have conflicting thoughts

    It's bothering me a lot and another struggle to try to be dealing with.

    😢
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Hey @AngelIsMe21 :)

    I was reading through all the other responses to this post before I said anything, and I fully agree with everyone else: having a sex drive is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of! Naturally, some will have a higher sex drive than others, and others lower, and even this can vary for the individual based on their circumstances (be it due to their hormonal level - sex drive can be affected when you take certain medication like the pill, and during menstruation etc. - or anything else).

    I know that, personally, my sex drive, or even just what turns me on, tends to become a lot more extreme when I'm feeling particularly stressed. Maybe this is because I know it's a way for me to find pleasure, some sort of escape, from what seems like hell surrounding me? It's not ideal, to say the least, and I'm definitely not proud of it and about to go telling everyone I'm horny or what my kinks are, but I'm not going to let myself feel ashamed either, because it's not something I can consciously control, really - it's more of an innate, biological response, and it's completely fine/normal.

    When it (your sex drive) starts to become a bit more of a problem, in my opinion, is when it begins to interfere with your daily life. If you find that you can't do the things you normally would be able to do as a result of this, then I'd maybe consult a professional about it, though, naturally, that's really daunting and would probably feel a bit embarrassing to talk about. But, again, this wouldn't be anything a professional wouldn't have already heard of and/or dealt with already, or at the least be understanding of!

    Wishing you the best.
    ​-peachysoo
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Hey Peachysoo,

    Thank you to you all on here I have realised that it is quite normal and natural to have a sex drive. I guess it feels shameful for me because the way my sex drive is and seems to be goes against the values I hold within myself with this kind of thing. I don't know if this makes sense? I do feel that it is a side effect as such of one medication that I am on (Sertraline) but I can't pinpoint where else this comes from. I do feel this way when I feel particular negative emotions though.

    I feel really confused by it and on Friday, I had a sexual experience with a friend of mine which has actually brought up more confsing/conflicting thoughts for me.

    Thank you

    AngelIsMe21
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Friday 23/02/18 I had sex with a friend of mine at his house. . .I've now been left feeling confused and conflicted.

    I'm also in physical pain now too though and I believe this fact is where the sex drive has actually been coming from-as though I am using this in terms of a harmful/destructive behaviour. If this makes any sense :s
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 1,123 Wise Owl
    Hi @AngellsMe21

    Do you want to talk about the confusing/conflicting thoughts you are having about sleeping with your friend - why do you think you feel that way? Hope you are not still in physical pain too?

    - Lucy :rainbow:
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Lucy307 wrote: »
    Hi @AngellsMe21

    Do you want to talk about the confusing/conflicting thoughts you are having about sleeping with your friend - why do you think you feel that way? Hope you are not still in physical pain too?

    - Lucy :rainbow:

    Hi Lucy👋
    Unfortunately, the physical pains are still there and don't seem to be getting any better either. 4 spots have also appeared in a particular area of my body and 2 at the back of my mouth. Naturally, this has caused me some more worry and anxiety but I do not know so cannot explain why, or where this has come from :s
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Hi AngellsMe21,

    Sorry to here that you are still in pain and this is causing you discomfort have you thought about seeing a doctor about this? They are always there to help out and may be able to give you some advice on whether you need to worry or not. How are you feeling?

    Rayofhope:rainbow::rainbow2:
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Boards Initiate
    Hey Peachysoo,

    Thank you to you all on here I have realised that it is quite normal and natural to have a sex drive. I guess it feels shameful for me because the way my sex drive is and seems to be goes against the values I hold within myself with this kind of thing. I don't know if this makes sense? I do feel that it is a side effect as such of one medication that I am on (Sertraline) but I can't pinpoint where else this comes from. I do feel this way when I feel particular negative emotions though.

    I feel really confused by it and on Friday, I had a sexual experience with a friend of mine which has actually brought up more confsing/conflicting thoughts for me.

    Thank you

    AngelIsMe21
    Hi AngelIsMe21,

    I'm sorry to hear about how you're feeling and the fact you're (still) in physical pain too, just to add to it all, must really be the worst right now :(

    If it might help, would you like to discuss what's making you feel confused and conflicted in a bit more detail? Or just talk about how you are feeling in general - your thoughts and such. Sometimes, it can help to write down anything that comes to mind, and I personally find that, when I'm a bit overwhelmed and confused, just getting out all my thoughts in a space where I can see and almost control them in a more manageable way can help ease my confusion a bit! Of course, if you would prefer not to divulge into any detail (as this is completely personal and I would understand if you'd rather keep some details not known), doing this in a little private notebook or something can still help!

    I don't personally know how you have been dealing/coping with your conflicting thoughts regarding your values and your sex drive (that are making you feel shameful), however I would suggest maybe taking some alone time to be with your thoughts and realigning yourself? This is similar to my prior point with just writing out everything that you're feeling and thinking: what about your values is making you feel shameful? I don't want to say you should definitely change your values, because they are important to you so of course this would be really insensitive to say, but maybe you could try being a little flexible with yourself (be kinder to yourself!) here in this one instance, to alleviate the feelings of shame. There's always time to grow and change, and as we grow - physically, emotionally, spiritually etc. - our values may also change without us knowing. I feel like getting to the root of your distress and facing it head on could be really helpful, if you haven't already, though it must be really daunting! That said, I don't wanna be pushing my thoughts onto you and pressuring you into anything you don't feel would help or could cuse you further distress, so please take my words with a grain of salt >_<

    Regarding the sore spots, I might be interpreting this in the wrong way, but it would be wise to consult a doctor or a sexual health clinic about these spots in case they may be an STI or such. There will be many places you could go to to get checked in your local area, and everything will be confidential, as your privacy and security is as of top concern to these professionals as it is to you!

    Please take care, and I hope you start feeling a bit better soon :blush:
    -peachysoo
  • AngelIsMe21AngelIsMe21 The Mix convert Posts: 132 Settling in
    Rayofhope wrote: »
    Hi AngellsMe21,

    Sorry to here that you are still in pain and this is causing you discomfort have you thought about seeing a doctor about this? They are always there to help out and may be able to give you some advice on whether you need to worry or not. How are you feeling?

    Rayofhope:rainbow::rainbow2:

    I've just been through a confusing but happy and exciting experience. It's brought up some negative thought and emotion inside though :s
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