Relationships 🙄

One-in-a-million

Why are they so complicated!?

Whenever I seem to get speaking to someone they always seems to be a big bug bear with one thing or another. A few examples from the last couple of guys/dates

1. There was a guy I was speaking to and all he seemed to be interested in was when were we going to have sex 🙄 Like I hardly know you! Keep it in your pants for now thanks

2. Another guy I spoke to was never really interested in meeting up. He would go on about how much he wanted to see me but then always had an excuse when we were going to meet up.

3. This guy wanted to meet up but didn't actually want to go anywhere. I suggested thing like the local pub, coffee date, cheap meal or even just a walk. I made it clear I didn't mind paying for myself (I prefer to do that) but all he wanted to do was hang out on the streets. 😒 I am an adult not a kid!
This same person would call me and wisper "geuss what I love you" whoch was actually quite creepy (the way he did it and this was before we were actually in a relationship!) he also called me while jerking off😷 Like do that in your own time please!

4. Last one (example) this guy was all about himself "what do you think about me" type thing I would talk to him and take an interest but he never returned the conversation to include us both and if I tried he would quickly turn it back to himself. He also suggested a trip to ....... which is like a couple hours away from where we both live and he always offered to pick me up despite me declining due to the fact I didn't know him that well.

Why is it so hard to just find someone genuine go on a few casual dates and see how things work out?
I find that they either want to jump into bed with me first chance they get or just seem a bit creepy/weird!

I know not all guys are like that but I find it hard to meet someone who wants to get to know each other and see how things go.

Former Member

1) Wanting sex on the first date is common. You can avoid that by stating early on that you're not into that.

2) He either was ambivalent/indecisive - or he was trying to use you as a back-up in case a girl he preferred didn't want him.

3) I've never understood the hanging around the streets thing. I don't see what the attraction is.

4) There are many self-obsessed people. They're selfish, so it's best to avoid them. I don't know why he wanted to go long distances with you when you didn't know each other well yet.

Where are you first meeting them?

One-in-a-million

Hi Rob thanks for the reply

All these were from different times (I wasn't speaking to one while speaking to another)

I met up with 1, a couple of times but each one was all about sex which I did tell him that I wasn't quite ready to go that far with him yet. So he stopped talking to me. His loss 😂

I also met up with 4 once but he just kept offering to go somewhere in his car. This kind of brought up a red flag for me so I stopped speaking to him after that.

I never met up with 2 and 3 I eventually told 2 to go F*** himself after getting ready and about to leave the house before he gave some lame excuse for tge 5th time. As for 3 he just seemed so childish.

Some of these guys were from my college, 1 was a friend of a friend and one was technically an online friend I'd been speaking to for months. (Friends were informed when and where we were meeting obviously)

Former Member

All of them were clearly not suited to you.

In regard to 2, I've been in a similar situation several times. Girls have tried to keep me on the hook as a backup - texting, saying that we'll meet up then either never making the actual arrangement or making a date then failing to turn up. Some girls have claimed to be really into me, texting several times a day - then suddenly stopping for no apparent reason. I've had similar situations to that with people who pretended to be my friends - they were just using me to kill time with when they were bored and everyone else whom they knew was busy. They'd make arrangements to meet, then in most cases fail to turn up. When I next saw them I asked them why they didn't turn up, expecting them to apologise and tell me that something important came up. However, they didn't apologise or have a good reason. They just said that they decided to do something else. Sometimes they said that they didn't meet me on that day because it was raining and they don't go out when it's raining!

3 sounds immature. I've always thought that hanging round the streets is stupid, pointless and just causes a nuisance and obstruction to people who are using the pavement for its intended purpose. I've never understood why groups of youths do it. How can anyone think and say to his friends: "I've got a great idea - let's hang around the streets for hours! Then his friends say: "Yeah, that's a great idea!" Then they hang around the streets all evening and find that so enjoyable that they do it many more times!

4 sounds suspicious - wanting to drive you long distances when you've only known each other for a short time. It's best to keep things local at first - otherwise you could be lost in the middle of nowhere. Also, anyone who's obsessed with himself and doesn't show much interest in you won't be any good. He sounds like he just wants to be admired.

If your friends are setting you up with lads whom they know, make it clear to your friends what you're looking for.

Yes, it's always best to tell a friend that you're meeting someone and when and where that is due to happen. Some people arrange for a friend to phone them half an hour after the time that the date is due to start. If things are going badly, you can answer the phone and tell your date that the caller told you of something that you have to attend to urgently and you can quickly leave. If the date's going well, you can turn off your phone or ignore the call.

JustV

Aah, the joys of dating! Depending on who you're looking for, it can be very hit and miss. It can definitely get quite wearing, especially when you have a run of bad luck like you seem to be having. :rolleyes:

I guess it's difficult if you're specifically looking for a date or using dating websites, because you usually don't know enough about them to judge whether you'd be a good pair. So by the time you do figure that out or realise that they're not for you, you've done a lot of legwork and it can get a bit disheartening (whereas that might not be the case for someone you were already close with). That being said, by the sounds of it these guys had already been part of your life in some way or another, so that's probably not too relevant, haha.

Props to you for working through the deadwood, though. I hope you have start to have a bit more luck! Feel free to keep us posted about how things go.

One-in-a-million

Hi guys, I've recently been on a dating website for a look. Ive had quite a few conversations which have led to a 👎
However there is one guy and I wasn't sure at first but I've been speaking to him for just under a month now and he seems really nice. It's still very early days yet but we are getting on quite well. We share quite a few intrests and the conversation has been very genuine. So far so good 😂

JustV

Hey OIAM - how goes it? How're things with the guy you mentioned above?

One-in-a-million

@Mike

Sorry I never replied

The guy I mentioned...... we are now dating 😉