When should I mention splitting the cost of a date?

I have a date scheduled. I've always thought that costs should be split. However, every time I've tried, the girl has angrily rejected my suggestion. What's the best time and way to raise the topic of sharing the costs?

A related issue is what should I do when a girl angrily brands me a cheapskate for taking her somewhere that doesn't cost a fortune, rather than wining and dining her at an expensive restaurant? Several girls have angrily rejected me for not 'treating them like the princesses that they are'.

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Former Member

Hi Robert,

I agree that is fair to split the cost of a date or at least offer. If you have already paid for one have you tried explaining your circumstances? That you would love to take your date out again but can't afford to pay for the two of you each and every time?

Former Member

None of the girls whom I've dated have ever offered to pay for anything.

I have explained my situation to several girls and suggested to alternate paying. All of them angrily rejected that and told me that if I can't afford to pay for everything on all dates, then I shouldn't date at all.

This will be my first date with this girl. When should I raise the topic of splitting the cost?

Former Member

Those are interesting suggestions. Unfortunately, most of the girls whom I've dated insisted on being wined and dined at expensive restaurants.

Demanding to be treated like princesses is bizarrely outrageous. Imagine if I demanded to be treated like a prince on dates!

Former Member

Hi Robert, I’m glad you found the suggestions interesting, might be worth a try just to see if they go for something else? It does seem like a difficult situation though if they only want wining and dining and aren’t open to anything else. You say it’s outrageous and bizarre, did you manage to communicate this to them? Do you have any idea why the girls you generally date seem to insist on this? Have you ever dated a girl who hasn't? Are there any similarities between them that might make them more likely to demand this kind of date? Imagine if you demanded to be treated like a prince indeed.It could be funny to see what happens but it could mean the date ends early!

Former Member

I have told them that their demands and expectations are unreasonable. Their response was that they're "worth it" and that if I care about them, I'd be happy to spend a lot of money on them and time with them. They claimed that everyone else whom they've dated has gladly wined and dined them and never suggested that they contribute.

I have dated a few girls who didn't expect that, but even they expected me to spend a lot of money on them. Some girls have also expected me to give them presents on dates.

I can't see anything that makes them stand out as obvious gold-diggers / leeches etc. If there's a way to determine which girls are like that, then I've no idea what it is.

Earlier this year, someone on another thread in this section said that she used to be like that - and that girls compete with their friends over who can get their dates / boyfriends to spend the most money on them.

Former Member

I politely suggested a few days beforehand that we split the cost of the date, and/or go somewhere that doesn't cost a lot - she angrily rejected both. She told me that even suggesting those things shows that I'm "not boyfriend material" - so she cancelled the date and told me to never contact her again.

Maisy

Hey Robert,

Sorry to hear you got rejected after suggesting you split the cost of the date beforehand. Honestly, I think it was a good idea to mention that beforehand so there's no disagreements or tension when it comes to paying the bill. Anyone who doesn't mind about splitting the bill, won't reject you and those that do, clearly aren't worth your time anyway. Better luck next time!

Former Member

Every girl whom I mention it to beforehand has cancelled the date. I know you could say it's good that using that strategy helps avoid gold-diggers / leeches, but I'm not making any progress.

Former Member

Sorry to hear you're not making any progress with this Robert. It may be that these girls will change their minds in the future when they realise few men are able to pay for everything all the time. In the meantime perhaps you can pay for what you want and are able to pay for, and outside of that just be honest about your position. After all, there will be more you can offer a date than just money, it's also about good company.

Former Member

I am honest about my situation.

Yes, most men can't pay for everything on expensive dates frequently. That's why gold-diggers move onto the next mug when their current mark runs out of money.

Former Member

I didn't ask when to start splitting the bill, I want to know how to bring up the subject of splitting the bill starting with the first date.

I've suggested to a few girls that I pay for the first date and she pay for the second. However, none of those girls were willing to go on a second date with me.

Former Member

Ah I see. Knowing how girls have reacted so far when you bring up splitting the bill, can you think of anything you haven't tried yet or a method that worked slightly better than others? It may be that this tension around payment distracts from just enjoying the date.

Former Member

Every method I've tried has failed completely - and I can't think of another way.

I can't enjoy the date when I'm spending a huge chunk of my income on it. I can't keep paying for everything on dates - and girls whom I've dated stopped going on dates with me when I asked them to contribute or when I ran out of money.

Former Member

It sounds like you're just going for the wrong women. The type that want to be lavished and live the 'high life' but have no feelings or regards to the person giving them it.

If you want someone who truly appreciates you then before you even go on the date you should drop a line in a jokey way and say something like "The past couple of women i've dated were a bit of a nightmare, they insisted I pay for anything on every date we went on haha, the cheek!" That kinda hints and you should know if that's what they were expecting before you meet because they'll probably just fizzle out of it if that was their intention.

Former Member

I've tried saying something like that to a few girls. They called me a whining cheapskate and told me that a gentleman pays for everything without question. Whenever I said to the girl, prior to the date, that she and I will be splitting the costs, she refused and cancelled the date.

How and where can I find the right type of girl who isn't a gold-digger / leech?

louisa982

From my experience, If a girl has had a really shitty date with the guy, and the guy is a twat. Then she will expect him to pay because he has wasted her time. If she has had a lovely time and finds the bloke really lovely then she will split the bill.

Former Member

louisa982 wrote: »

From my experience, If a girl has had a really shitty date with the guy, and the guy is a twat. Then she will expect him to pay because he has wasted her time. If she has had a lovely time and finds the bloke really lovely then she will split the bill.

As I've made crystal clear, they expect and demand prior to the date that I will be paying for everything, so it can't be a reaction to what the date was like. Several girls have decided to go on a date with me, but then cancelled the date solely because I mentioned that she and I would be splitting the costs.

Aoife

Hey everyone, I noticed things were getting a bit off topic here - just a friendly reminder of the boards guidelines that mentions we need to respect other's opinions

so let's try and keep things positive and focus on giving advice to Robert about when's the best time and way to raise the topic of sharing the costs on a date.

Have you thought about going on dates that don't involve spending money Robert such as going on a hike or going to a free concert? There's a great article here with some free date ideas - what do you think?

Former Member

Aife wrote: »

Hey everyone, I noticed things were getting a bit off topic here - just a friendly reminder of the boards guidelines that mentions we need to respect other's opinions so let's try and keep things positive and focus on giving advice to Robert about when's the best time and way to raise the topic of sharing the costs on a date.

Have you thought about going on dates that don't involve spending money Robert such as going on a hike or going to a free concert? There's a great article here with some free date ideas - what do you think?

Thank you for removing the unwarranted insults against me.

A major part of the problem is that most girls expect and demand that I wine and dine them at expensive restaurants. Some of them have even asked me beforehand: "which restaurant are you taking me to?" I've suggested various other date locations/activities that don't cost a fortune - including some of those in the article you linked to. Unfortunately for me, they outright rejected those options and told me that in order to date them, I have to take them to an upmarket restaurant and pay for everything. Some girls have expected and demanded that I give them presents on dates as well - not for special occasions such as her birthday or Christmas, but just because I'm male and she's female. It seems like I'm being charged a very high fee for the 'privilege' of being able to go on dates.

I'm not saying that everyone has the same experiences as me, nor that dating has to be like this. I'm trying to work out how to date without having to take out loans beforehand.