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Deleted from Facebook etc. by my ex

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Comments

  • micamica Moderator Posts: 98
    Hey Pottig,

    I’m sorry to hear about your breakup. It sounds like you know the importance of, and are in the process of, taking care of yourself and moving on. However, perhaps it is time to give your girlfriend the space to move on as well. While it is possible that she is struggling a fair bit in moving on (seen by her block and then unblock of your Snapchat), at this time maybe you can work on focusing less on her wellbeing and more on your own. As you say, she is someone who is in touch with their emotions, so challenge yourself to trust that she will reach out to her family or friends when she needs them, instead of assuming that she is not doing well filling her time.
    As for getting in touch with her in a months’ time, it sounds like she’s in a fragile and uncertain place of her life right now and it might be best to let her reach out to you, if she chooses, when she is ready.
    In your position, I would really try to refocus some of the energy you put into worrying about the meaning of her social media actions, back to taking care of yourself!
    I hope this helps
    Mica @ The Mix
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mica wrote: »
    Hey Pottig,

    I’m sorry to hear about your breakup. It sounds like you know the importance of, and are in the process of, taking care of yourself and moving on. However, perhaps it is time to give your girlfriend the space to move on as well. While it is possible that she is struggling a fair bit in moving on (seen by her block and then unblock of your Snapchat), at this time maybe you can work on focusing less on her wellbeing and more on your own. As you say, she is someone who is in touch with their emotions, so challenge yourself to trust that she will reach out to her family or friends when she needs them, instead of assuming that she is not doing well filling her time.
    As for getting in touch with her in a months’ time, it sounds like she’s in a fragile and uncertain place of her life right now and it might be best to let her reach out to you, if she chooses, when she is ready.
    In your position, I would really try to refocus some of the energy you put into worrying about the meaning of her social media actions, back to taking care of yourself!
    I hope this helps
    Mica @ The Mix

    Thanks Mica.

    I understand. I was doing well at moving on and taking care of myself but the last few days I've slipped back into feeling bad about this whole thing again. As far as messaging her friend yesterday, that was more for my own sake than it was worrying about how she is doing. You're right though, I think it's stupid of me to assume she has moved on and doesn't care about me anymore, and it's equally stupid of me to worry about her not filling her time and keeping herself occupied through this.

    I will leave her be now. She is in a fragile place at the moment, yeah. I'd really like to begin talking to her again but I understand this has to happen organically, from her position. Whether she will or not I cannot say at the moment given the emotional baggage that is still involved at this time. I know she told me we'd never be more than friends last time we spoke, but it's quite possible this was just her building a wall between us in her emotional state, trying to get me out of her hair whilst she continues to work herself out. There was honestly nothing inherently wrong with out relationship, and we could quite happily work this out over time given neither of us ever stopped loving one another. I want nothing more at the moment than to just sort this out between us which is why it's so painful. She knows I'm here available to talk to her if she ever needs/wants me, and that's all she needs to know.

    I will try and get back on the path to bettering myself that I was on a few days ago now. Someone said to me not long ago that only once we have both climbed this mountain separately -- independently -- and bettered ourselves can we begin to repair what we had and find each other again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Has anyone split up with you before she did? If so, how did you deal with that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Robert wrote: »
    Has anyone split up with you before she did? If so, how did you deal with that?

    I've honestly never been through a breakup before. Probably part of why this is so hard for me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It was the only relationship you've had?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Robert wrote: »
    It was the only relationship you've had?

    Yep. There was another girl a few years ago but we never actually made it a thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you mean that you weren't exclusive with the previous girl? Or do you mean that you just hooked up, but didn't have a relationship?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Robert wrote: »
    Do you mean that you weren't exclusive with the previous girl? Or do you mean that you just hooked up, but didn't have a relationship?

    Friend-zoned basically. This was 5 maybe 6 years ago though. I was at university from 2012-15 so didn't want a girlfriend in that time. Although that's where I first met Emma.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Did she friend-zone you all along - or did you hook up, then subsequently get friend-zoned by her?

    Why didn't you want a gf whilst you were at uni?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Robert wrote: »
    Did she friend-zone you all along, or did you hook up, then subsequently get friend-zoned by her?

    Why didn't you want a gf whilst you were at uni?

    I don't think so. There was a time where we had a thing for each other but I was naive and took too long to make anything of it. So it petered out really.

    I didn't want a girlfriend because it's uni and as an 18 year old male it's a burden to carry with all the girls there. I started to want one towards the end, and that's where Emma came in.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you looking to find a new gf now?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Robert wrote: »
    Are you looking to find a new gf now?

    As I have said, I would like Emma to find herself and just come back to me. At the moment I don't want anyone else, no. Every girl I look at just isn't her. The emotions are running too high still. I'll take one-night stands and rebounds, but they won't be anything more.
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