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Strange But Sweet...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is so random and does have a chessy side to it too but....

So, today I went into a chip shop near to where I work and the same guy who always serves me served me again. This time he was flirting with me and giving me lovely compliments and then gave me his number, written on a napkin. I felt like I wasn't there and was in a dream and then felt that my head was in a daze and as if I didn't know what was going on! But then, after I'd left, it hit me and made me feel confused. I mean, it was so strange and so sweet.

I have his number on the napkin and did text him..We're having a general chit chat conversation now which is nice but not quite sure how I feel or whether I've done the wrong thing or something. Guess I'm looking for some support, advice or reassurance on this, sorry :(

Thanks in advance x
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Steve,

    Thanks for the reply!

    I don't know what I want to do about this but did text him and we've been talking ever since. He's really sweet and lovely, 20 and actually from Romania (I am 19).

    I'm not sure as such what makes me feel I have done the wrong thing, I guess its just one of those things. Is this okay?

    Hannah x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Hannah!

    I find it quite normal to feel a bit strange about things like that. I never really know if I had made the right decision when it comes to guys.
    Do you feel like you're not sure if it was the right thing to do? Or do you think your feelings are because of something else?

    It sounds like he's a nice guy and you're enjoying chatting to him :) So for now you shouldn't feel guilty or feel like you've done something wrong when you're doing something through your own free choice :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi!

    No, no. I must change that on my profile as that is old news and long gone, I am not like that anymore or in that current phase, if that makes sense?

    Feeling flattered but confused :S x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SamanthaC wrote: »
    Hi Hannah!

    I find it quite normal to feel a bit strange about things like that. I never really know if I had made the right decision when it comes to guys.
    Do you feel like you're not sure if it was the right thing to do? Or do you think your feelings are because of something else?

    It sounds like he's a nice guy and you're enjoying chatting to him :) So for now you shouldn't feel guilty or feel like you've done something wrong when you're doing something through your own free choice :)

    hey,

    It's just a completely new experience for me and I am not used to this and feel that is what could be making me feel more confused about it too. I'm confused as it sill feels strange but so flattering and sweet at the moment, you know?

    Hannah
  • MikeMike 🎧 LandaanPosts: 3,614 Community Manager
    Great advice from Samantha. :yes:

    I think with any new experience you tend to feel your way through it, so it's totally understandable to feel a little confused or unsure of how to proceed with it. But like Sam said, it sounds like you're enjoying it so there's no need for you to feel bad or like you've done something wrong.

    As long as everything's above board and he's treating you well then there likely isn't any harm in just letting yourself go with it if that's what you want. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to get things 'right' - take things as they come, so to speak. :)

    Feel free to keep us posted on how things go. :d
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.

    Want to join the community champions? Drop @TheMix a message!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mike wrote: »
    Great advice from Samantha. :yes:

    I think with any new experience you tend to feel your way through it, so it's totally understandable to feel a little confused or unsure of how to proceed with it. But like Sam said, it sounds like you're enjoying it so there's no need for you to feel bad or like you've done something wrong.

    As long as everything's above board and he's treating you well then there likely isn't any harm in just letting yourself go with it if that's what you want. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to get things 'right' - take things as they come, so to speak. :)

    Feel free to keep us posted on how things go. :d

    Hey Mike,
    I am enjoying it and finding it really sweet and flattering but guess I kind of feel as though I am doing something wrong, though I can't seem to explain exactly what I mean by this?

    I have agreed to his request of walking with me to my workplace tomorrow..

    Hannah x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Steve_ wrote: »
    Hannah, what exactly about this situation is new for you? This sounds like a very commonplace and normal situation. Why do you think it's strange?

    What are you confused about? Do you fancy him or not? Are you unsure of your sexual orientation, or is there something about him that you're concerned/unsure about?

    Hi again Steve,

    Well, my life is really controlled and suffocating so more or less all of this experience is new to me. Even being given a guy's number and compliments said to me in the middle of a shop is so new, so it feels strange and confusing in that sense but I do feel as though I am enjoying it as it's so sweet and so flattering.

    I think I do fancy him, in a way yes! He told me yesterday that he's liked me since the first time he served me in that shop...4 months ago! But that he only had the courage to pass his number on to me on Friday. Tomorrow, I have agreed to his request of walking some of the way with me to workplace. I guess I only agreed mostly as it's a public and very busy route so so many people are around!

    Hannah x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My home/living/family is a controlling and suffocating lifestyle for me, to say the least.

    It feels strange and confusing as it's a completely new experience for me, has never happened before and guess it felt kind of surreal. We've been talking and on MOnday morning he actually walked some of the way to my workplace with me..And we kissed...:/ :S

    Hannah
  • plugitinplugitin Noob Posts: 2,197 The Mix Regular
    If you're enjoying it and it's not harming anyone - continue :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Hun,
    I tried to reply sooner but unfortunately my internet access has been very minimal :( Thank you for your help and support on thus.

    I am meeting up with him at his house on November 13th.,....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi,

    We have to wait as that Sunday 13th is the day where we're both free and not working.

    I am telling a story to my family to be able to meet up with him at his house though. Am I wrong for this?:S

    Hannah x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Hannah:wave:

    Sometimes doing things out of the ordinary turn out to be the best things! Getting compliments can feel strange so I understand exactly where you are coming from but remember as long as you're happy and having fun chatting to him then you have done nothing wrong.:)

    Going round to his house is perfectly fine as long as you feel comfortable. Is there a reason why you have told your family a different story?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Steve_ wrote: »
    Why are you telling a story to your family to be able to see him? Don't they allow you your freedom?

    Take condoms - don't assume he has some.

    I feel the need to tell a story as, although I am 19 (20 in January), my life is kind of suffocating, controlling and restricting.

    They'd be angry with me if they found out.

    It is my first time in an experience like this....x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LC_ wrote: »
    Hey Hannah:wave:

    Sometimes doing things out of the ordinary turn out to be the best things! Getting compliments can feel strange so I understand exactly where you are coming from but remember as long as you're happy and having fun chatting to him then you have done nothing wrong.:)

    Going round to his house is perfectly fine as long as you feel comfortable. Is there a reason why you have told your family a different story?

    Hey, thanks for replying.

    It feels wrong as I feel as though I'm lying to family, despite being almost 2 years passed the age of actually doing so much, legally. If this makes sense? My lifestyle is restricting, controlling and suffocating and I feel it'd cause problems if they found out.

    Hannah
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, no problem:)

    You say you feel it would cause problems if your parents found out you had gone round to his house, in this case do you have a friend or sibling you can trust? It's always nice to have at least someone knowing what you're really up to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LC_ wrote: »
    Hey, no problem:)

    You say you feel it would cause problems if your parents found out you had gone round to his house, in this case do you have a friend or sibling you can trust? It's always nice to have at least someone knowing what you're really up to.

    I am the oldest sibling of 6, soon to be 7, so do not feel I can tell either of them due to this.

    Someone (a colleague who's also a friend) does know that I'm going to his house on Sunday but not about what we're going to do....x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Steve_ wrote: »
    Are your family merely overprotective of you - or are they possessive and restrictive of you, treating you like they own you?

    Yes, it's a good idea to tell someone where you're going.

    Does this lad live with his parents? With housemates? On his own? Will they be there when you go round to his?

    What exactly about this situation is your first time? The first time a boy has told you he fancies you? The first time a boy has invited you to his place?

    Bear in mind that he's probably a lot more experienced that you and that there's a 99% chance that he wants to have sex with you.

    Hey,
    Thank you SO much for your support with this, much appreciated!

    He lives with his sister. I do not think that she, or anyone else, will be there when I meet him at his house.

    We have discussed having sex...It's scary as it's a totally new experience for me, more or less altogether, however it does bring some happiness and excitement too, the nervous kind though.

    I feel that, with my parents, it is a variety of things.

    Hannah
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    I am the oldest sibling of 6, soon to be 7, so do not feel I can tell either of them due to this.

    Someone (a colleague who's also a friend) does know that I'm going to his house on Sunday but not about what we're going to do....x


    Brilliant Hannah, its always nice to have someone knowing where you are just in case so telling your friend was a good move:). I wouldn't worry about not telling them what you're going to do, it's ok to keep some things personal as long as you feel comfortable and happy:d
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LC_ wrote: »


    Brilliant Hannah, its always nice to have someone knowing where you are just in case so telling your friend was a good move:). I wouldn't worry about not telling them what you're going to do, it's ok to keep some things personal as long as you feel comfortable and happy:d

    Hey, I feel mostly comfortable and happy but also scared and excited, if this makes sense?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Steve_ wrote: »
    What's the furthest you've gone with a boy? It sounds like you're 'jumping straight in at the deep end'. Have you practiced putting a condom on a dildo, a banana or something similar? I take it that you don't want to get that wrong and become a single mother in 9 months time!

    Have you met him anywhere other than the shop where he works?

    Why have you told your friend-colleague where you're going but not what you're going to be doing?

    I have told her where I am going to be on the safe side and know that somebody knows, rather than nobody at all, if that makes sense? I cannot tell her what we'll be doing at his house as I guess I feel that's too much information for her.

    Let's just say, this is the furthest I've gone with a guy and so it continues to be a new experience for me. Well, he has told me that he doesn't want to wear a condom as he wants to get right inside me properly and cum too (sorry if too much info :( )

    Hannah
  • plugitinplugitin Noob Posts: 2,197 The Mix Regular
    Hey Hannah,
    I just want to check in and reiterate what Steve has said here about the contraception thing.

    You've said that he does not want to wear a condom, but remember that a condom is the only way to protect against sexually transmitted infections (as well as pregnancy). You may want to think about both having sti checks in advance so you both know you're clean and not going to get any nasty surprises. Are you on the pill or anything to protect against pregnancy?

    Also, I just want to say one final thing : make sure you're happy with the situation and agree with him in advance that if you want or need him to stop, he will do so. Having sex with someone is about both parties, and both sides are just as important.

    Have fun otherwise :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Hey, I feel mostly comfortable and happy but also scared and excited, if this makes sense?


    Hey,
    You say you feel scared and excited. This is completely normal when doing anything you've never done before. For example have you ever started a new job before? I know I have and I felt so excited to start but nervous for my first day.
    Remember your position is completely normal and having sex for the first time can be nerve wracking. I have read that you are not using a condom, How do you feel about this? Is this his decision, yours, or both of you together? Protection is important and I would consider thinking about this if you have not:).

    Otherwise Hannah I hope you have fun, you seem to really like this guy and I am happy for you:d

    Best,
    LC_
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Guys,

    Thank You so much for your words of advice and support--It means an awful lot to me!

    So, it's the night before I lose my virginity to my friend. I am feeling VERY excited but also VERY apprehensive and anxious. Perhaps because this is a total new experience for me, as well as the fact that I'm 'lying' to tell my parents-I've told them I'm meeting up with a few ex college friends (from my first year in college) and going shopping when in fact, I;m going round to my friend's house....

    He doesn't want to wear a condom-Is this bad?

    I have no protection either, so is this bad too?

    xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :s :S
  • MaisyMaisy The Mix convert CymruPosts: 357 Moderator
    I would say that using a condom and being on birth control is probably one of the most affective ways of preventing pregnancy and STIs. If he won't wear a condom, and you have no protection, then be aware that you are at an increased risk for both pregnancy and STIs, especially if he wants to cum inside you. If you do still go ahead with losing your virginity without protection, then it's best to go to try to get the 'morning after pill' from the GP surgeries/sexual health clinic/pharmacy within either less than 72 hours or between 72-120 hours after sex (the more time after, the less effective it becomes). You can check this out for more information on emergency contraception: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/contrac...raception.aspx

    ​Most importantly though, make sure that you feel comfortable with all of this. If you feel pressured or unhappy, it may be a good idea to have more time to think things through.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Hannah, sounds like you've got a big day planned for tomorrow. I have to ask, does he know that this will be your first time?

    I just want to reiterate what Maisy said, without a condom you have a high chance of getting pregnant and without asking for an STI check you have no way of knowing what you might be contracting, many STIs have no outward signs and often people don't even know that they have them. I would suggest that you buy a box of condoms before you meet with him tomorrow, that way, at least if you have them with you then you have the option of using them if you change your mind about doing it without.

    As for the lying to your parents thing, you're definitely not alone. I don't think anyone in the world would tell their parents that they're away to go have sex.

    I am glad that you're exited and it's ok to feel nervous, I think everyone is before their first time. But again, like Maisy said, the important thing is that you are happy with all of this and are doing it because you want to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    He doesn't want to wear a condom-Is this bad?

    I have no protection either, so is this bad too?

    xx

    It's not bad if you want to get pregnant and get an STI.
    Protection is crucial, why doesn't he want to wear a condom?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Guys,

    Thank You so much for your words of advice and support--It means an awful lot to me!

    So, it's the night before I lose my virginity to my friend. I am feeling VERY excited but also VERY apprehensive and anxious. Perhaps because this is a total new experience for me, as well as the fact that I'm 'lying' to tell my parents-I've told them I'm meeting up with a few ex college friends (from my first year in college) and going shopping when in fact, I;m going round to my friend's house....

    He doesn't want to wear a condom-Is this bad?

    I have no protection either, so is this bad too?

    xx

    Hey Hannah,
    I know I have mentioned this already but I think using protection is a good idea, at least you know that way you're having fun and you are safe.
    You have said previously that he doesn't want to wear a condom. Are you ok with this? Personally, like the others said I would take condoms with you just in case you change your mind. Remember wearing a condom is normal and lots of people do it so don't feel embaressed about asking him to use one.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Guys,

    So, I lost my virginity to this guy today.............

    Hannah
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hey, just dropping in to let you know that I've deleted a post asking about the intimate details of your sexual experience. We ask that people don't go into detail about sexual exploits for the benefit of others curiosity - the sense was that this was something others might 'get off on' rather than it being a benefit in other ways. However obviously you should feel free to share anything you might like an opinion/thoughts on from others.

    Hannah, overall there is a sense that you might want to share more with The Mix - but it's best for you to lead on what that information or question might be.
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