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Paranoia, delusions and breakdowns? HELP PLEASE!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
[FONT="]Hello! [/FONT]
[FONT="]So I should probably tell you quickly about myself, I'm a 15 year old female going into grade 11, I'm very social, or so I believe so, I always have talked to people, never been too much of an introvert but not a full extrovert. [/FONT]
[FONT="]I've been having feelings ever since maybe a year ago but it all started with going through slight phases of paranoia. Sometimes I have these strong feelings as if people are watching me? I hadn't had any bad anxiety and personally I loved being in crowds, I never was scared of them. But it started with paranoia, I would get really nervous with simple tasks such as walking to the store or even talking to my mom (parents are divorced so I live with my mom and 13 year old sister). I was walking to the store one time to get milk and I cried while walking there because I thought people were gonna hurt me, and that people were watching me? Even though cars would only pass by? [/FONT]
I would believe that it was the same person in the car, switching vehicles to watch me walk to the store. And then I went in the store to get milk, cried in the store, bought the milk and ran home with the milk. Giving it to my mom and then locking myself in my room. When things like this would happen I would lock myself in my room, I didn't really feel like anything? I would feel nothing but paranoid, sad, and angry. This would happen for a couple of days and I wouldn't eat food, or eat very little amounts.
I would only go to the washroom at night when my mom and sister weren't awake. And I would lash out at my mom for the slightest things, such as there being no toothpaste or paper towel. She would correct my behavior and just leave me alone. This happened every couple of months but the feelings of paranoia would linger around until I had eventually forgotten about them. But during this time I had become EXTREMELY convinced that the government was plotting against me, that I was a robot? They were controlling me and my thoughts and I had finally become aware of what they had been doing? My arms and legs felt if I was simply a puppet. I started to imagine that the 911 and terrorist attacks were staged, that other countries didn't exist and that if I had flown to another country it would be generated. Almost as if I was in a simulator game and I thought that the people around me were trying to manipulate me. I would also feel as if bugs were on me which weren't there?
After these feelings would come and go, I discussed it with my mom because I was afraid of what was going to happen if I let the feelings persist and well, she told me that I was "fine" and that it was common around my age to feel such way but when I talk to my peers about it they don't seem to have these experiences. I pretty much had shrugged it off, I was good for a couple of months and then the feelings had happened again but stronger and a lot more vivid. I was always a bit weird, I talk to myself sometimes, and I commonly refer to myself in third person. I would have someone ask "how are you?" and I'd reply with "She's good, how are you doing today?" or things such as "We're good!" Along when I'm at home I'll ask myself how I'm doing and I'll reply with "We're doing great today? How about you? I'm feeling good too." I would have conversations with myself when I was alone? In my head, I would sometimes feel as if I was kind of fighting with myself when it had come to decisions, I would tell myself I wanted to eat this or that, but then I'd change my decision, I would kind of fight with myself which would end up with me frustrated and distraught.
Anyways as I mentioned before, these feelings would come and go until they started affecting my friendships, and school.
My friend was used to my really exaggerated emotions, I would get mad at him for the slightest of things such as not responding back or not responding back with the right words, he had known I was bit strange and that this was how he was going to have to cope with things. We shared the same math class and that's really when it struck me that something was wrong.
I had woken up feeling a bit off that day, everything had felt surreal just like the usual. Stuck in a routine, my hands didn’t feel like my hands, neither did anything else. I felt off, paranoid by the bus driver and the people on it. My math class 10:45am and school starts at 8am, I wake up exactly at 5:45am. My first period was socials, I guess the teacher had noticed something was off because I had sat down quietly, not smiling but more just emotionless, kind of a blank stare that day. He had asked me if anything was wrong and I responded with no and proceeded to not say anything the rest of the class. When I was usually smiling and talking to the people around me.
I ended up heading to math class, paranoid of the students and suspicious of them, so I quickly headed to class, hoping that I wouldn’t draw any attention to myself. I listened to the lesson and I had never really understood math and my friend sat beside me (the one I mentioned earlier) where I shared my thoughts and feelings to him. I started chatting with him about how it didn’t really matter if we had all died then and there and how there was no god to save us (which is weird because I’m catholic). I also told about how it didn’t matter if I had killed myself because I was going to die anyways and explained how our lives were meaningless considering most of us weren’t going to achieve anything book/legend worthy. I had gotten some odd stares and I ignored them, my friend didn’t know how to respond and the teacher just sat in the back not caring. Most of the students in my class didn’t care because I think they had realized I was going through something out of my control? I remember the girl who sat in front of me asked me if I was okay and I said it didn’t matter and that she didn’t care anyways because she was only ‘using’ our friendship? I barely talk to her outside of school? She quickly denied it and turned back around, my friend apologized for my behavior. I talked to him more about it, and then got upset at him and I explained how I didn’t know if I should had trusted him because he wasn’t “real” and was going to “kill me”. And then when someone would attempt to get near me I would move away, and just stare at them. I ended up completing the rest of my courses without talking and not walking home with my friends (out of routine) and going home quickly where I slept until morning. I skipped my classes the rest of the week until my feelings had faded away where I was able to attend again normally. I also would hear people calling my name, and when I heard other students talking I thought it was about me. I also (as mentioned earlier) feel as if there’s bugs or things crawling on me. I would also sometimes see things? Not actual ‘things’ but sometimes shadows. Nothing extreme but everything wasn’t normal. I perceived things as if they were 2D almost. Everything felt flat.
Talking back with my friend on this, he said that he was worried and wasn’t sure what to do because he said what I had been saying wasn’t making sense for the most part, and that he was really concerned for my health and the other students? He thought that I was going to kill myself after. I’m surprised I didn’t. I’m not suicidal but when the scenarios get as bad as that I feel as if I’m a different person.
I don’t think normally when this happens, I feel as if I’m a different person and that as if I’m fighting with someone else sometimes. I’m also very talkative but I have a habit of starting sentences, forgetting what I’m talking about, and then switching to another topic? As if I had a piece of string that was let’s say purple, had to connect to the other purple string, left a blank spot, put in a pink piece of string and then connected the purple piece of string to the pink of string? It’s really weird. I don’t know.
Please if you know anything that could help me or any similar experiences feel free to comment!! I just want help and I’m so nervous to see my doctor. The last experience happened in April but my last episode was just a couple weeks ago. /: Thank you for reading!
[FONT="]So I should probably tell you quickly about myself, I'm a 15 year old female going into grade 11, I'm very social, or so I believe so, I always have talked to people, never been too much of an introvert but not a full extrovert. [/FONT]
[FONT="]I've been having feelings ever since maybe a year ago but it all started with going through slight phases of paranoia. Sometimes I have these strong feelings as if people are watching me? I hadn't had any bad anxiety and personally I loved being in crowds, I never was scared of them. But it started with paranoia, I would get really nervous with simple tasks such as walking to the store or even talking to my mom (parents are divorced so I live with my mom and 13 year old sister). I was walking to the store one time to get milk and I cried while walking there because I thought people were gonna hurt me, and that people were watching me? Even though cars would only pass by? [/FONT]
I would believe that it was the same person in the car, switching vehicles to watch me walk to the store. And then I went in the store to get milk, cried in the store, bought the milk and ran home with the milk. Giving it to my mom and then locking myself in my room. When things like this would happen I would lock myself in my room, I didn't really feel like anything? I would feel nothing but paranoid, sad, and angry. This would happen for a couple of days and I wouldn't eat food, or eat very little amounts.
I would only go to the washroom at night when my mom and sister weren't awake. And I would lash out at my mom for the slightest things, such as there being no toothpaste or paper towel. She would correct my behavior and just leave me alone. This happened every couple of months but the feelings of paranoia would linger around until I had eventually forgotten about them. But during this time I had become EXTREMELY convinced that the government was plotting against me, that I was a robot? They were controlling me and my thoughts and I had finally become aware of what they had been doing? My arms and legs felt if I was simply a puppet. I started to imagine that the 911 and terrorist attacks were staged, that other countries didn't exist and that if I had flown to another country it would be generated. Almost as if I was in a simulator game and I thought that the people around me were trying to manipulate me. I would also feel as if bugs were on me which weren't there?
After these feelings would come and go, I discussed it with my mom because I was afraid of what was going to happen if I let the feelings persist and well, she told me that I was "fine" and that it was common around my age to feel such way but when I talk to my peers about it they don't seem to have these experiences. I pretty much had shrugged it off, I was good for a couple of months and then the feelings had happened again but stronger and a lot more vivid. I was always a bit weird, I talk to myself sometimes, and I commonly refer to myself in third person. I would have someone ask "how are you?" and I'd reply with "She's good, how are you doing today?" or things such as "We're good!" Along when I'm at home I'll ask myself how I'm doing and I'll reply with "We're doing great today? How about you? I'm feeling good too." I would have conversations with myself when I was alone? In my head, I would sometimes feel as if I was kind of fighting with myself when it had come to decisions, I would tell myself I wanted to eat this or that, but then I'd change my decision, I would kind of fight with myself which would end up with me frustrated and distraught.
Anyways as I mentioned before, these feelings would come and go until they started affecting my friendships, and school.
My friend was used to my really exaggerated emotions, I would get mad at him for the slightest of things such as not responding back or not responding back with the right words, he had known I was bit strange and that this was how he was going to have to cope with things. We shared the same math class and that's really when it struck me that something was wrong.
I had woken up feeling a bit off that day, everything had felt surreal just like the usual. Stuck in a routine, my hands didn’t feel like my hands, neither did anything else. I felt off, paranoid by the bus driver and the people on it. My math class 10:45am and school starts at 8am, I wake up exactly at 5:45am. My first period was socials, I guess the teacher had noticed something was off because I had sat down quietly, not smiling but more just emotionless, kind of a blank stare that day. He had asked me if anything was wrong and I responded with no and proceeded to not say anything the rest of the class. When I was usually smiling and talking to the people around me.
I ended up heading to math class, paranoid of the students and suspicious of them, so I quickly headed to class, hoping that I wouldn’t draw any attention to myself. I listened to the lesson and I had never really understood math and my friend sat beside me (the one I mentioned earlier) where I shared my thoughts and feelings to him. I started chatting with him about how it didn’t really matter if we had all died then and there and how there was no god to save us (which is weird because I’m catholic). I also told about how it didn’t matter if I had killed myself because I was going to die anyways and explained how our lives were meaningless considering most of us weren’t going to achieve anything book/legend worthy. I had gotten some odd stares and I ignored them, my friend didn’t know how to respond and the teacher just sat in the back not caring. Most of the students in my class didn’t care because I think they had realized I was going through something out of my control? I remember the girl who sat in front of me asked me if I was okay and I said it didn’t matter and that she didn’t care anyways because she was only ‘using’ our friendship? I barely talk to her outside of school? She quickly denied it and turned back around, my friend apologized for my behavior. I talked to him more about it, and then got upset at him and I explained how I didn’t know if I should had trusted him because he wasn’t “real” and was going to “kill me”. And then when someone would attempt to get near me I would move away, and just stare at them. I ended up completing the rest of my courses without talking and not walking home with my friends (out of routine) and going home quickly where I slept until morning. I skipped my classes the rest of the week until my feelings had faded away where I was able to attend again normally. I also would hear people calling my name, and when I heard other students talking I thought it was about me. I also (as mentioned earlier) feel as if there’s bugs or things crawling on me. I would also sometimes see things? Not actual ‘things’ but sometimes shadows. Nothing extreme but everything wasn’t normal. I perceived things as if they were 2D almost. Everything felt flat.
Talking back with my friend on this, he said that he was worried and wasn’t sure what to do because he said what I had been saying wasn’t making sense for the most part, and that he was really concerned for my health and the other students? He thought that I was going to kill myself after. I’m surprised I didn’t. I’m not suicidal but when the scenarios get as bad as that I feel as if I’m a different person.
I don’t think normally when this happens, I feel as if I’m a different person and that as if I’m fighting with someone else sometimes. I’m also very talkative but I have a habit of starting sentences, forgetting what I’m talking about, and then switching to another topic? As if I had a piece of string that was let’s say purple, had to connect to the other purple string, left a blank spot, put in a pink piece of string and then connected the purple piece of string to the pink of string? It’s really weird. I don’t know.
Please if you know anything that could help me or any similar experiences feel free to comment!! I just want help and I’m so nervous to see my doctor. The last experience happened in April but my last episode was just a couple weeks ago. /: Thank you for reading!
0
Comments
I would speak to a doctor and if you're nervous take someone with you? X
Haha, thanks for the reply
Do you know how to edit posts? I'm fairly new here. I had gone to the doctor before once with my mom and it was absolutely terrible, oh man. He was asking me all these questions and I just answered no to each one
Wondering how you're?