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LostsenseLostsense Fanatical PosterPosts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
First time I've posted in this topic,

57weeks ago tonight 😢 he used me, he abused me, he ruined me. He gets out in January 2020 and I've got life unless/until I end it.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi lost sense,
    I'm sorry to hear about what he did to you.. have you any support or counseling from this ?
    I'm very sorry to hear how down it has made you. But I wanted to say there is light and you can and will move on in your life. Although you feel ruined you aren't. You must have been very strong for him to go to prison. It may feel like because of what has happened you are under a life sentence.

    And you won't forget what has happened. But it can and probably already has made you stronger than before.

    Have you tried to write out how you are feeling like poems / journals/ tried to draw ? They can help you to express how you are feeling so it's not all bottled up.

    I hope things get a little easier soon. And I'm sorry for what has happened.
  • LostsenseLostsense Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    Hi turtle

    Thanks for for your reply,

    I'm on a waiting list for counselling,

    I wasent going to let him get away with it, I would encourage all victims of rape/sexual abuse to report it.

    I did for a while write and I wrote pages and pages but then I stopped a while ago. I am unable to write now
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Lost sense,

    First of all I am so so sorry that you've had to endure this, I can't even begin to fathom how you're feeling. But know this, you are so incredibly brave for finding the courage to report it and to take the time to post here, Please, if your having thoughts about ending your life, seek help. Being on a waiting list is not okay. Contact your doctor and insist that this simply cannot wait or telephone the Samaritans
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's a waiting list for NHS counselling. I don't think it possible to jump the queue.

    The Samaritans are only a listening service; they can't give counselling, advice, information etc. They're ordinary members of the public who volunteer. They're not counsellors or medical professionals. Hence they can only serve as a stop-gap during a brief crisis, rather than help for the medium or long term.
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is indeed possible to move forward in the que. I know this from experience myself. That said, I don't know that much about the Samaritans so you could well be right there but there will be other organisations and charities which do have trained professionals to help. I'm surprised that their volunteers aren't trained for such things though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    http://rapecrisis.org.uk They offer a phone line as well as many other services, I hope this helps
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Samaritans receive basic training. However, it's not anywhere near as extensive as the knowledge and qualifications that a counsellor, nurse, psychologist or doctor has.
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Obviously :)
  • LostsenseLostsense Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    Hi Murphy,

    Seek help if I'm having thoughts of ending my life? What help? He keeps telling me to set fire to the flat I live in and wants me to stay in the fire. They want me dead.

    Everything is waiting lists nowaday. Im not on a waiting list through my gp for counselling I'm with a rape and sexual violence project local to me. I am not concatcting the Samaritans anymore I've had enough of them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry can you be more specific? It was my understanding that he currently incarcerated so how could he tell you things like that? Who is they?

    Do you have a trusted friend of family member who can contact the project and or make you an appointment with your GP? Or try ringing the number of the website I posted above?
  • StephSteph Posts: 448 Cool Newbie
    Hi Steph,:)

    Sorry to hear you're feeling this way, we're all here to listen and offer our support to you, sounds like things are really tough right now, you're doing really well to talk about it here. Who is it that wants you dead, are you talking about the voice that you hear that you mentioned in your other thread? Sounds so hard to try and cope with. *hug*

    Is the rape and sexual violence project separate to the counselling through your GP?:chin: Have you heard of this organisation called SafeLine? It could be useful to have a look at and there's lots of ways you can contact them like over live chat phone or email.

    There's also a hearing voices forum that could be something worth looking at too, you can find it here

    As we've said before as we aren't a crisis support service at The Mix if you're feeling in a time of crisis and this becomes too much we'd urge you to contact someone for crisis support like Papyrus or contact the emergency services on 999.

    We're here for you if you'd like to talk more about how you're feeling and whats going on for you right now. *hug*
  • LostsenseLostsense Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    The voices keep telling me to set a fire in the flat I live in and wants me to stay in the fire. The perpetrator scumbag is in prision but he (because he dosent like me telling people his name) is they/he/ (the voices/person in my head) why do I need someone to contact the project? Gp is useless been their many times. I have a number for the project so I called her on Sunday
  • LostsenseLostsense Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    Yes Steph I am,

    The counselling that I am waiting for is with the rape and sexual violence project. NOT through a gp.
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is the person who sexually abused you actually contacting you? If so, you should report that in order to have him prevented from contacting you again.

    You said that he's expected to be in prison for over 3 more years, so why are you currently so anxious about him being released?

    Can you tell the difference between a voice in your head that isn't real and a real person speaking to you?

    Waiting for help is frustrating, but many organisations have waiting lists.
  • LostsenseLostsense Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    No Shaun who raped me is in prision until January 2020 and IS NOT contacting me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's the voices in your head that want you dead and are telling you to set fire to the flat? If you know they're not real, you know not to do what they say. They're not real, so they can't physically hurt you or make you do anything. I realise it must be difficult, but it's best to ignore them.

    You probably need anti-psychotic medication. This is something that would be prescribed by a psychiatrist.

    Do you suffer from hallucinations?
  • LostsenseLostsense Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    I am on an ap I'm not stupid lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No-one's saying you're stupid. We're on your side. We're here to try to help you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi ,

    I hope that you can get through your feeling how long is the wait ? I understand how long the waits can be and i hope when you get counselling it will be great :)

    steph suggested safeline ? have you tried them ? i used there texting service a while ago and it helped just knowing someone who understood was there.

    keep posting :)

  • LostsenseLostsense Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    Hi turtle,

    Probs be about 6weeks for my inital assesment for counselling now and then further wait for a counsellor. I hope so too! I have been using RAINN which is offers an only chat and I think I signed up for safeline lastnight so just working things out on it :)

    Thankyou
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is that six weeks from when you first applied for counselling - or six weeks from now?
  • LostsenseLostsense Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    No I was put on the waiting list about 3weeks ago and the lady said 10weeks for just an assesment for counselling so between 6-7 weeks more just for that
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you know how long the wait will be between the assessment and the start of the actual counselling?
  • LostsenseLostsense Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    No I forgot what she said but they'll tell me when I get called in for an assesment for the counselling how long more it will be for the actual counselling to start
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you have to pay for the counselling?
  • LostsenseLostsense Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    No
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Lost sense , im glad you are using RAINN and i also hope safeline works out too. We are here for you to talk to anytime.

    How are you feeling about the inital assesment ? i hope that it will go well for you.. im sure it will :)

    how are you feeling about him being in prison? does that make you feel a little more safer ?

    you are very strong.
    wishing you all the best
  • LostsenseLostsense Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,331 Fanatical Poster
    hey turtle

    yeah I know what questions they ask for the initial assessment for counselling because I had counselling with west mercia rape sexual abuse support centre but then moved away with other complications so I'm feeling fine about that because I know what the assessment is like. Thaankyou :)

    errrm he didn't get long enough! sometimes I don't evan think he is in prision. I swear I saw him a few weeks ago. errrm wonder what his doing in his cell! probs watching tv which is ridiculous why the fuck wouldt cells have tvs but you know most do now. Alll so wrongggggg. No I don't feel safe at all I don't think I ever will now. I carry a hammer, spray and a panic alrm around with me all the time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix Honorary Guru Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi . Sorry this post might not be the best.
    That's great news that you feel okay about the assessment.

    I can understand the feeling of seeing him in other people. It's good you carry an alarm and things. Do you often go out with friends. To keep busy?

    I'm sorry that you feel he deserved longer. Sorry I don't really know what to say about that.

    Anyway keep posting :) Try and do something nice for yourself
  • Cat88Cat88 Posts: 377 Cool Newbie
    Hi Steph how are you doing? I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I know a few organisations have been mentioned, but do you have any friends or family that you are able to talk to about how you're feeling? I really want to ensure you have some sort of support even if formal channels are keeping you waiting.

    In the meantime you can of course talk on here as much as you need to. Try to take each day at a time - as his release date is 3 years away you have a long time to try to find way to manage your anxiety, and I'm confident there will be a way that works for you.

    Sending lots of positivity your way <3
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