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Boyfriend upset about his christmas present....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months now. When christmas time came around we were constantly talking about what gifts to buy each other. I happen to love many things, which was easier on him cause I am not picky and I love everything. My boyfriend on the other hand would not tell me anything, and is rather very picky. He only likes certain things. It wasn't until 4 days before christmas that he told me he wanted a Hermes cologne, which I purchased. I knew he loved cashmere shirts and would always look at them when we went shopping, and the brand Vince, so I went searching for one for him to add to his gift. Online I happened to find a really nice cashmere shirt from Vince, normally retailing at $295 for about $65 which i purchased... I also had found a cashmere cardigan by Michael Kors for $150 from Macys, which i was going to buy until he told me he doesn't wear michael kors, and they had sold out. I was also looking into some nice peacocks, but he couldn't wear it since he is allergic to wool, so I just stuck with the shirt and cologne which both together cost about $200. The Eve of chrsitmas eve he had mentioned that he wanted a money clip and was looking at a few by Mont Blanc, Gucci, Cartier, etc... Not having much time I went to bloomingdales looking for the clips but they were completely sold out, being christmas eve and all. So I left and just wrapped up what I already had. He spent about $300 on me because he bought me a purse I've been wanting and some shoes I've had my eye on.... Today he found out I purchased the shirt from a saks outlet store for $65 and was really upset that i bought it from an outlet store. I am upset at him for this because I think it's ridiculous. I had the hardest time trying to find a gift he would like since he wouldn't give me much to work with until last minute. A gift shouldn't be about the money spent on it, but the thought put into it. I don't like that he is being so materialistic and shallow about it, and never expected it from him. Don't get me wrong, I would be more then glad to buy anything he wanted, but he didn't want anything I could get. If I were in he's shoes I would be happy that he found something I like for such a good deal without spending much on it. I also do not really work so I don't have much money to spend. Am I wrong for what I did?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think he's in the wrong. It's not the money. it's the thought that counts. I'd be happy that my partner is someone who was the sort of person who is clearly looking for a bargain.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Melian wrote: »
    I think he's in the wrong. It's not the money. it's the thought that counts. I'd be happy that my partner is someone who was the sort of person who is clearly looking for a bargain.

    I agree :thumb: it's the thought that counts. Your not in the wrong at all.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hey, agree with others that you're not in the wrong or to blame for your boyfriends reaction. However, sounds like that's not necessarily the key thing here right now - perhaps it's more that even though you know you did the best you could for him, it still hurts to know he's unhappy and dissatisfied with your efforts - and knowing how to understand why he's reacted in this way could be really tough.

    We've got a Love Smart tool that you could explore for some insights if you enjoy getting info/advice in this kind of format: http://lovesmart.thesite.org/menu

    You may also want to take some time to think about the best way to express yourself knowing that his response possibly relates to issues you may not know anything about, it's not necessarily about digging into that, but more about letting him know you feel hurt and giving him the space to reflect on his behaviour towards you.

    You may also find it helpful to explore love languages - perhaps your boyfriend puts all his energy into gifts as representing love without realizing that others don't necessarily feel the same way? Particularly as it sounds like you're quite pragmatic about these kinds of things recognizing that getting into debt for the sake of a frivolous gift usually isn't worth it! It's amazing how much emotion can be attached to money though - it's up there in the top 5 reasons for couples arguing so you're not alone.

    Hope some of this is helpful, do come back to us if you'd like to explore this further.

    Best of luck!
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