Is it ever OK to have a threesome when you're in a serious relationship?

Former Member

It's quite common to fantasise about having a threesome. But is involving someone else in your sexual relationship really a good idea? Is it just a bit of harmless fun? Or the first (or last!) step on a very slippery slope?

Tell us what you think!

Former Member

Everyone couple can make their own choice, in that sense it's fine, but personally I think it's a terrible thing. I reckon it would bring out more jealousy in one or both partners and I can almost guarantee that some people would forever hold it against their partner in one way or another. All I can imagine is the stupid drama it would cause. Also, I think it totally goes against love. You build that trust with a partner that nobody else is a part of so I find it very difficult to understand why anyone would invite basically an outsider to be a part of such a special bond. I imagine a partner asking to do such a thing would leave me feeling extremely low about myself.

Former Member

Hmm, so it sounds like whilst it can seem like a fun idea, you guys feel that the reality of it may well leave one or other of the couple feeling low, jealous, confused..?

It's also interesting you mention trust @butterfly123 - such an important part if feeling comfortable when you're being intimate with someone, bringing in someone else could perhaps mean you felt less comfortable and safe?

What else do you think might work better if a couple was looking to 'spice things up' @Whowhere?

Former Member

Jo7 wrote: »

It's also interesting you mention trust @butterfly123 - such an important part if feeling comfortable when you're being intimate with someone, bringing in someone else could perhaps mean you felt less comfortable and safe?

Exactly. I think even wanting to bring someone else in for something like that would destroy a huge amount of trust and comfort. If that's really a risk a partner would be willing to take then you know your relationship has problems - that's how I'd feel anyway.

Former Member

I know couples who had threesomes on a semi-regular occasion, it was always consensual between both and both in the couple had to be attracted to him for it to go forward. They've not had any in the past 2 years that I'm aware of (they usually talk openly about it) and now they're engaged. It doesn't work for everyone.

I've been that 3rd wheel in someone else's' relationship and it didn't end well for them, I was cool with it and made sure they were at the time (since it was their idea), but they split up 2 weeks after having arguments because I prefered one over the other and insecurities came out. O'well.

Former Member

i think its not okay. Fantasy should be fantasy, even if it turning me on, getting teased and ***** by two men at the same time. But it is just a fantasy and as long as im in a relationship i wouldnt do that.Some Couples do that often.....Thats called Cuckold ore polyamory

Former Member

JavaKrypt wrote: »

I know couples who had threesomes on a semi-regular occasion, it was always consensual between both and both in the couple had to be attracted to him for it to go forward. They've not had any in the past 2 years that I'm aware of (they usually talk openly about it) and now they're engaged. It doesn't work for everyone.

I've been that 3rd wheel in someone else's' relationship and it didn't end well for them, I was cool with it and made sure they were at the time (since it was their idea), but they split up 2 weeks after having arguments because I prefered one over the other and insecurities came out. O'well.

Thanks for sharing that, it's interesting to see the difference between the two couples. You say the first couple usually talked openly about it, it made me wonder if the second couple did?

After your experience of being the 3rd wheel, do you think it's made you more or less likely to invite a 3rd wheel into a relationship you're in at some point?

Former Member

The second couple did talk about threesomes, I didn't know them that long, about 6-7 months or so. The first couple are my best friends, known them for over 8 years, so it was more open to talk about those things. I'm still moot on the idea of threesomes, I'd probably follow the same idea my best friends had, to keep it mutual and consensual equally if it was to ever happen, if my partner didn't like the idea, it wouldn't kill our relationship, i'd be perfectly fine with it.