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Mixed signals from a female colleague?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey,

Kinda stuck on this one.. Bare with me as this could get lengthy. I've been at my current job for nearly 8 months now. And there's a really nice girl I like there. She's in a different department from me and it's also on a different floor. So I hardly see her. The only time I see her is when she comes up to my department to catch up with colleagues (she was in my department before I started), She would be having a wee chat or laugh with them. And the other times are when I'm down on her floor to speak to another area.

I make small chat with her when I see her, and to me, she's dead pleasant and a very nice person - always saying hi or waving at a distance/ behind the window of a meeting room. She does show a bit of the body language of that she may be interested but at the same time, I don't know if that's her personality, just friendly. I've caught her looking at me and she's also caught me lol. So she called department and I answered, asking the most simplest of queries. Then she sent me a short, but a very enthusiastic, follow up email to thank me for the help.

After that, I've sent her a few emails (work related), and the most recent one she asked for me to call her to discuss it as it was a bit more complicated. So we chatted about it for a few minutes and we joked a bit and stuff, tiny doses of flirting etc. So at this point I was thinking maybe...or maybe still just being nice.

Anyway, a works night out was in place on the same day of that call. She didn't show up till later on due to her work schedule. Before she arrived one of the guys (very drunk) started going round saying "you and her would be a perfect couple". (Mind you, I've not told anyone that I do actually like her). So he's dancing about, yelling that, while I'm standing there pretending not knowing what was going on. He's worked with her for years and is good friends with her.

So when she did show up, she pretty much avoided me the whole night. I said hi the first time and she said hi as well but it ended straight away she went and hugged a colleague and started chatting away. Intoxicated and confused as I was, I still managed to keep cool and not make a fool of out myself. I just chatted away with other colleagues. So the bar closed and the remainder of us decided we go to another one.

When we got there I tried to talk to her but again she was dead quick to end it and started talking to the same people she had been with all night. So I went and asked some colleagues that have known her for longer to find out if she was single and it would seem so, from what I remember anyway - this may also cause a bit of office gossip lol.

So, my question is.. Why is she so approachable and friendly at work but almost completely ignores me on a night out?

Thanks for taking the time to read this, any pointers would be great

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    God knows what happened on that night out. That was only a single occasion and can mean everything (suddenly being in private with her makes this all too real for her and she withdrew) or nothing (nervous? when you showed up she was already too drunk? idk). If you were having such an easy time talking in the office I would simply call her during work hours and ask if she fancies to go out for a beer after work (and if today is not working, tomorrow is just as fine). Just really low commitment stuff just to see if she even bites. If she talks her way out of it and does not suggest another time where she can then drop it. You haven't discussed much private stuff yet, and what you experienced could just be office banter.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there,

    Hmmm sounds like a tricky one. Although the signals she's given could suggest she's interested in you, there could also be nothing behind them and she may just see you as a friend. It's pretty hard to tell without having a decent conversation with her. It doesn't have to be a conversation about whether she likes you or not but just a friendly chat about something other than work i.e. music, food, films etc.

    Inviting her for a drink might be hard, since you've only spoken about work stuff so far. Perhaps it would be best to start by going over to her desk to say hi next time you're on her floor, what do you think?

    There could be any number of reasons behind her behaviour when you saw her out. She might have been keen to catch up with colleagues from her old team, or maybe she felt shy.

    It's probably best not to read too much into it; start by trying to get to know her as a work friend and if you can, avoid trying to work out if she's interested for the time being. Once you start chatting more, it will become apparent/obvious without you having to puzzle over it.

    Hope this helps and good luck!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    God knows what happened on that night out. That was only a single occasion and can mean everything (suddenly being in private with her makes this all too real for her and she withdrew) or nothing (nervous? when you showed up she was already too drunk? idk). If you were having such an easy time talking in the office I would simply call her during work hours and ask if she fancies to go out for a beer after work (and if today is not working, tomorrow is just as fine). Just really low commitment stuff just to see if she even bites. If she talks her way out of it and does not suggest another time where she can then drop it. You haven't discussed much private stuff yet, and what you experienced could just be office banter.

    Yeah, she's just ridiculously nice. Maybe a bit more time spent getting to know her before asking her out etc. Thanks!
    Row wrote: »
    Hi there,

    Hmmm sounds like a tricky one. Although the signals she's given could suggest she's interested in you, there could also be nothing behind them and she may just see you as a friend. It's pretty hard to tell without having a decent conversation with her. It doesn't have to be a conversation about whether she likes you or not but just a friendly chat about something other than work i.e. music, food, films etc.

    Inviting her for a drink might be hard, since you've only spoken about work stuff so far. Perhaps it would be best to start by going over to her desk to say hi next time you're on her floor, what do you think?

    There could be any number of reasons behind her behaviour when you saw her out. She might have been keen to catch up with colleagues from her old team, or maybe she felt shy.

    It's probably best not to read too much into it; start by trying to get to know her as a work friend and if you can, avoid trying to work out if she's interested for the time being. Once you start chatting more, it will become apparent/obvious without you having to puzzle over it.

    Hope this helps and good luck!

    Thanks for your reply. Yeah, she sometimes comes to my floor's breakout area as hers is usually busy so I chat with her there sometimes then about "hows your weekend been", "what have you been up to" "this colleague's hilarious when.." etc etc. Going to her desk is probably a bit awkward due to the layout of the office and her seating.

    You're probably most likely to be right about catching up with colleagues than to being shy. But you're definitely right about trying not to read her. I'll wait and see lol. Thanks
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Lostguy. Sounds tricky! I think work crushes are always slightly awkward as you have the pressure of trying to flirt as well as the pressure of knowing if you make it too obvious you could be the subject of office gossip the next day! Poor girl was probably shy and scared off by your colleague making it a talking point on the night!

    If I were you I'd keep it very low key.... maybe see via email if she fancies a coffee or something (and maybe open your email by mentioning what a tool your colleague was on that night, if she also witnessed his dancing and shouting!) There's a chance you've misread the signals but there's also a chance she is just as keen to see you but away from the glaring attention of all your colleagues! It's worth a try anyway :)

    Good luck!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophie.. wrote: »
    Hi Lostguy. Sounds tricky! I think work crushes are always slightly awkward as you have the pressure of trying to flirt as well as the pressure of knowing if you make it too obvious you could be the subject of office gossip the next day! Poor girl was probably shy and scared off by your colleague making it a talking point on the night!

    If I were you I'd keep it very low key.... maybe see via email if she fancies a coffee or something (and maybe open your email by mentioning what a tool your colleague was on that night, if she also witnessed his dancing and shouting!) There's a chance you've misread the signals but there's also a chance she is just as keen to see you but away from the glaring attention of all your colleagues! It's worth a try anyway :)

    Good luck!

    Hey, thanks for the input. Yeah keeping things low key is a must. She probably was, it definitely made me feel awkward anyway. I was walking to the mail room and she called me over to say hi as she was behind me, and we chatted briefly about the night out before her manager showed up lol. She said some that a few of them went to my colleagues flat (one who was dancing about) to drink some more so I dunno what's been said lol. When we were talking she said it like she was really wasted and couldn't remember much from the moment we left the first bar, so dunno if she was avoiding anything lol

    But like you said, probably misreading the signals.. Overthinking this stuff is brain damaging.. Ugh
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