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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi. I registered a while back and i'm more of a lurker than a poster but i wanted to get a bit of a neutral viewpoint on a wee problem.

My girlfriend split up with me today. I knew it was coming and tried to prepare myself for it but when it comes to the crunch, you're never truely ready to hear the words.

Bit of backround...... We have known each other for about a year and a half, but didn't get together untill 6 months ago. When we did it was amazing. I instantly won all of her family and friends blessings (they are both very tight, close groups so that was a pretty big thing) and things were great. She doesn't really like to reveal her emotions because shes been let down in the past by varrious people in her life(not just boyfriends) but she told me she loved me after a month. I felt the same and things were pretty much perfect. We went away on a few weekend breaks to London and Glasgow and pretty much lived in each others pockets.

Then came the problems. She left to do youth work in the USA for 4 weeks, came back for 6 days and left again to do the same thing in Kenya for 3 weeks. Before she left for America she gave me a letter pouring out so many positive emotions for me i couldn't really believe she had written it.

BUT, In between the 2 trips things between us became dodgy. My Grandad died and i was stressed and we had a few fights. When she got home from Kenya things became really bad. We were bitching at each other any time we spoke. We had a talk about it and she assured me it was just because she was having a hard time dealing with the extreme poverty she experienced in Africa, and coming back to our materialistic life was a bit strange. She said things woud be normal after that.

We didn't see each other for 4 weeks after that talk tho. She and I have jobs in different towns so can't see each other during the week and at the weekends she was spending all her time with the people she went to Kenya with. Today we talked and she said that she doesn't want a relationship anymore because she needs to be on her own for a while but she still wants to be friends. She said she didn't know what had made her lose the feelings she had for me but she wishes she did.

So after all that my dilema is do i stay friends with the girl?

I still have feelings for her and i gutted that we've split up. I know i'd always want to try and get back with her so would i be better to just cut my losses. Only thing is it would be a big loss to lose friendship like that.



  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sometimes things work as lovers, sometimes things work just as friends.

    To me, it sounds like you're both meant to be together, but not necesarily as partners. I've been where you are (almost) and I remember how hard it was, but it's no reason to throw away a good friendship. With one of my girlfriends, I'm actually closer to her now that I'm just her friend than I ever was when we were dating.

    I'd stay friends with her - there's no real reason not to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Be friends.

    I'm still friends with my first love and I'm glad we decided to be. Granted, we live a far distance away from eachother but I don't wanna lose touch. Infact we met for a drink last week whilst I was in her neck of the months ( it's a year since we split up). We met about 6 months ago aswell.

    She has told me she still loves me and I feel the same about her too. Even though I've had 2 girlfriends since her and one of them I was "falling" for until she dumped me!

    It may sound hard and a living nightmare to be friends with a person you love but trust me, you can.

    I can see your point though of you thinking "I will always wanna get back with her"....... that's something you have to deal with.

    However I'm going to a party in 3 weeks and staying in a hotel for 2 nights and my ex is going to. Obviously it will be separate rooms and stuff and I know deep down nothing will happen, but part of me is thinking " bloody hell, hope we end up together for a night passion just for old times sake" :D

    LOL..... that's just natural though.

    Good luck mate!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Was gonna post about this sort of issue so wil do it here!

    As I posted I split wit my chao last sun...we still friends yet he seems so much more able to be this way than me...I saw him last night and found it so hard. How can i speed things up...get my feelings from girlfriend to friend. I miss him so much and seriously still love him but i need to stop...How?!:confused:

    I managed it before but this is different cuz i didn't finish things, before I did. I feel so pathetic and down its so dumb!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As long as you both understand the words 'just friends' then things will be just rosy.

    As for the 'i still love this person' feelings they won't go anywhere if you had something special but obvious not meant to be if you are apart now.

    Just move on & don't dwell on something that wasn't meant to be.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Skateside
    To me, it sounds like you're both meant to be together, but not necesarily as partners


    Sometimes thats just the way its meant to be.

    I'm also in a similar position. We got on really well as friends, started going out and after a few months it just all collapsed! But now we see each other all the time, are at the same halls site and have a much better time than when we were going out. It twinges abit to see him with/hear him talking about new girls and stuff.

    Some things are meant to be, some arent.
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