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Is secret drinking similar to alcoholism?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've just been searching around my computer room (ie. my dad's office) for a DVD but instead I've found a nearly empty 10 glass bottle of vodka. This isn't the first time I've found my dad's whiskey etc. but it's been enough to get me wondering.
My dad's side of the family has had a problem with the drink (alcoholic grandad, uncle etc.) but according to my mum my dad's always been OK, just sticking to a glass or two of wine in the evening. However, it's pretty obvious that my dad's been hitting a little more than the wine and it seems he does it frequently. The thing is I never see him drunk and I assume my mum doesn't but my dad does stay up very late most nights.
The way I see it, my dad regularly drinks in secret while he works. Is this a sign of alcoholism or am I just jumping the gun here?
My dad's side of the family has had a problem with the drink (alcoholic grandad, uncle etc.) but according to my mum my dad's always been OK, just sticking to a glass or two of wine in the evening. However, it's pretty obvious that my dad's been hitting a little more than the wine and it seems he does it frequently. The thing is I never see him drunk and I assume my mum doesn't but my dad does stay up very late most nights.
The way I see it, my dad regularly drinks in secret while he works. Is this a sign of alcoholism or am I just jumping the gun here?
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Do you think you can talk about it with him?
If you dont want to do this then I would advise that either you tell your mum, or if you dont feel up to this you could go down to your doctors and get a few leflets about it, then just put them where you found the bottles. That way if he wants to he can read them.
I think you should do something though, alcoholism is known to have some genetic and therefore inherited traits, so the family history doesnt sound good.
I don't think I could confront my dad about it either because he has the kind of temperment that means he would just get angry and deny anything was wrong.
I guess I just want to get him to stop without actually confronting him with it. I'll try the leaflet idea but leave them with some schoolwork in his office and if he asks I'll just say I got them in school.
With any luck I've learnt from my dad's side of the family and won't get myself in the messes they did. When I first started drinking I used to really hit it harder than my mates but I've managed to tone it down and limit myself to the occassional heavy session.
Thanks for your advice
In the UK, more than 2 million families are affected by someone with a drinking problem. Alateen provide support for young people living with a problem drinker in the family. Call 020 7403 0888 and get some advice from the people in the know.
Good luck
Which is better? To play happy families and pretend everything is OK or help Dad sort out what could possibly be a problem? I would ask your Dad about it first, see how he reacts, and if he gets defensive or angry, then maybe you should tell your mum. At the end of the day, no one can force you confront him, and no one can force him to admit to having a problem.
If he is drinking more than your usual couple of drinks on a night then obviously you wont see him drunk, his body will get used to drinking, so for him to get drunk then he is gonna have to have a good session out if you know what i mean.
I think if he is hiding drink then he obviously knows this would be a problem if not for himself but for the rest of the family, why else would he hide drink? So yeah i think he knows he has a problem. What is your Mothers view on drink? is she totally against it? is that why he hides drink because he knows she would be mad with him?
I think id say to your Mother something along the lines of "whose is this " and just say you have just found it. Yes your telling white lies but it beats saying "hey look Mum heres Dads secret stash of Vodka". If she knows about it then she can be the one to confront him, keeping you well out of the equasion.
Hope you get some help, it must be pretty hard on you.
to be honest its kinda like someone my age (16) hiding beer in their room to take out etc but without wanting parents to find out.
if he gets drunk then its a sign of alcoholism, but a couple of glasses of whiskey cant hurt anyone. and this mostly empty bottle could have been there for ages, being drunk over time.
dont worry
I'm sorry, but i have to completely disagree with you.
To your first comment. Its obviously not normal if he feels the need to hide it.
To your second, your kind of proving my first point. Its not normal and you'd know it if you were hiding it in your room to keep it from your parents as you knew it was wrong, would you not?
To your last, not necessarily. As Beckyboo said earlier, as his body becomes used to the alcohol, he will not always appear affected by it. Lastly, maybe the bottle was there for ages and maybe it wasnt. Even so, (not trying to scare or worry you Tim) who says there isnt more hidden somewhere in the house? I mean, he's done it once... right?
Sorry to disagree.
For you it may be classed as normal because thats all you know. You may have been brought up to *think* its ok to have a couple of whiskies or whatever. I however only tend to drink on an evening when im at the pub or have a couple in the house which are in front of anyone here, I dont hide bottles I let everyone see what im drinking.
I dont think you can compare a 16 yr old hiding drink to an adult man, he has no reason to hide drink as he is legal to drink, he can buy alcohol so the only reason he would hide bottles is that he does not want people to know he is drinking.
A couple of glasses of whisky is not the *norm* if its done on a regular basis, also have you tried measuring a drink you would pour for yourself at home compared to the measure you would buy at the pub? There is usually one hell of a difference. In the home you probably pour yourself a double when you think its only a single shot. You try pouring a drink for yourself that you think is a suitable amount then measure it properly, I bet your amazed at the difference.