If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Have I Lost Her?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is sort of a long story but bear with me plz!
Im 18 and my gf is 16. We av been 2gether 4 over 18mths now. We both lost our V 2eachother. We are both highly jealous ppl.
Last week she told me she had got off with a THIRD person which happened 4mths ago (january ish). On all three occasions she got off with sum1 while out clubbing. You may think im over reacting but this has really hurt me inside. I love this girl2bits. I'd do anything for her. Everytime she goes clubbing I get all worked up and even had panic attacks. I never fort a girl cud make me feel like this. But now i seem 2bjealous bout everything she does, even wen she went dwn the local pub with work m8s. I dont no wot2do anymore cus it feels like im loosing her. Today 4example she has contacted me at all...ive txd her several times. Ppl say giv her space n stuff but then i fink she'l jst cheat on me again. i dnt wna loose her, plz help me...:(
Im 18 and my gf is 16. We av been 2gether 4 over 18mths now. We both lost our V 2eachother. We are both highly jealous ppl.
Last week she told me she had got off with a THIRD person which happened 4mths ago (january ish). On all three occasions she got off with sum1 while out clubbing. You may think im over reacting but this has really hurt me inside. I love this girl2bits. I'd do anything for her. Everytime she goes clubbing I get all worked up and even had panic attacks. I never fort a girl cud make me feel like this. But now i seem 2bjealous bout everything she does, even wen she went dwn the local pub with work m8s. I dont no wot2do anymore cus it feels like im loosing her. Today 4example she has contacted me at all...ive txd her several times. Ppl say giv her space n stuff but then i fink she'l jst cheat on me again. i dnt wna loose her, plz help me...:(
0
Comments
You have every right to be worried! Why are you even still with her if she keeps treating you like shite?
Is she guilt ridden? If so what did she expect to get from telling you knowing that you are already a jealous person. How would she react if you had told her that you had snogged 2 other people?
My advice would be the same as your friends, give her space...let her prove to you that she wants to be with you. it sounds to me like she is going to keep on doing this and if you can't handle it why would you want to continue being in a relationship with her. Can you see yourselves still together in 2 years time with her still carrying on like she is - would you be happy?
An open relationship only works if you both agree to it.
She has betrayed your trust and frankly I cannot see your relationship getting better after this seeing as you are so jealous already.
I hope that this doesn't affect your future relationships but I really think you have chosen the wrong girl this time!
(not that a promise from someone who has already cheated can mean that much in my opinion!)
What is your girlfriend's attitude to all this? Like angelic girl said, has she promised not to do it again? Does she seem genuinely sorry?
LSS
She has not made a commitment to you - why the hell do you want to be with her?
By taking her back you will be saying 'You have told me you may do it again but I'm ok with that' and so when she does do it again it will be on your head!
DO YOU WANT AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP - because that is what she wants. Why not tell her that you are fine with her snogging other people and you are going to do the same.
Well then the only question is are you going to put up with it or are you going to walk?
You have to be prepared for the worst - she may turn round and tell you that she doesn't want to stay in the relationship, and if that's the case, you'll have to accept that it's for the best. However, she may realise just how close she is to losing you, and clean up her act.
I hope it's the latter, but like other people have said, this relationship shouldn't carry on if it's not making you happy and if she won't commit to it.
Hope you sort things out one way or the other, keep us posted.
LSS
I saw her last on wed nite, everything was fine. She sed she was goin to do revision lst nite, which i took with a pinch of salt and that she wud c me 2nite which i was suprised cus she had been invited2go clubbin earlier in d week. So, as u mite guess im not lookin 4ward 2 2nite, il b up all nite worrying n gettin ma sen worked up. U probably wont believe me but...shes SHY...finds it hard2say no! im babbling on now.
If she really won't sit and listen, then write her a letter?
Advice wise? She sounds as if she goes out, gets drunk and does silly things. Why not go with her?
She won't promise not to cheat on you again.
She's not contacting you.
She 'prank' calls you. (?!)
If you had your own way, you'd never have met her.
WHY oh why are you putting up with that?
I had problems of a similar nature with my boyfriend about a month ago(although he hadn't cheated on me, but he wasn't calling me and was v dismissive and rude to me quite often, messing me around etc), and I finally decided I wasn't going to put up with it any more.
I talked to him very seriously and told him openly and honestly how much it was upsetting me, and basically gave him 2 options:
a) he could improve, understand that I was upset and start treating me better
or
b) the relationship was over.
Luckily, he chose b and we're much, much happier now.
I suggest you do something similar with your girlfriend - there's no point putting up with this shitty treatment, and you need to realise that it won't get better unless you tell her just how upset you are, hint at ending the relationship in order to whip her into shape, and be prepared for the worst - if she won't try to change, it's not worth carrying on.
Good luck for tonight.
That's exactly what I think you should do, DelicateHeart. You're not going to like it, but you're not happy at the moment anyway from the sounds of it.
Tonight, have you got a mate you can ring? Go out with a friend or even just stay at home and chat to someone on the phone. It's what I sometimes do when my boyfriend hasn't contacted me and I want to resist the urge to phone him.
I know how you must be feeling - good luck.
(p.s If i got off with other ppl, that wud make me as bad as her. I also know that she wudnt like that. Another fing is, who else wud want 2get off wid me anyway!?!? low self confidence)
And talking about 'who else would want me?' is telling - it's a very bad idea to stay in a relationship just because you're worried she's the only one who wants you. Firstly, you sound like a nice bloke who deserves way better than her so I'm sure someone else would want you, and secondly, who cares? Being single isn't that bad.
Go out with your friends, have some fun, try to forget about her and realise that life can be great if you don't have to worry about her. Trust me, you'd be happier out of this one.
I can't think of anyone who would understand, all my mates would say dump her etc. Or just laugh. I haven't really got one close mate.
There is no word limit here.
DelicateHeart, it does help if you type full words txt spk isn't really popular on these boards, as it makes your posts harder to read, and can make some of the moodier members of the boards a little worked up :rolleyes:
:yes: no text speak! Seriously it is really hard to make sense of!
Also, what do you mean we're against you! We're trying to help you :rolleyes: It's not our fault if you won't listen. I really do feel for you and I know how hard it must be, but you've got to pull together all the confidence you have in yourself, think 'I CAN survive this and I DO deserve to be happy' and then sort things out. Either you're made happy by her improving, or you're made happy by ending a bad relationship. Simple as.
"Life's a bitch and I'm going out with one"
Going to have a drive around now, this week gets better.
Answer this very simple question: after all that's happened, all that we've said and all that your mates have said....
Why won't you end it? Just explain why. I can't understand.