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But they've never met!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My best friend is claiming that she has a boyfriend. I was very happy for her but then I found out that she met him through a text chat service and now they speak online.
She has never met him and neither of them can afford to travel to meet the other.
Now I personally wouldn't call this guy my boyfriend, because I think to be sure of someone you need to meet them in the flesh. Some things just don't come across in texts and online.
She says that she won't be looking for a boyfriend because she has one. Someone she used to really like asked her out last week and she would normally have said yes, but she said she had a boyfriend.
Now I know you might all think I am being silly about all this, but here is the most important part: She met her last boyfriend the same way and sent him money to get the train to visit her. She went to pick him up from the station and he didn't turn up and since then he won't answer his phone etc. So she was conned out of a lot of money by him. I thought she would have learned her lesson, but she is contemplating offering him the money (when she gets paid) to come and visit her (she can't travel long distances for medical reasons - she has dialysis).
Anyway, what I really want to know is what advice I can give her (she has asked me what I think!). Do I tell her what I really think? We have been friends for 20 years!
She has never met him and neither of them can afford to travel to meet the other.
Now I personally wouldn't call this guy my boyfriend, because I think to be sure of someone you need to meet them in the flesh. Some things just don't come across in texts and online.
She says that she won't be looking for a boyfriend because she has one. Someone she used to really like asked her out last week and she would normally have said yes, but she said she had a boyfriend.
Now I know you might all think I am being silly about all this, but here is the most important part: She met her last boyfriend the same way and sent him money to get the train to visit her. She went to pick him up from the station and he didn't turn up and since then he won't answer his phone etc. So she was conned out of a lot of money by him. I thought she would have learned her lesson, but she is contemplating offering him the money (when she gets paid) to come and visit her (she can't travel long distances for medical reasons - she has dialysis).
Anyway, what I really want to know is what advice I can give her (she has asked me what I think!). Do I tell her what I really think? We have been friends for 20 years!
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Comments
If I were you, I'd advise her not to be conned into losing money and being too trusting at first, and remind her what happened last time. There's no reason why she shouldn't meet up with him if she wants to, but she should still be careful - he's probably a perfectly nice guy, but better safe than sorry - internet conmen can be clever little buggers, very convincing but still no more genuine than the things that go bump in the night.
So yes, tell her what you think - but don't be too... what's the word... scornful? patronising? cynical? yes, cynical - about whether she can have a relationship with someone online, because it does happen.
I find this sort of thing hard to understand too. I understand people meeting off the net and striking up a relationship, but I don't get how people seem to be so involved without meeting each other! I have a 'friend' who does this a lot - she's even claimed in the past to be in love with guys she's never met and who live thousands and thousands of miles away. I can't quite get my head round it.
But hey, don't knock it till you've tried it, I guess.
I was a bit worried at first, if I should really 'date' online, but you can't ignore your feelings, so I'm dealing with an online relationship right now.
It's tough. If your friend is truely in love, then let them. If you think she's hiding by finding guys on the net, then help her and try to find out why she's hiding.
If she's willing to take responsibility and suffer the consequences of a long distance relationship/online relationship, then let her.