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Is it in my head or is it the distance?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm more than sure that this has been a topic of discussion manier times on this board but i really am shot as to what to do and would be really grateful for some support or advice or personal experience in this matter.

I got with a guy two months ago. we saw each other daily or atleast every other day on average so we got close, i havent slept with him due to stuff in my past and i wanted to be sure he liked me for me before taking it further. well, two weeks ago he got a job offer in ireland which would take him away until xmas, but its doing what he loves so i was supportive and said if he wants it he should go and asked if he wanted to try and make this work long distance (even though i was sceptical) and he said yes because i made him happy. I was chuffed and he left and we decided we would visit one another.

the thing is, although he sends me great txt messages and calls me every few days (or me him) i cant get rid of my doubts. i feel so insecure and vulnerable and unwanted with him away but i cant tell him that because we havent been together long enough and it would ruin what he is enjoying over there. today he told me how the people he had met wanted to meet me but when he told me how he described me it was wierd, it wasnt how i thought he saw me at all and the doubts in me raged really strong and i wanted to hang up and cry. Am i being a prat? should i let him go before i do his head in or my own? I adore him but i didnt see this coming, with him leaving and now i dont know where to turn. Sometimes i feel i cant miss him more than i do and other times i feel that underneath it all there is a reason he is with me besides liking me. I am so confused...

does it show!?:eek2: :confused: :eek: :crazyeyes :(:(

so i was wondering if anyone had been through the same and how they dealt with it or just peoples opinions would be really appreciated. thanks. xxx.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok, well im in a long distance relationship, but its kinda differnt to yours, as he never lived near me to begin with! But i can sympathise with not being able to see him...it can really get you down, especially when you see everyone esle with their partners and you know that you other half isnt around :mad: Hmmm...dont really know what that had to do with anything but, ah well!

    *oh what was i gona say?* Ohh yeh i remember now...as for the doubts, i kinda know where you're coming from. I often have doubts as to whether my boyf really wants to be with me or if im just a bit of fun when he's down my way etc. but i think if you really like him you should stick in there. Thats the advice my mate gave me yesterday. Everyone has doubts, long distance relationship or not. Its not unusual to become slightly paranoid and worry. Its just when your doubts become certaincies (is there such a word?!) Well basically what im trying to say is, if its just a thought in your head, pass it by, but if you become genuinely (sp?) worried and start to have big secnod thoughts you should think things through.

    Try talking with your parnter. tell him how you feel, what your concerns are, then maybe he can put your mind at ease. Maybe he's feeling the same? See what he has to say.

    Im sorry, i dont think any of this is making sense...but hey its late... bleh! :D

    Good luck, hope all works out :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How did he describe you? what was it that made you insecure?

    *hugs - I know what its like to be insecure :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^^ yes yes, what were the things? did you find them bad or degrading or whatever? i don't want to be the pessismest here, but when your other is gone for a while it is hard. i had a dude who was always gone. and the thoughts i thought were the same as you said. doubts, being scared, wondering what they were doing and if they were being faithful. but in the end, if he comes back to you the same, its only going to make things stronger. its not odd to have feelings like that, just if your feelings for eachother are stong enough, things will end up just fine.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he said that he hadnt described me as a 'sexy' looking person, just pretty. i dont know how he thought saying that was gonna make me jump up and down with joy, i mean, i've never been confident and i'm glad he thinks me pretty but now i feel kind of plain and ordinary almost like it the reason we havent slept together really is coz i'm unattractive to him in that sense, not because i was coming to terms with something else. does that make sense?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah it does make sence. but he may have thought that calling you sexi would offend you. you probably come across as shy to him because of not having sex with him yet (thats not a bad thing and sorry if it sounds offensive) so he may just think you wouldnt be comfortable with him going and telling all his new mates that youre sexi....also just because he told u he didnt say that, doesnt me he didnt!
    or!! maybe hes shy to tell u he thinks your sexi...you've only been together 2 months havent u?!

    just some thought, hope i helped! :wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It doesn't automatically mean he doesn't like you if he didn't describe you as sexy... maybe he thought you'd be offended by that description or maybe he just doesn't want his new mates sniffing round you? ;)
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