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Is this a lesson everyone learns?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
As we grow up, we have to learn certain harsh truths about the real world. For example, I've learnt that the streets aren't a safe place to play... then I've learnt that one day I will have to get off my butt and start earning a living... then I've learnt that I have to move out on my own and mummy won't be there to do my washing and cook me food.

Now I think I've just got to one of the harshest truths of all. The others were easy to get my head around. I've learnt that I shouldn't bother trying to be the "nice guy" I want to be, because that leads to being used, and I shouldn't ever fall in love, because that leads to being heart broken.

The solution is to be a selfish bastard and don't fall in love with anyone but yourself? Am I right?

I beleive that this is just a lesson which everyone has to learn after being truely heart broken for the first time. After applying these new found rules, I have pulled girls liked crazy, but not cared for any of them. I'm still thinking about my first love.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, that ain't right.
    That's just the hurt talking. When you're over your first love, you'll fall in love again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Is this a lesson everyone learns?
    Originally posted by bob84
    I've learnt that I shouldn't bother trying to be the "nice guy" I want to be, because that leads to being used, and I shouldn't ever fall in love, because that leads to being heart broken.
    You're wrong. There are plenty of nice guys out there who are in perfectly happy relationships.

    Everyone suffers heartbreak at one time or another. It makes you stronger and although it hurts like hell at the time it teaches you how not to go about your next relationship.

    Each realtionship needs to be judged on its own merits during the realtionship. You cannoy analyse it before it begins and come to the conclusion that it won't work and you'll just end up heartbroken.

    You need to take risks in life, or it will become very boring.

    As Zombie said, you're hurt right now, with time that will fade and you'll be ready for the next one!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BumbleBee


    it teaches you how not to go about your next relationship.


    Exactly, it's taught me not to be so nice, and not to fall in love so quickly. It's taught me not to trust so easily, before it never even occured to me that somebody I admired could use me. I guess I was a bit naive.

    It's not like this was my first ever relationship, but it is the first time where I have been wronged and used for no good reason. That's what makes it especially hard this time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well is that is what it has taught you then you don't deserve a happier relationship m'dear.

    Don't be bitter, look to the future!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bob mate, I agree with you on just about everything you have said. I've been fucked about by my ex and I don't need that kind of shit at my age and so will not get into a serious relationship for a very long time. I don't need to be used, abused and fucked about, I have enough shit to deal with without having to deal with the shit lasses throw at you. I split up with my ex over a year ago and even after all the shit she gave me I still think about her. I've got a new bird now but I've laid down the law this time and she knows she ain't getting nowt serious. I told her for months when we were just friends I didn't want a GF but she kept chasing and so I ended up giving in to her. Been going with her now for easy 8 months and I've made sure it hasn't got serious. Only problem though is I know shes falling in love and I know I'm not cos I've made sure I haven't got too attached cos I'm not gonna let a lass fuck with my head ever again.

    *rant over*:mad:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As Shakespeare once said "its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" "once bitten twice shy" the only way to go through life is to do everything full heartedlly and have no regrets about doing it- even if that involves getting hurt.

    The more you put in the more you'll get back!
    The important thing is that you learn from your mistakes-if they dont kill ya they'll make ya stronger!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no one wants a selfish b****** or egotist!! They do want a lovely nice person who will treat them well and be adventurous.:D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by jacaranda
    no one wants a selfish b****** or egotist!! They do want a lovely nice person who will treat them well and be adventurous.:D

    I agree with this also. But it seems like Bob has been the lovely nice person and he's been shit on, so he's obviously gonna be feeling that theres no point been nice.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by jacaranda
    no one wants a selfish b****** or egotist!! They do want a lovely nice person who will treat them well and be adventurous.:D

    Oh dear, someone's deluding themselves. With all respect, girls want someone who spends loads of money on them but treats them like shit. Then they get the best of both worlds: they never have to pay for anything, and they get to moan for hours on end about how badly they're treated.

    There is a solution - find someone nicer. It's not that hard. But, you see, then girls will have no excuse to moan, and that's worse than being someone's doormat. Hence bastards are popular.

    Nice guys finish last??? They don't even get to the start.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    all you guys act like it ain't possible to do both.

    girls arn't gonna change who they like, they stuck in that rut forever, lol
    so... be both, be a nice guy basturd. It is actually possible.
    TRUST!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Is this a lesson everyone learns?
    Originally posted by bob84

    I beleive that this is just a lesson which everyone has to learn after being truely heart broken for the first time. After applying these new found rules, I have pulled girls liked crazy, but not cared for any of them. I'm still thinking about my first love.

    So you got smitten with your first gf or whatever and it went tits up, now you are a little bitter and wont trust girls...

    I’m sure with these new tactics you have acquired, you bang a lot of pussy, but obviously you aren’t happy. You should be truthful to yourself. Otherwise you will go through life with a very bad attitude

    If you’re just in it for the fun, then keep with your mentality, it will work...... but you may gain a reputation as being a wanker (bonus eh!)

    But you will have to change your way of thinking someday tho, girls may have very little logic in their view of men and love. But most women will see through the bad boy wanker image and won’t put up with it.

    So unless you plan to chase little girls around all your life (Could be fun, granted:D ) You Should consider growing up now, you’ll have to sooner or later.:p

    Take it for what it was, a bad experience...... which you have now learnt from, Next time you know to give a little bit of "nice guy" and treat em mean routine

    Best of both worlds!;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by molo
    all you guys act like it ain't possible to do both.

    girls arn't gonna change who they like, they stuck in that rut forever, lol
    so... be both, be a nice guy basturd. It is actually possible.
    TRUST!

    A nice gut bastard ey?
    Is that like were you buy her chocs and eat them all first?
    Or say things like I love you! Just lose a little weight! :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Girls love being treated like shit now and then as it makes the good treatment feel 100 times better.

    Just like they love being fucked like a whore and then have their hair stroked and neck nibbled afterwards.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't change.

    Not all girl's are bitches. There are good ones and bad ones, just as there are in guys. We won't all treat you the way you have been, you just have to look around. Sounds to me like you've fallen into the same trap as most girls do of falling for the bastard.

    Just take a step back. Yes it is harder when you're young to be a nice guy, you don't get as much attention as the bastards, but your time will come as their's dies away. Just rememeber that. As girl's grow up we start looking for the guys that will look after us, care for us and treat us right, not the flash twats who show a girl a good time and then drop her.

    Sir Cum is right in a lot of ways, we do like to be treated slightly badly from time to time,m or at least not constantly spoilt, because then it just becomes the ordinary, you've got to keep the spoiling feeling special....there's a fine line to walk though. Are you a good tight rope walker?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd be pissed off if I was a girl and I had a boyfriend offering to do everything, phoning me all the time, kissing up to me, constantly apologising for nothing. Plus the nicer the guy the more jealous he is likely to get when one of the "barstards" starts chatting up his girlfriend.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Sir Cum
    I'd be pissed off if I was a girl and I had a boyfriend offering to do everything, phoning me all the time, kissing up to me, constantly apologising for nothing. Plus the nicer the guy the more jealous he is likely to get when one of the "barstards" starts chatting up his girlfriend.

    Not at all.

    A guy who offers to do everything, as long as not to pushy is sweet and caring and loving. If he phones regularly it's just cos he cares, as long as he doesn't mind me cutting a phone call short I'm not bothered by that. Kissing up to me...as long as not too too much (I need a guy who will stick up for himself against me) is always nice.

    Constantly appologising is one of my pet hates and I will get stresssed at it.

    I wouldn't say they are all more jealous. Sometimes the bastards are completely jealous and worse in the way they are then the nice guys.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks guys n girls

    Well, some people opinions I agreed with and some I didn't, as will happen with any bunch of peoples answers, but the point is, thanks for your input everyone, it gives me a chance to be more open minded. I think I can explain what has happened a bit better now.

    I'm not THAT young, I'm 19, at uni, I've had a few girlfriends before, but this one was really special.

    I haven't turned into a complete bastard, I HATE a bad boy image it's silly, I've just been doing lots of meaningless snogging. That feels bad to me, before I'd only kiss a girl if I liked her. I'm not chasing around little girls either, for example I pulled a stunning 27 year old Italian woman on 3 different nights, which I would never have thought about doing in my wildest dreams before. The thing is tho, I feel like a bastard cos I'm really ungrateful, she's really sweet and I might hurt her. :(

    I might sound really moany (considering I'm doing well on the pulling front, before it'd take me months to get one girl interested in me, my mates are really jealous), but I'm not the type of guy who wants to snog lots of women. I want one special girl and then I'll be happy. I thought I'd found that special girl, she saw how I was on a plate for her, she used me and then threw me away after she'd had her fun.

    I feel like it's a case of pass the buck. One person gets hurt, so they take it out on another by using them for an ego boost. Then this person gets hurt and takes it out on someone else. And so on.

    I beleive the girl I fell in love with has been hurt in the past, she did go on about some bad ex or something. She has low self esteem and it really boosted her ego to have some guy (me) chasing her around. Now her self esteem is high enough, she's gone out and tried to upgrade her guy (well to complicate things, she actually hasn't gone out, she's gone in her room, and found a guy on the internet 100s of miles away who came and visited her, which I think is absurd when I'm 5 minutes away).

    Now I'm the one left with low self esteem. Pass the buck like I said. She stole my self esteem. I can see that I'm going around using other girls until I get over her. That's why I feel like a complete bastard... what I'm doing to other people is probably the same thing that I'm moaning about being done to me.

    But there is hope for me... complete bastards don't realise what complete bastards they are, or they enjoy it. At least I realise what I've been acting like isn't so nice, and I'm not enjoying it. Soon I'll have to become a nice guy again, cos it'll make me happy again :)

    Oh, BTW my real name isn't bob... I'd just rather remain anonymous cos I realise how much this girl must uses the net, she might even come across this post!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: thanks guys n girls
    Originally posted by bob84
    Well, some people opinions I agreed with and some I didn't, as will happen with any bunch of peoples answers, but the point is, thanks for your input everyone, it gives me a chance to be more open minded. I think I can explain what has happened a bit better now.

    I'm not THAT young, I'm 19, at uni, I've had a few girlfriends before, but this one was really special.

    I haven't turned into a complete bastard, I HATE a bad boy image it's silly, I've just been doing lots of meaningless snogging. That feels bad to me, before I'd only kiss a girl if I liked her. I'm not chasing around little girls either, for example I pulled a stunning 27 year old Italian woman on 3 different nights, which I would never have thought about doing in my wildest dreams before. The thing is tho, I feel like a bastard cos I'm really ungrateful, she's really sweet and I might hurt her. :(

    I might sound really moany (considering I'm doing well on the pulling front, before it'd take me months to get one girl interested in me, my mates are really jealous), but I'm not the type of guy who wants to snog lots of women. I want one special girl and then I'll be happy. I thought I'd found that special girl, she saw how I was on a plate for her, she used me and then threw me away after she'd had her fun.

    I feel like it's a case of pass the buck. One person gets hurt, so they take it out on another by using them for an ego boost. Then this person gets hurt and takes it out on someone else. And so on.

    I beleive the girl I fell in love with has been hurt in the past, she did go on about some bad ex or something. She has low self esteem and it really boosted her ego to have some guy (me) chasing her around. Now her self esteem is high enough, she's gone out and tried to upgrade her guy (well to complicate things, she actually hasn't gone out, she's gone in her room, and found a guy on the internet 100s of miles away who came and visited her, which I think is absurd when I'm 5 minutes away).

    Now I'm the one left with low self esteem. Pass the buck like I said. She stole my self esteem. I can see that I'm going around using other girls until I get over her. That's why I feel like a complete bastard... what I'm doing to other people is probably the same thing that I'm moaning about being done to me.

    But there is hope for me... complete bastards don't realise what complete bastards they are, or they enjoy it. At least I realise what I've been acting like isn't so nice, and I'm not enjoying it. Soon I'll have to become a nice guy again, cos it'll make me happy again :)

    Oh, BTW my real name isn't bob... I'd just rather remain anonymous cos I realise how much this girl must uses the net, she might even come across this post!

    Good posts bob, I think you've summed up how a lot of guys our age (I'm 19 as well) feel, and it sucks. I'll look forward to the days when women are mature and intellegent enough to realise whats good for them, but I'm not holding my breath.

    Until then I'll go with the flow and give them what they want ;):(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hear ya fella!

    I don't think i was a bastard but i did treat some girls quite distantly and i was a bit naughty and i never had a problem with girls. I tried the nice guy routine for a girl who i actually liked and it all went tits up and i got screwed. It didn't break my heart, i wasn't in love and we hadn't been seeing eachother that long but its still pissed me off. Relationships aren't worth the hassle, nice and casual is the way forward
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah unfortunatly too many girls do stuff like that too often. Might as well keep trying because otherwise they win. Just don't take no crap!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Matthew82
    With all respect, girls want someone who spends loads of money on them but treats them like shit. Then they get the best of both worlds: they never have to pay for anything, and they get to moan for hours on end about how badly they're treated.

    There is a solution - find someone nicer. It's not that hard. But, you see, then girls will have no excuse to moan, and that's worse than being someone's doormat. Hence bastards are popular.

    I can't even begin to express how fucking angry this made me. This attitude trivializes a huge social problem and demeans battered women the world over. No woman likes to be someone's doormat or punching bag.

    Having grown up with parents in an abusive relationship, your attitude sickens me. Getting out of those kinds of relationships is much more difficult than you make it out to be on so many levels. And it doesn't indicate that women don't like nice guys.. argh. I don't know why I'm even bothering to try and explain this to you.

    From what you've posted I can only say: What the hell are you complaining about? You seem to be a bastard and therefore that would make you "popular".
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Scarlett


    I can't even begin to express how fucking angry this made me. This attitude trivializes a huge social problem and demeans battered women the world over. No woman likes to be someone's doormat or punching bag.

    Having grown up with parents in an abusive relationship, your attitude sickens me. Getting out of those kinds of relationships is much more difficult than you make it out to be on so many levels. And it doesn't indicate that women don't like nice guys.. argh. I don't know why I'm even bothering to try and explain this to you.

    From what you've posted I can only say: What the hell are you complaining about? You seem to be a bastard and therefore that would make you "popular".

    To be fair to him, I doubt he is a bastard. Most men aren't, but a forced to be, hence this thread.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by carlito
    To be fair to him, I doubt he is a bastard. Most men aren't, but a forced to be, hence this thread.

    And who is it who is "forcing" men to be bastards? It certainly isn't me, I can tell you that much.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Scarlett


    And who is it who is "forcing" men to be bastards? It certainly isn't me, I can tell you that much.

    Girls treating nice guys like shit while fucking bastards.

    I'm sure there are exceptions, yeah, but not enough to make dating not a complete misery as a nice guy. So I guess its tough for the women who genuinely like nice guys as well as the nice guys themselves. Either way its not men in general's fault.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by carlito


    Girls treating nice guys like shit while fucking bastards.

    I'm sure there are exceptions, yeah, but not enough to make dating not a complete misery as a nice guy. So I guess its tough for the women who genuinely like nice guys as well as the nice guys themselves. Either way its not men in general's fault.

    WTF....in my experience it is the other way round. Guys have done nothing but mess me around throughout the time I've been dating. Or at least those around my own age have. But it does rub off, it has turned me into a bitch and yes I've treated some nice guys like shit recently to protect myself. It isn't what I've wanted and I feel bad about it.

    But the thread in sex not long ago about older guys, is so true, older guys treat girls with far more respect than any younger guy I've known has. they've grown out of this being a bastard attitude in the majority.

    So those of you who are nice at young ages don't change. Just remember a lot of girls are only that way cos of how another blokes een with them. You can make a difference in that girls life and so do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kazbo
    So those of you who are nice at young ages don't change. Just remember a lot of girls are only that way cos of how another blokes een with them. You can make a difference in that girls life and so do.

    So you seem to be under the impression that girls only wind up being bitches to guys is if a bloke was out of order to her in the past? Bollocks! Some people are just like that, guys and girls and some guys get turned bad by girls. Both sexes are as bad as eachother.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Sir Cum

    Just like they love being fucked like a whore and then have their hair stroked and neck nibbled afterwards.

    but on a lighter note that is one of the funniest things i've read on this board.

    and as for girls treatin guys bad, jus wait till i can be bothered to put a new thread up about what happened to me. purely mugged myself, lol. but i got plans :naughty:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Jon_UK


    So you seem to be under the impression that girls only wind up being bitches to guys is if a bloke was out of order to her in the past? Bollocks! Some people are just like that, guys and girls and some guys get turned bad by girls. Both sexes are as bad as eachother.

    No not all. I wouldn't generalise that much. There are nasty people in both sexes. All I was trying to point out was Carlito's generalisations and his making blokes out to be lilly white. Thanks for making my point for me Jon. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :)

    Any guys can be wankers but it takes a special guy to treat a girl ike a princess. U deserve more. Are you happy??? u just need to be careful u will find someone who will love u more than anything in the world finding someone special takes time :) chin up nice guys dont always finish last ive got a nice guy and i wouldnt change him for a selfish wanker for anything
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