....and finally

One last parting shot before I go!

To be sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody:

INDIAN CURRY RHAPSODY

[Tinkling piano intro]

Naan, just killed a man
poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle now he's dead.
Naan, dinner's just begun
But now I'm gonna throw it all away.

Naan, ooh, ooh Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back from the loo by this time tomorrow
Curry on, curry on
Cause nothing really Madras.

Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers down my spine
Ars*hole's aching all the time
Goodbye onion bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo.

Naan, ooh, ooh
This dupiazza is so mild
I sometimes wish we'd never come here at all.

[guitar solo]
[operatic fast bit]

I see a little chicken tikka on the side
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh, pass the chutney made of mango!
Vindaloo does nicely Very very spicy
Meat!
Byriani! (Byriani!)
Byriani! (Byriani!)
Byriani and a naan!
(A vindaloo loo loo loooo!)
I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to the lavatory
Stand you well back
'Case the loo is quarantined...
Here it comes
There it goes
Technicolor yawn
I chunder
No!
It's coming up again
(There he goes)
I chunder, it's coming back again
(There he goes)
Coming back again
(up again)
Here it comes again.
(No no no no no no NO)
On my knees, I'm on my knees
On his knees, Oh, there he goes
This vindaloo
Is about to wreck my guts
Poor meee.. poor meeee...poor MEEEEEE!

[headbanging guitar solo]

So you think you can chunder and then feel alright?
So you try to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Oh maybe, but now you'll puke like a baby
Just had to come out
It just had to come right out in here.

[guitar solo]

[slow bit]

Korma or dupizza
bhaji, naan or saag
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference
To meee....
(Any way the wind blows....shshshsh)