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Destructive

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
A couple of years ago I was in a relationship that lasted for almost a year. We broke up because we always seemed to be arguing, which was my fault. It was always over little things (as I recall) so they really shouldn't have been as problematic as they were. It was a mutual agreement to split, but not amicable. It took us a long time to become friends again.

So now the problem: I've been with my current boyfriend for 11 months (today) and we just had an argument over absolutely nothing. I'm worried that I'm going to end up destroying this relationship like I did the last.

Any advice? It would be gratefully received.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The most important thing here is to remember that this is a DIFFERENT relationship. No two relationships are the same, so just because you think you might see a sign of similarity, it doesn't mean this relationship's going down the drain.

    As long as you don't start to regularly bicker with your current boyfriend, don't worry - absolutely everyone argues with their boyfriend/girlfriend occasionally.

    Cheer up :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Listen to perfect***day - cheer up :)

    I know how you feel about thinking youre going to destroy the relationship though. I can totally empathise with you when you say that the arguments were all over little things, and it was your fault, because I was the same. My boyfriend and I used to agrue quite a bit over small things too.

    Usually it would be me picking out faults in his character, or taking something he said the wrong way, or just feeling irritable, and because he happened to be there, it's like I would look for something wrong and pounce on it.

    What I had to learn was that I couldnt expect him to be perfect (as I am far from it!) and moreover, I had no right to make such a big deal out of things. Also, we talk things out more calmly now, and I no longer get so worked up because I've stopped trying to "win" an argument I've started. Plus when I've had a bad day instead of taking it out on im I look to him for comfort.

    I know it's a bit rambly, but that's my experience.

    Good luck hun :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not that I'm seeing the similarities in the relationships, although they are there, it's that I'm seeing the similarities in myself; my thoughts, feelings and behavior in both situations.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So tell us more about your feelings... Is it a problem with him as Samuti said? or is it you feeling irritable? um i'm not really sure what i'm getting at but maybe if you give us more detail we can help try to put your mind at rest :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Umm.... more detail. I don't do well in long-term relationships. In both I had a break so I could go off with another woman. Which I do feel bad about but it was driving me insane thinking about them and not being able to have them. Which I guess makes me greedy and selfish. But I was honest with my boyfriends about it all.

    I manipulate various guys at my school (which my boyfriend doesn't go to) as I like the attention.

    I think the main point is I get frustrated very easily if I feel things are not moving in my relationship. I need variety. I've tried talking to my boyfriend about it but he doesn't get it. I guess arguments are at least something.

    I'm not really sure what else you want to know, or if any of that made any sense.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by 1st_angel
    I think the main point is I get frustrated very easily if I feel things are not moving in my relationship. I need variety.

    In what way? What would be your idea of a "perfect" relationship?

    As for the things that happened when you took a break in both relationship - dont let yourself think that the final outcome will be the same just becuase some of the events are.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks guys. I was in a really foul mood last might so things looked worse than they were. I shall keep in mind all your advice. Hopefuly I shan't need to add to this thread again: we shall see.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Stop nagging?

    And Remind yourself that you aren’t the centre of the universe, and blokes don’t have to been there for you.

    And just because your bf doesn’t give you attention 24-7 doesn’t mean he gone off you. He’s just having to deal with his own life and got his own problems!

    Keep them facts in mind and you might become nicer to your bf.
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