If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Is it wrong to have sex knowing nothing will come from it?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, I guess i need some peoples help and opinions with a situation I'm in at the minute and this site seems like a good place to seek advice.
I'm a student now in my second year of my degree but at the end of first year I went home for the whole summer and worked full time in a local pub to save up some money. I met a guy who was also working there over the summer and we became good friends, well like best friends, he's the same age as me and we really hit it off.
Between July and October our relationship went from friendship to something a bit more, at first we were just mates, he had a girlfriend and niether of us ever expected anything to come of our working relationship, we just got along, then he split with his girlfriend (it had nothing to do with anyone else theyd just grown apart) and as we already spent a fair bit of time together as friends he turned to me a bit more. Nothing happened between us as by the time we realised there might be somethign between us holidays were nearly over we are at unis at different parts of the country, we agreed to stay friends but realised a proper relationship wouldn't work. We thought that when we got back to uni we'd drift apart to be fair, but we didn't, we got closer.
We both were home again for xmas and having over a month together (again both working in the pub) we were like a couple, and i lost my virginity to him, which was what i really wanted, i know hes a great guy.
At the end of the holidays we had to face up to the fact that we were being seperated again, we had grown so used to seeing each other everyday for 5 weeks at work and going out in town together it was really hard, but we decided to be just friends, and remember what we'd had in a good way but not to try and make it work because it would only be spoilt.
The problem now is when we've been out and phone each other the "flirting" (to put it politely) has carried on like before and during xmas, and he's asked me to go stay with him at his uni for a weekend of "fun". The idea really appeals to me but he has made it clear that it will be just a sex thing....this sounds bad, whats hes worried about is that i'll try and latch onto us giving the long distance thing a go, which as we've discussed really isn't practical, there are nearly 350 miles seperating us during term, and i guess im worried about what he wants from this trip.
How do you know that a guy wants to have sex with *you* rather then just sex? I know he is a really nice guy and that he cares about me, it hurt us both the realisation that we cant be together and im still glad we slept together, but im worried that if i do go stay with him for what is basically a weekend of no strings sex he'll think of me as her he can call on when hes got no one else around. I'm worried that maybe thats how he sees me a bit now, i know he likes me but is this idea a bad one? Ive only ever slept with him and i just think that maybe ive not got enough experience to be having quite meaningless sex. I'm not totally against the idea of having one night stands or sex for fun but kind of see that as something you do once youve had the proper relationship sex first.
My friends haven't met him and are kind of of the opinion that i should cut ties, as its obvious i still like him, i'm the kind of girl who needs to be liked, i waited until i was 20 years old to have sex because i never felt sure about my past boyfriends, but it felt right with him, i dont want to lose not only a good friend but fall out with the first guy i ever slept with as hes significant to me.
I just know that he doesn't need the same kind of thing from me, men are different i guess, they seem to find it easier to have sex without feelings, i just dont know if id regret having sex with him again incase it spoilt the memories i have of the 5 weeks of fun we had together at xmas and the summer of friendship. I only got back to uni a week and a half ago and it seems a bit soon....?
At the same time however, i know id really enjoy seeing him again, i haven't met any guys here at uni that id consider sleeping with and to be honest i would like to sleep with him again...im just a little confused, part of me thinks that i might not ever get to sleep with him agin and that id regret missing this opportunity....
Ah, its a bit of a head fuck really. Would i be stupid to go stay with him knowing that afterwards we's only be friends again? Will i be hurt and try and convince myself something more might happen? Does it sound like im being used...or something like that? I don't really understand how guys minds work...is he just after a weekend of easy sex?
I'm a student now in my second year of my degree but at the end of first year I went home for the whole summer and worked full time in a local pub to save up some money. I met a guy who was also working there over the summer and we became good friends, well like best friends, he's the same age as me and we really hit it off.
Between July and October our relationship went from friendship to something a bit more, at first we were just mates, he had a girlfriend and niether of us ever expected anything to come of our working relationship, we just got along, then he split with his girlfriend (it had nothing to do with anyone else theyd just grown apart) and as we already spent a fair bit of time together as friends he turned to me a bit more. Nothing happened between us as by the time we realised there might be somethign between us holidays were nearly over we are at unis at different parts of the country, we agreed to stay friends but realised a proper relationship wouldn't work. We thought that when we got back to uni we'd drift apart to be fair, but we didn't, we got closer.
We both were home again for xmas and having over a month together (again both working in the pub) we were like a couple, and i lost my virginity to him, which was what i really wanted, i know hes a great guy.
At the end of the holidays we had to face up to the fact that we were being seperated again, we had grown so used to seeing each other everyday for 5 weeks at work and going out in town together it was really hard, but we decided to be just friends, and remember what we'd had in a good way but not to try and make it work because it would only be spoilt.
The problem now is when we've been out and phone each other the "flirting" (to put it politely) has carried on like before and during xmas, and he's asked me to go stay with him at his uni for a weekend of "fun". The idea really appeals to me but he has made it clear that it will be just a sex thing....this sounds bad, whats hes worried about is that i'll try and latch onto us giving the long distance thing a go, which as we've discussed really isn't practical, there are nearly 350 miles seperating us during term, and i guess im worried about what he wants from this trip.
How do you know that a guy wants to have sex with *you* rather then just sex? I know he is a really nice guy and that he cares about me, it hurt us both the realisation that we cant be together and im still glad we slept together, but im worried that if i do go stay with him for what is basically a weekend of no strings sex he'll think of me as her he can call on when hes got no one else around. I'm worried that maybe thats how he sees me a bit now, i know he likes me but is this idea a bad one? Ive only ever slept with him and i just think that maybe ive not got enough experience to be having quite meaningless sex. I'm not totally against the idea of having one night stands or sex for fun but kind of see that as something you do once youve had the proper relationship sex first.
My friends haven't met him and are kind of of the opinion that i should cut ties, as its obvious i still like him, i'm the kind of girl who needs to be liked, i waited until i was 20 years old to have sex because i never felt sure about my past boyfriends, but it felt right with him, i dont want to lose not only a good friend but fall out with the first guy i ever slept with as hes significant to me.
I just know that he doesn't need the same kind of thing from me, men are different i guess, they seem to find it easier to have sex without feelings, i just dont know if id regret having sex with him again incase it spoilt the memories i have of the 5 weeks of fun we had together at xmas and the summer of friendship. I only got back to uni a week and a half ago and it seems a bit soon....?
At the same time however, i know id really enjoy seeing him again, i haven't met any guys here at uni that id consider sleeping with and to be honest i would like to sleep with him again...im just a little confused, part of me thinks that i might not ever get to sleep with him agin and that id regret missing this opportunity....
Ah, its a bit of a head fuck really. Would i be stupid to go stay with him knowing that afterwards we's only be friends again? Will i be hurt and try and convince myself something more might happen? Does it sound like im being used...or something like that? I don't really understand how guys minds work...is he just after a weekend of easy sex?
0
Comments
Mr_Wobble
I think its because i have dilemmas over whats more important to me - being really fancied by someone, having them lust over me and wanting me for sex, or having them love me as a person...
...i know ideally you should have both but i just tend to see it as an "either or" thing...like if they love me for my personality is that making up for them not fancing me much? So being fuck buddies would kinda signal it was only a sex thing which would make me feel a bit weird about whether he had any feelings for me?
I guess i'd be just trying ti kid myself that the sex meant he loved me or something which it might not....
Lord, i appear to have some issues here!!!:eek:
Hmmm, sex & love. Never figured out all the various combinations of that.
Mr_Wobble
To be honest with you, to me it don't seem like he just wants to be fuck buddies. From what you've said i would guess that he really likes you and doesn't want to do the whole breaking ties thing. I don't understand why you can't have a relationship? Is it that you both don't want to do it or just him? Some of my mates at uni have birds that live a long way away, as long as you keep in contact and try and visit eachother every now and then why wouldn't it work? You've already said there's no one else at uni you like.
If you want to see him then i think you should talk to him about being in a relationship (unless you fancy a casual shag).....if he don't want it then cut contact.
good luck with it anyways
Godd luck:)
If I were you, I'd just go for it. Lifes too short to be wondering and puzzling over everything. We should just be havin' fun and doin' what we wanna do!!