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goodbye

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've done it before...and I might do it again, but the reality is, I'm going, so I just want to say goodbye to everyone and thanks for all being so kind and sweet and *trying* to help me. I'm sorry that it's happening this way, but least I won't fuck up anymore eh...

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    chaos honey, I'm a little worried that you're planning something silly.

    You know how to get in touch with me - TALK to me!

    Please - just think seriously, look after yourslef, live long and prosper (i'm not a star trek fan but somehow that seemed appropriate)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    fuck it

    fuck it, fuck this, fuck everything, fuck everyone, nobody fucking cares anyway. I know that nobody thinks I'm capable, I know that everyone thinks it'll all be fine soon. Maybe it will....but it won't last...I'm going, as soon as I can....I can't protect anyone when I'm here so I'm just gonna leave and hope that everyone is ok with that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmmm *Ponders what to say*

    Good bye, hope to see you around the boards again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: fuck it
    Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
    fuck it, fuck this, fuck everything, fuck everyone, nobody fucking cares anyway. I know that nobody thinks I'm capable, I know that everyone thinks it'll all be fine soon. Maybe it will....but it won't last...I'm going, as soon as I can....I can't protect anyone when I'm here so I'm just gonna leave and hope that everyone is ok with that.

    I've posted in your LJ.

    You're 15 years old and you're doing this? Have you thought that this might be hormonal what you're going through? This dark cloud could and probably will get better as you grow, if you just give it a chance.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmm...*also thinking what to say*

    Well, i've never gotten to know you, and never spoken to you on these boards at all i dont think!
    But good luck! and good bye, and hope to see you back soon :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Chaos i hope that your ok hon, i hope you changhe you mind about this and stick around because it would be a shame to see you leave, i hope your not thinking of doing anything stupid if you need to talk to anyone i'm willing to listen just pm me :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: fuck it
    Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
    fuck it, fuck this, fuck everything, fuck everyone, nobody fucking cares anyway. I know that nobody thinks I'm capable, I know that everyone thinks it'll all be fine soon. Maybe it will....but it won't last...I'm going, as soon as I can....I can't protect anyone when I'm here so I'm just gonna leave and hope that everyone is ok with that.

    then fucking prove them wrong.

    ive spoken to you quite a lot on msn and such, its a fucking stupid thing to be even contemplating doing at your\my age. Seriously, i can understand why you want to do this, ive been through some depression myself, but please TRUST ME you WILL get through it. And thats from someone the same age as you. Most people our age go through depression. It just depends how emotional you are to how it affects you. Beat it, it will soon pass. I know theres a few people on here who were bullied in high school, and look at them now. I think all of them are leading great lives. Dont let kids get to you, i know theyre cruel.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well I'm still here, and still deciding if that's a good or bad thing. I said the meanest thing ever to hunnypot and I'm so sorry for that. I'm such a sick twisted fucked up mental fuck case in the end. Anyway yet again I manage to screw up and basically lie, which is what I've done, because I'm not dead, and this isn't the first time I've done it either. I'm so guilty. If I wasn't speaking to a man I love very much from holland I wouldn't be here, I'd be dying. and that man I love to bits, because he makes me happy in life, and there ain't nothing better than happiness. Still I worry about what you lot think of me, you must think I'm pretty fucked. I can be rude, I can be unfair, I can be hypocritical, I can be anything BUT nice, and I can do anything, but I can only do it wrong. And I'm sorry. And I'm dirty. And I'm guilty.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no youre not. most of us on here think youre great, and were forever encouraging you not to kill yourself. just think about it. if you die, thats it. Nothing will happen again. You wont feel happiness again. Your family and friends will just have memories and sadness of your death. You will never amount to anything. You wont experience all the things you like doing again. Youll never have a friend again.

    unless you believe in a heaven...

    sorry for the morbidness of that, just thought you should realize what you were doing...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
    well I'm still here, and still deciding if that's a good or bad thing. I said the meanest thing ever to hunnypot and I'm so sorry for that. I'm such a sick twisted fucked up mental fuck case in the end. Anyway yet again I manage to screw up and basically lie, which is what I've done, because I'm not dead, and this isn't the first time I've done it either. I'm so guilty. If I wasn't speaking to a man I love very much from holland I wouldn't be here, I'd be dying. and that man I love to bits, because he makes me happy in life, and there ain't nothing better than happiness. Still I worry about what you lot think of me, you must think I'm pretty fucked. I can be rude, I can be unfair, I can be hypocritical, I can be anything BUT nice, and I can do anything, but I can only do it wrong. And I'm sorry. And I'm dirty. And I'm guilty.

    everyone can be rude, unfair, hypocritical, its human to have flaws and i think we all know to take the good with the bad in people

    why are u guilty? what is it thats so wrong you feel like this? at least u got love in your life, its more than some of us
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Chaos I forgive you and I completely understand. I'm fighting off depression myself at the moment. Listen to what duffy is saying, he sounds like he knows what he's talking about. And your right duffy, I got bullied mercilessly all through school, I was so miserable and I felt like I was at a dead end, but when you get out, it's wonderful. I'm free now. Although I still get depression, I don't get bullied. I've got stronger because of the bullying and I've got a good, sharp attitude for any bullies I come across at the special needs school I'm working at. I'm virtually an adult now.

    For depression, amitryptiline (sp) is quite helpful for me. Don't know what it'd be like for you. But just go see the doctor and see what he can recommend. Lay it on thick that you can't go on like this.

    Anyway! I'm adding you to LJ. Remember you're not the only one who gets depressed, who's been through some stuff.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by HunnyPot
    Chaos I forgive you and I completely understand. I'm fighting off depression myself at the moment. Listen to what duffy is saying, she sounds like she knows what she's talking about. And your right duffy, I got bullied mercilessly all through school, I was so miserable and I felt like I was at a dead end, but when you get out, it's wonderful. I'm free now. Although I still get depression, I don't get bullied. I've got stronger because of the bullying and I've got a good, sharp attitude for any bullies I come across at the special needs school I'm working at. I'm virtually an adult now.
    Listen to what duffy is saying, she sounds like she knows what she's talking about

    NOOOO!!!!!!! IM A LAD!!!!
    lmao :lol::D
    i get how my name feels now lol

    and chaos, what did i tell you? ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by duffy_2k


    NOOOO!!!!!!! IM A LAD!!!!
    lmao :lol::D
    i get how my name feels now lol

    Sorry!!! Anyway I've edited my post!! Make SOME indication of your genders people!!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i knew duffy was a he:) and i think my gender is shown:P
    xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    chaos i've never even really spoken to you on here, but i just want to say that i beg of you not to do anything stupid.
    My best friend took a drug overdose on wednesday night, thankfully her mum found her before any damage was done, but thats not the point. i cried my eyes out when she told me. and so did everyone else when they heard. if she had died it would have been the easy way out and the rest of us would have been left to deal with it.
    if you were to die, there is nothing. u may feel like at the minute there is nothing to live for, but things will get better. i dont know how many times i wanted to end it all when i was younger but i didnt do it, cos 1, i never had the guts and 2, i wondered if things would get better and thought well why not give it a few years?
    someone taking their own life is a very selfish thing to do, and also i believe that no one has any right to take their own life, its the same as murdering another person, u have no right to do it.
    and as Duffy said, there will be nothing when u die. just darkness, which is quite a morbid thought. have faith in yourself, things will get better.
    i dont want to sound patronising, but arent u 15, or 16? i know that age doesnt make a difference to peoples problems but things can seem so much worse at that age cos hormones are all over the place.

    as for me, i will be praying for you. dunno if you will appreciate that or not.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hope you are ok, i've tried to help you before & will again. Just try and hang in there, we are all here to listen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Life is a gift. We don't always like all gifts, but its rude to throw them away. If everything was good all the time, then we wouldnt appreciate it, look forward to the good things,savour them and use them to get you through the bad stuff.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Chaos - You've built up a lot of respect, friendship, and support from the members of TheSite, and by the sounds of it you're going through a tough time at the mo and everyone here wants to help in any way possible.

    Life can be shit at times, but it can also be extremely good at other times. You need to be strong and see through the shit bits and know that it will get 100% better.

    Yesterday was history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift - that's why they call it the present.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Chaos, i dont want to sound patronising but everything seems soooo much worse when youre 15/16 even 17. Its just hormone city, like having permanent PMT. Honestly it wont be long and your hormones will settle down and everything will seem so much more bearable. You have a lot to live for. I know thats not much consolation in the short term, but try and hang on in there, and youll be fine.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you are feeling down and depressed, or desperate, we have an article that may be useful. It has the number of the Samaritans helpline at the bottom of it - they are open 24 hours a day and will listen to whatever you're going through without judging you.

    http://www.thesite.org/info/health/depression/feeling_suicidal.html

    Or you could see your doctor. Depression is a very common and treatable illness, so don't be scared to ask for help and support.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by living_in_chaos
    Life is a gift. We don't always like all gifts, but its rude to throw them away. If everything was good all the time, then we wouldnt appreciate it, look forward to the good things,savour them and use them to get you through the bad stuff.

    exactly what i wanted to say
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Chaos just keep hanging in there :)

    Hope youre feeling slightly better tonight, it will get better but its going to be a long road to recovery. You arent going to be better over night.
    My advice is to go and get back to your G.P and get them to refer you to a councellor. You are all messed up at the moment and really need to sort your head out. Talking through your problems with a trained councellor will help:)
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