If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Gay Relationships.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi everyone, I'm new here - how are you all?
I was wondering about homosexual relationships, and whether or not they can go the distance? I think I read somewhere that most gay relationships die out before they even start - and very few gay men and women ever have relationships last more than three years.
What are your thoughts? Also, does anybody have any feelings on gay adoption?
And finally!
Do you think gay people, in general, lead a normal life? There seems to be so much discrimination in the world, that even getting a job must be tough.
I was wondering about homosexual relationships, and whether or not they can go the distance? I think I read somewhere that most gay relationships die out before they even start - and very few gay men and women ever have relationships last more than three years.
What are your thoughts? Also, does anybody have any feelings on gay adoption?
And finally!
Do you think gay people, in general, lead a normal life? There seems to be so much discrimination in the world, that even getting a job must be tough.
0
Comments
Personally, I think it'd be more difficult to keep a gay relationship going than a straight one. I'm generalising, but the average straight couple wouldn't have to put up with hardly any discrimination, but it's almost certain that the gay couple would. At some point, one of the couple might get sick of it. Especially if one of them was bisexual, or one of them was particularly camp or extravagant, because they'd possibly get a lot more discrimination. Added to the normal pressures of a relationship, then it's a bit more difficult to sustain a gay relationship.
However, if there is genuine love between the couple, then it's got a good chance of lasting, be it a gay or straight relationship. Also, if a gay relationship is to last, then both people should be reasonably comfortable with who they are. If not then insecurity creeps in, and in any relationship it can wreck things.
In general, I think gay people get a fair deal. Yes, there is still some discrimination, but no longer are all gay people camp as a row of tents, and they don't walk about with a sign on their heads saying "I'm gay". Neither are all camp people gay. I wouldn't think it'd affect someone's job prospects in any serious way. Unless they wanted to join the army or something.
Hope I helped
Do you think it's a good idea to bring in legal rights for Co-habitees, or does it encourage people in doomed (for want of a better word) relationships to get legally attached?
Personally, I think it's a good idea: at the moment there seems little incentive for gay couples to work at their relationships without anything holding them together. I'm not saying people should run along and sign their property etc over to the first person they meet.
Maybe having a legal recognition of their relationship will encourage others to see them as normal because, if even the law refuses to accept them then I think that encourages people to think negatively of gay people.
It struck me as being very unfair, the way society treats them. Imagine if another minority, such as a racial group, were told they weren't allowed to marry.
It's understandable that, say, church weddings are banned because it undermines religious ideals I guess - but a civil marriage or a Co-habitee contract is the least they can allow.
1) Gay relationships are more about the physical side- sex, and physical attraction. Yes, there may be emotion to it, but thats the foundation. This makes them susceptible to failure if the sex turns bad etc..
2) Its less "natural"- i.e. human evolution hasnt meant for same sex couples to happen
3) There are less gay people than straight- therfore the chances of finding the perfect person are less. And you might do- but there straight.
4) Gays are often more emotionally unstable than straights.
5) Discrimination against them.
One of my best friends worries constantly about being unloved. He's so scared of dying alone, without someone to take care of him. It's very sad really. His parents are very strict Muslims who would disown him if they knew the truth. He realises that if he can never possibly have a long term relationship with someone, I mean, how could you live with someone for the rest of your life without your parents finding out? It breaks my heart to see it, but he cannot bare the thought of losing his parents.
I think if we could legalise gay marriages it would solve alot of problems. It would atleast allow people to show that their relationships were stable and loving, and they were prepared to live together for the rest of their lives.
Yes, there is a lot of promiscuity in gay relationships, I don't think any of my gay friends will deny this. I think this is true of so many young men. There's a lot of difference in bringing home a same sex partner to your parents than a partner of a different sex, however tolerant your family may be. Just because people can't carry out relationships doesn't mean they don't have normal sexual urges.
I think there's a lot of discrimination, and there always will be. I think it's partly due to the fact that most people don't understand it, they're not exposed to it so it appears abnormal to them. Most people just need that exposure, and homosexuality will lose the fear and confusion that surrounds it.
Sorry if this message does not make sense, I'm a bit tired and I'm gonna go to bed now!
I'm not sure I agree here: almost all straight relationships are also based on physical attraction too - you don't see a personality when you see someone in a bar or club. It's their looks that make you go and talk to them or whatever.
I think they might just not work on it, because they feel there's no future in it without anything to help hold it together.
Also I think men generally have a higher sex drive, so when you put two together, then there's a lot of promiscuity.
But it's not necessarily a bad thing.
It's just all this unfairness bugs me and little seems to be being done.
No I do agree with you there; straight relationships are often based on physical attraction as well- and these are ususally the ones which dont end up working out in the long term, because you cant spend your life with someone just because you like what they look like! And I think a statistical breakdown would probably show that most marraiges/lifetime partnerships dont start by one chatting up the other in a Bar/Club- or if they do there were lots of trial and error similar relationships before. Most successful relationships begin as introductions through others/friendships/work colleagues/people who talk to each other often.
And yeah I agree with you, maybe something should be done to help gay couples go the distance, because it is harder for them.
The difficulty of that argument is you say- "what usually keeps married couples together"...which is usually the kids. And I don't think bringing adopted kids in is an appropriate way to attempt to make peoples personal relationships last.
But yeah definately gay marraiges/partnerships recognised by law would be a good thing. Also a controversial issue would be education; maybe you could take the controversy out by having adult education or somnething in gay relationships/sex.
YEP! you were right..You know NOTING about it!
Care to enlighten me then?
This isn't true ...how can you suggest that Gay people cannot form loving relationships with oneanother that aren't based purely on Sex!
YAWN! Relationships and sex arer not Just about procreation, they are about attraction, mutual interests/needs and companionship. Nature is not a static thing!
The chances of finding the 'Perfect person' are pretty slim in all relationships - being gay doesn't mean you are destined to have short term relationships any more than being straight
EH!!!! Emotionally unstable people are more unstable than emotionally secure people..has nothing to do with your sexuality
Don't blame the victim for other peoples stupid bigotry. Many Relationships suffer from many things but many survive.
Has that enlightened you?
That wasn't what I meant: i meant that with the unfairness of society, gay people are denied the right to have a family. I think they are just as valid to be parents.
Many say two men or two women cannot provide a child with the upbringing it needs - I don't believe this. I think two loving parents are all a child needs.
Many of these children are stuck in boarding homes, requiring proper families. I think gay adoption rights are the best way to give them the families they need. Two homosexual parents are better than no parents.
This seems to settle two problems in one.
The sooner people stop treating them like freaks, the better.
Oh I'm not saying that its always purely based on sex, I'm saying that in general or the avergae gay relationship is a lot more about sex than the average straight relationship. And yes of course gay people can be in love with each other! I know a guy who was SO in love with another guy (unrequited although both were gay), but never would have tried anything physical other than kissing if he had the chance.
But in general I think most people would agree that gay relationships are often based on sex.
No, nature is not a static thing, but our genetic code is pretty slow to change. Gay relationships only really became mainstream in human society (except for exceptions like the Anciet Greeks etc) in the last 50 years!
Humans aren't naturally disposed to have sexual/erotic relationships with the same sex, for obvious reasons, so that is obviously an obstacle which gays have to overcome. And of course they can't have children which keep many straight couples together.
Yeah it is hard to find the "perfect person" or someone who you would be able to spend your whole life with etc, but surely its harder when theres less choice/oppurtunity? That seems obvious. Even gays who are part of predominantly gay friendship groups are surrounded by straight culture/society.
Well I'd disagree there. Again I'm not saying gay people can't be emotionally stable, I'm just saying that in general, for whatever reasons, theyre ususally less stable than heterosexuals. Possible reasons being strain with parents, confusion of feelings, discrimination against them, etc.
Well, I'm not blaming them, I'm saying why I think gay relationships are less likely to survive. Yes, many relationships suffer, but I'm answering the question put by Nostromo about why we think gay relationships tend to be less successful.
Again I agree, I was just saying that if the reason the child was being brought in was to try and provide stability to the relationship then that is wrong- but that would be equally true if it were straight parents bringing in the kid.
As for gay couples, I think adoption is an excellent idea. Maybe they should, like straight couples, ensure the adoptive parents have been together a certain length of time. This would make sure the relationship was serious enough to support children.
I think the reason the co-habittee law hasn't been introduced is because gay couples would then have rights to adoption.
Agreed- I'd go even further (off topic
Sounds police statey but nevertheless I think bringing up children is one of the most important, yet difficult things anyone can do, yet there is no control over who is able to and who isn't- seems ludicrous.
Of course I've no expectation tha tthis would ever happen- at least until governmnets realise the full extent of overcrowding of this world and the effect its going to have in future years.
It doesn't just sound police statey its Fascist!!!!
Who would set the rules for 'perfect parents'?
Who's moral standards would we live up to?
How would you feel if the state decided on your suitability to be a parent?
In some countries they sterilised gypsies because the government said they weren't suitable parents.
Is it fair to tell one person you can't get pregnant because you're not suitable and use population as the excuse?
I agree that there are too many older children in care in this country who are there because of bad parenting but we need to address the bad parenting NOT the fertility rights of individuals!!
Why do so many straight men have a thing against gay men? I read that it was fear of having anal sex or something but I'm not so sure, when many straight men do this with their girlfriends (and not all gays do). It's strange - they don't hate lesbians because many find it sexually attractive. It's the same principle though.
It wouldn't be particulary hard to stop people having kids; you'd just have to have a permit or something, and if you got caught raising a child without one you'd be fined/punished.
You say its fascist but we already have similar laws in place- if the state doesn't think someone is parenting well enough then they're taken into care. This is just going one step further and making sure people can't do any harm in the first place, not just try and correct it afterwards.
I'd suggest having some kind of courts/jury system in place to decide eligibility. I don't see how anyone simply "has the right" to have a kid- thats just how our society has developed by chance. A "right" sometimes needs to be attached to a "responsibility", in my opinion ayway; especially when that right so intimately involves someone else's welfare.
When i came out to my work, i was petrified. How would i be received? Would i be treated differently? Would i be tormented? Was i heck as like. Im still Mark they always knew. On the other hand...i have lost 2 of my best mates. I only admited to them last year...and it all went downhill after that...
Mmmm..thats what makes is on the edge of fascism...the fact that you would be stopping people from having kids according to your own beliefs about what makes a good parent. Presumably you feel that you are suitable parent material but there are others who are not and that you should be allowed to decide!!
As a child who grew up in poverty, without a toilet or bath it frightens me to think that there are people out there who could have decided my parents weren't providing the correct environment to bring me up in!! Yet there is nothing wrong with me now, despite the poverty and the hard times.
No doubt you believe that the fact a person is gay automatically puts them on that list of 'not suitable'?
Well, no, what society/the people thought was a bad parent. And yes while I consider I would make a good parent I'm not going to have children of my own.
Yeah thats true, what I would suggest is that the government eliminate poverty.
Well, "no doubt" is stretching it a bit, I think gays could make good parents, and some gay couples should be allowed to have kids IMOO.
Excuse me?
And were your friends male or female? There's often differing attitudes from each gender, where females tend to be more accepting of it.