Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

Staying Freinds With an Ex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Right question for both the Boys and Girls but mainly the lads..

I have recently split up with my gilfriend of two months. We where pritty good mates before this mind..

Any way things where going great and to cut a long story short one nite she decided that she didn't see us together anymore:(
Know i was and am still deverstated about it but she says that she wants to stay friends, we have some tickets to go and see Nickleback at the NEC in november and still wants me to go but i just don't know if i can deal with the hole thing:(
All of my past relationships i have walk away and that was that no contact etc.. but Charlotte is different i want to be her friend just don't know how to:confused:

How do i haddle the enevertable " this is so and so my new boy friend" OUUUCH :(

Anyone had any experiences to relate to this??

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi thought I'd reply too in case you haven't got time to read Andy's thread- it's pretty heavy reading! I also know exactly how you feel. I broke up with my bf of 7 months, and the first and only love of my life, in Sep. I too am devastated, he's the boy for me, i want to marry him, etc, so when he asked if we could be friends I of course said yes, as losing him would just kill me. It is hard, but I can't get away and ignore him even if I wanted to, as we see each other at school every day, so I just be friendly, chat about the stuff we used to (not the love stuff though) and generally try and be as light and cheerful as possible, even though I just wanna cry most of the time. I usually let him make the first move in talking to me though, and just respond in kind to whatever he says. This way I make sure he's happy with or friendship by allowing him to steer it whatever way he wants.
    Basicallly, just make sure you're always there for your ex when she needs you, but don't chase her, and you'll be fine. It is hard, so i wish you the best of luck, and as Andy says, if you want to contact me feel free to PM or email me whenever you like. Just remember, it does get easier with time.
    good luck
    luv Vicky
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've never been in your situation but i've seen friends tear themselves apart trying to be friends with their ex. Do yourself a favour an make a clean break, at least for a year or two and maybe try and get back in contact and be friends after that.

    Seriously if its anything like my mate your just gonna be hurting yourself, it might not be worth it.

    Only you can make the desicion in the end tho and i get the feeling your gonna stay friends with your ex no matter what anyone says :)

    best of luck to you
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wo...I thought my English was bad enough, now I guess I was wrong, and found myself a competition here...hehe :D

    I've kind of went through the same thing, except my ex was the one that didn't want to stay in touch. It hurts, and it will continue doing so until you brain-wash yourself...

    Maybe you should honestly ask yourself why you want to continue to be her friend and stay in contact. Is it because she's a great person? Or is it because you're really attracted to her? Or is it because you're thinking that there will be second chance for things? It really comes down to why, and what youre expectations are for the future.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It can be awkward, after my ex and I broke up after 18 months together we said we would still be mates, but since then I haven't seen her, and it's been over 9 months now. Yes, I don't like hearing about her new blokes, and I don't think I will ever see her again, so maybe you should goto this concert and then just stop seeing each other altogether for a bit. Keep in touch via email and phone, but wait a couple of months before you see her again.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When I was with my ex i practically lived at his house, his whole family took me in and we were inseparable but at the same time we were the best of mates and he helped me through a really rough time.
    When we split i thought it was going to be so hard because i felt like part of his family. But his family insisted that i was still part of the family and always always welcome. Spending a lot of time with him after we split made things so much easier (dont get me wrong though, it absolutly killed me and having him walk in and do the whole "kel this is my new girlfriend" thing just tore me apart!):crying:
    I think spending time togther on a friends basis helps, maybe that sounds stupid but it worked for me.
    good luck mate
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well after me and my last ex finished after 2 months we said we would stay friends. I went to a club the other nite and she was there and i went to say hello and she didnt say anything back-just ignored me really,her friends said hello though.
    I just think people are better moving on really,but if they mean to be friends then they should be.It can be hard for people to be friends after they have finished though.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it is hard, but worth it... the way I see it is if you had a close enough bond with someone to be going out with them for a period of time, then its a waste to lose it all when it comes to an end, it is hard to stay friends if one of you has feelings for the other but not impossible, I would suggest givin it a bit of time tho, otherwise you can end up hurtin everytime u see them, but not wantin to let on cos you dont want the friendship to end
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Staying Freinds With an Ex

    Felixthecat, it's a sad cliche, but time is a great healer. take some time apart, it really does make it much easier. in my experience if you try and act all 'best mates' immediately after the break up it just gets really confusing and you can end up kidding yourself into think that your ex wants things back as they were.

    explain to her that you need some time out to get your head sorted. tell her that you will be her friend, in time, and that you don't wanna lose contact. i am sure if she wants to still be your mate that she will understand and give you the time you need.

    hope that helps mate. sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. just take as much time as you need. everyone heals at different rates.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Trust me Felix, this period of time is the worst. I went thru exactly the same thing a few years back. I adored my then gfriend and when she said it was over I was gutted, but to still be friends was soooo difficult (it's line I hate to hear as it so degrading!). When the next bfriend thing happened, I had to leave the pub and walk away as i still had strong feelings for her. I would say, go to the concert, have fun, but avoid any topics of the relationship. You have to be strong, it is difficult with no quick or easy fix to this situation. Go with the "she dumped me, but bollocks to her, I'm going to have fun anyway" mentality and it will be a little easier. Be strong, don't let this get you down, and you may see things clearer in a short time. :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    youve just gotta stick it out...:(

    i totally sympathise though... good luck :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i had that problem, was wiv my bf then he dumped me for someone else........we stayed really good mates and then one day he asked me to meet her.....i mean how stupid is he asking me to meet the girl he dumped her for. but i still did! im glad i did though.....looking at what he dumped me for helped me alot, i realised he was a head case, not being big headed or nowt. i was wiv my m8z that day aswell and it helped alot them being there, and taking the mick out of her helped me to feel better aswell but when they split up i became raelly good m8z wiv her and realised the only raeson i was nasty because i was jealous.....jealousy took ever me and i turned into a nasty person
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's unlikely you'll stay the way you were with ure ex ie. before you started going out but it is possible.
    i hate my ex's guts now and the feeling is mutual!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by miss behavin

    i hate my ex's guts now and the feeling is mutual!

    healthy!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by emmex


    healthy!

    muchas gracias!
Sign In or Register to comment.