Boy Girl/ Boyf Girlf/Premarital/Pregnancy 3/5

Boy and Girl Friendships

---

Very young children do not mind who they play with, but from about the
age of 8 most boys prefer to play with boys and girls prefer to play
with girls. Children often form important 'best friend' relationships
between the ages of 10 and 12, and keep these close friendships
throughout their teens.

When a man grows up, his friendships with other men continue to be very
important. If all is well in the family, he has a close relationship
with his father, as well as his brothers, uncles, cousins and later on,
his grown-up sons. In addition, he forms close bonds with neighbours,
workmates and Muslim brothers at the mosque. A married woman continues
to find great comfort in her friendship with other women - whether it
is with her mother and sisters, other relatives, neighbours, or other
Muslim women.

Same-sex friendships are very important throughout one's life. People
of the same sex often share the same interests and experiences, and
understand each other better. But at puberty, teenagers also begin to
become interested in members of the opposite sex. A boy might become
really fascinated about what girls think and feel, and a girl might
become very curious about boys.

In large Muslim families, close friendships between males and females
can grow between older and younger brothers and sisters, or between a
young person and the aunts and uncles close to his or her age, as well
as cousins and trusted friends of the family. This is the natural way
for young people to develop necessary social skills which they will use
again and again later on in life.

These kinds of innocent friendships are fine as long as they are kept
within certain limits. A boy and girl (or man and woman) who are not
close family members must not spend time alone together in a private
place, they should both be modest and shy in their dress and behaviour,
and should restrict their conversation to polite topics. Dating and
casual boy-girl friendships as they occur in liberal societies are not
permitted in Islam. Family get-togethers, activities at the mosque,
and friendly visits provide plenty of opportunities for exchanging


Boyfriends and Girlfriends

---

In liberal societies it is common for boys and girls to go out together
on 'dates' and have several boyfriends and girlfriends before they
finally marry. They mistakenly believe that they will have a better
chance of having a good marriage if they practise together with their
boyfriends and girlfriends doing the things married people do. Or they
think that they must try out different partners before they find the
right one. Or they just want to 'have fun'. Sometimes they live
together as husband and wife without getting married; this is called
'living together'. They might even have a few children before they
decide that they know each other well enough to get married, or they
might decide never to get married at all!

This behaviour is forbidden by Islam and many other religions because
of the terrible problems it causes, which you will understand more as
you read further and gain more experience in life. Sadly, the pressure
on young people to behave in this way at an earlier and earlier age is
becoming stronger. Commercials on TV, films, books at school-sometimes
it seems like the whole world is trying to convince you that if you
don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend, there's something wrong with you!
You may know children in school as young as nine or ten who try to act
much older than they really are, and boast about the things they have
done with their girlfriends or boyfriends. They speak as though they
have very exciting lives, and they try to make other children feel that
they are old-fashioned or stupid if they do not join them. But what
really happens to these children as they get older?

Young people who are actively involved with the opposite sex at a very
early age often come from problem families. Their parents may be
divorced. They may not get enough love or attention at home, so they
look for friendships with people of the opposite sex who will kiss and
touch them and keep them company. This is very dangerous because their
feelings can get easily get out of hand and lead to sexual intercourse


Premarital Sex and Teenage Pregnancy

---

Which would you rather have: a set of new clothes or second-hand ones?
Your own ice cream or an ice cream which a stranger has already licked
from? A present which has been beautifully gift-wrapped or a present
already out of the package? Most people prefer to have their presents
new and wrapped. In the same way, most people who get married like to
know that their husband or wife is just for them; that they have not
been seen or touched in an intimate way by other boyfriends or
girlfriends before them.

When boys or girls have girlfriends or boyfriends before marriage, in
the eyes of a Muslim they become 'used' like second-hand clothing. If
they go so far as to have sexual intercourse before marriage, they
lose their virginity and are no longer considered pure. Many cultures
around the world traditionally emphasize that a girl in particular must
be a virgin at the time of marriage, and those girls who behave in a
careless way with boys lose their reputations and have difficulty
finding respectable marriage partners. However, Islam places a high and
equal value on the self-control and chastity of both men and women, and
most parents will be reluctant to marry their daughter to a young man
who is known to have had several girlfriends. They will be afraid that
such a man will get tired of her before long and leave her for another
woman, or that he will not respect and treat her well.

Sexual intercourse can also result in pregnancy, as you have learned.
Some people try to prevent pregnancy by using different methods of
contraception, or birth control. However birth control does not always
work. If a girl becomes pregnant through pre-marital sex or fornication
it is a disaster for her and her baby, and a disgrace for her family.
A girl can become pregnant at the age of 11 or 12, but she is not ready
for the responsibilities of motherhood, and neither is a 14 year old
boy ready to be a father. Neither of them have finished their education
and they cannot get a job. Therefore, they cannot provide a good life
for their child. This is very unfair to the innocent baby.

Sometimes teenagers want to get married when they find out that the
girl is pregnant, but in most places it is not possible for young
people to get married before 18 without permission of the parents. More
often, the boy becomes scared and refuses to admit he is the father of
the child, and will not have anything to do with the girl after that.
Then she is completely alone, alone with a baby who will never know its
father. Young people who do marry before they are prepared for all the
responsibilities of living on their own often have a very difficult
time. They may not be able to finish their studies, and both parents
may have to take on disagreeable work in order to pay the bills. Forced