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Father's Day

SupernovaSupernova Posts: 987 Part of The Mix Family
Given that this Sunday is Father's Day, I remembered a discussion from a year or two ago that someone had posted for those of us who don't have our Dad's in our lives for whatever reason it may be. I couldn't find the original post to comment on, but I thought it would be good for people to have somewhere to vent / discuss how they're feeling in what might be a difficult time for them.

To start things off myself, I'm usually pretty good at keeping negative emotions in check when it comes to specific dates and anniversaries. Pretty good at finding something to distract me from it all. But this year it all lines up with a period of low mood, and the fact that I'm currently on a waiting list for bereavement counselling. So as it is right now I've not been doing well, and honestly I find myself at a loss for what the future holds, and any desire I really have to participate in it. I've been thinking about the things I miss, the things I will never experience again, the advice I desperately need but can never have. I miss his sensible and calm demeanour, and the motivation he inspired in me to do well and be good. How he could rationalise my problems and help me to find a way forward. I miss the good times we shared and I wish that I had done more, or been mature enough at the time to see and comprehend all the struggles he was facing. I'm not someone who believes in any sort of an afterlife, honestly I wish I was. But even still I'd like to wish him well, for whatever good it might do.

I hope this is a useful discussion to people over the next few days, and I wish you all the best. <3
LorryTruckEd_

Comments

  • Ed_Ed_ Moderator Posts: 989 Part of The Mix Family
    edited June 18
    Hey @Supernova - first up, really appreciate you starting this thread again, definitely important that people on here who may find Father's day difficult for whatever reason know that it is okay to have these feelings and that we are all here to listen and talk them through.

    I admire the courage and strength you have shown in talking about what you have been going through of late. It sounds pretty rough for things to line up in a way where you experience a period of low mood at the same time as a specific date reminding you of a loss you've endured. You've done really well to share with us here <3

    When it comes to grief and loss, there is no magic wand that can suddenly make it better, nor is there one set path that everyone must follow, but what I will say is that for me, there are a few things that are important whilst acknowledging that these are a lot easier said than done, and that I am no expert on this:
    1. Be kind to yourself - there can be lots of complex feelings and thoughts relating to losing someone and it can be very easy to get into a cycle where you blame yourself for things that happened in the past or things left unsaid. Part of the process is to show ourselves the kindness we need to be able to let go of these regrets.
    2. No two people grieve in exactly the same way. Listen to ideas from others about things that could be helpful, but also know that what was right for them, may not be right for you in this moment.
    3. keep talking to people who you trust and that validate the things you are feeling.

    I'm sure others will have some suggestions too, so please do share them and add to the list. There is also a good overview on this article here.

    Do also remember that there are plenty of places out there that will listen and talk things through if you ever feel like you need it. We are all here for you supernova, and I just want to drop in a couple of 1-2-1 support options too, as they have people available 24/7 to listen:
    Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
    Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email [email protected]
    Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email [email protected]
    Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
    Childline | call 0800 11 11
    Cruse Berevavement Care (Not 24/7 but open every day) | Call 0808 808 1677

    Something came up on Twitter for me earlier around grief that really struck a chord with me and it felt relevant to share which I believe is a quote from Wandavision: "what is grief, if not love persevering?"

    Sending hugs and strength to anyone who needs it <3
    I'm a community moderator. I represent The Mix on the discussion boards and I'm here to help guide discussions, make sure everything is within guidelines, and take care of the housekeeping. I can't send or receive private messages, but you can message @TheMix or email with any questions or concerns and the team will get back to you.
    Supernova
  • enorth1enorth1 Posts: 69 Boards Initiate
    Hey @Supernova, I just want to echo Ed in saying this is a very thoughtful and important thread to start up again.

    Ed shared some excellent grief advice above. I particularly liked his point about being kind to yourself. I feel it can be really hard to remember to look after yourself when you're hurting, but its so important <3

    Something I wanted to contribute to the topic is some research Elizabeth Kubler-Ross did about trying to identify stages of grief. She explains that there is no set order or length of time you stay in the stages, but for some people it can be helpful to understand that there are many emotions in grief and all of them are totally normal and important to go through when processing something so huge. They can be displayed in so many different ways too. I'm not sure if its helpful for you, but its just one way of trying to make sense of such a complex, personal experience to go through.

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    You have explained your feelings so clearly, I really get a sense of your sadness about what could've been. That can't be easy at all. I'm so pleased you've put yourself on a waiting list for counselling so that you're able to explore this further, and in the meantime we at the Mix are all here for you to discuss this as much as you want to too.

    Thinking of everyone today. Supernova, I hope you've been able to distract and look after yourself <3 x
    Supernova
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