Head over to this thread to submit a song for our February 'Love' playlist that we'll be putting on Spotify!

just me

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi there

I'm new in here and the only reason why I am here is, I'm am borde of working.
well hey there isn't much to say. I just wanna say, I like jokes :)

25 Fun Pool Activities

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down
until your demands are met.
2) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you
have seen at least 15 people drown today.
3) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
4) Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
5) Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
6) Hit strangers with your flutter board.
7) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you.
8) Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh
yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''
9) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
10) Swim near someone and go ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have
had watermelon before I came here.''
11) Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
12) Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you,
say ''HA-HA, fooled you!''
13) Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off
of a diving board.
14) Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.
15) Tell people you saw the lifeguard pissing in the pool.
16) Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
17) Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
18) Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and
then act as though you were pushed off.
19) When in line, ask strangers if they think invisble people get a
20) Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say ''Wheee!
I'm Batman!'' while running around.
21) Hit strangers with your wet towel.
22) Throw people's things into the pool.
23) Sing and dance on top of the dinving board, then do a belly-flop
as your grande-finale.
24) Play Marco-Polo by yourself.
25) Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea
monsters lately.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LOL! Hi there! You'll never leave...we own you now!! :D:p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    damn i should have read that contract! ;)
    uhhhhhhhh lunch time!!!!! c u

    20 Types You Meet in the Men's Room

    1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips
    2) Sociable -- Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
    3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other
    guy is fixed.
    4) Timid -- Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal,
    comes back later. 5) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pisses in
    6) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on
    7) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick
    inspection. 8) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal,
    tries to hit flies and bugs.
    9) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
    10) Childish -- Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it
    11) Sneaky -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent,
    knows man in other stall will be blamed.
    12) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free
    13) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
    14) Tough -- Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry.
    15) Efficient -- Waits until he has to crap and does both.
    16) Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in
    17) Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
    18) Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
    19) Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
    20) Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey shaolin,

    love the jokes, the pool ones i might use on hols....
    anyway welcome to the site, hope you enjoy it and i'll c ya around

    take care!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cheers, nice to hear! here are some more...

    50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

    1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
    2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to
    other passengers.
    3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering,
    "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
    4. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly.
    5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
    6. On a long ride, crash from side to side as if you're on rough
    7. Shave. (Especially if you're a woman.)
    8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside,
    ask: "Got enough air in there?"
    9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours
    10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,
    without getting off.
    11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors
    open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
    12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol
    13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake
    and ask them to call you, "Admiral".
    14. One word: Flatulence!
    15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay
    open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go
    "plink" at the bottom.
    16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
    17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then
    announce, "I've got new socks on!"
    18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh,
    not now. Damn motion sickness!"
    19. Give religious literature to each passenger.
    20. Meow occasionally.
    21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
    22. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say,
    23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
    24. Sing, "Mary Had a Little Lamb," while continually pushing
    25. Holler, "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
    26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
    27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're
    one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
    28. Burp, and then say "Mmmm...tasty!"
    29. Leave a box between the doors.
    30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for
    31. Wear a puppet on your hand and make it talk to the other
    32. Start a sing-along.
    33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your
    34. Play the harmonica.
    35. Shadow box.
    36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
    37. Lean against the button panel.
    38. Say, "I wonder what all these do," and push the red buttons.
    39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
    40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the
    other passengers that this is your "personal space".
    41. Bring a chair along.
    42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna
    see wha in muh mouf?"
    43. Blow spit bubbles.
    44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
    45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host
    46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
    47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
    48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other
    49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
    50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"
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