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New to Polyamory - Advice
Rose124
Posts: 69 Boards Initiate
Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well.
I normally wouldn't post on here. But I have decided to today as I'm struggling to come to terms with my sexual orientation and there might be someone on here that can relate to what I am going through, and would be able to give me some advice on where to turn to, as I'm literally stuck on what to do or where to turn to as there is so much information about polyamory out there, that I honestly don't know where to start.
So, all my life I have been jumping from one relationship to another, and it's not really out of boredom or such it's more just the fact that the partners i'm with can't fulfill all of my needs or wants in relationships, so I jump to the next person hoping that they can, but i again find that i am once again stuck in the same position. I also feel really guilty about falling in love romantically with other people outside of the relationship, so I end the relationship with my partner so as not to hurt them. I also can't help but feel trapped in monogamous relationships, as there are so many people out there who are amazing and I would love to be able to have the freedom to date them and explore romantic relationships with them.
Due to this, I've been thinking that it is highly likely that I am polyamorous. So, I was just wondering if anyone has any advice on where to start researching or finding out more information on this topic? Also, if you are polyamorous, how did you explain it to your parents/friends?
Thank you for reading all of this - I really appreciate it.
Wishing you all the best.
I normally wouldn't post on here. But I have decided to today as I'm struggling to come to terms with my sexual orientation and there might be someone on here that can relate to what I am going through, and would be able to give me some advice on where to turn to, as I'm literally stuck on what to do or where to turn to as there is so much information about polyamory out there, that I honestly don't know where to start.
So, all my life I have been jumping from one relationship to another, and it's not really out of boredom or such it's more just the fact that the partners i'm with can't fulfill all of my needs or wants in relationships, so I jump to the next person hoping that they can, but i again find that i am once again stuck in the same position. I also feel really guilty about falling in love romantically with other people outside of the relationship, so I end the relationship with my partner so as not to hurt them. I also can't help but feel trapped in monogamous relationships, as there are so many people out there who are amazing and I would love to be able to have the freedom to date them and explore romantic relationships with them.
Due to this, I've been thinking that it is highly likely that I am polyamorous. So, I was just wondering if anyone has any advice on where to start researching or finding out more information on this topic? Also, if you are polyamorous, how did you explain it to your parents/friends?
Thank you for reading all of this - I really appreciate it.
Wishing you all the best.
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Comments
I suppose on the main there are lots of types of polyamory and different configurations. Which you can look into more such as on google images even, but things like multiple one on one, triangles, solo poly etc. There are some blogs also on the topic.
I would say polyamory is a bit of a scale some forms are even more controlling and rule based whereas others are a lot more free. Ofc you need some negotiation to make it work.
Then there is relationship anarchy which is more a way of breaking down the difference between types of relationships and not treating any one lesser its kinda neither poly or mono in that respect.
There are people who do use polyamory or similar as an excuse to not treat people so nice (but there are always such people anywhere) so it gets bad rep from some.
Also some people are only looking casual or I think while dating there is usually a period where its okay to meet lots of people, relationship escalator its called I think.
Another important thing to do with poly is managing jealously.
I haven't really tried poly myself tho im not sure the idea of relationships works for me but Id say this is what I have seen on this topic in general.
As for explaining it maybe just saying you feel uncomfortable or trapped otherwise?
firstly, I'm pleased you decided to share this here. writing it out is a really good way to think through your feelings - I'm proud of you!
the mix has an "experts advice" page about polyamory - you can read it here.
you might also find youtube videos to be helpful, with people sharing their personal experiences.
in terms of explaining it to parents/friends:
i'm not poly, but a close friend of mine is. she decided to share it when she was in a poly relationship, and explained very casually that she had two partners and was very happy. she said she was open to any questions and that was that. i think if people had any questions for you, the best way is to describe honestly how you feel, explain it to them how you explained it to us. you could also link them to any resources that you find helpful if they wanted to further their understanding more.
always remember, though, that it's fine to explain to others to help their understanding, but you don't need to justify yourself. whether you love one, two, three or more people...love is love and should always be celebrated
And like you said @coc0mac Love is Love and should always be celebrated.