Home Health & Wellbeing

Unsent letters

_AJ__AJ_ Posts: 72 Budding Regular
Hi, 
So this is an idea I have used lots of the years, where you write letters to people telling them something you want to get off your chest, but can't necessarily say out loud. It can be a good way to get things off your mind, or even be a way of practicing telling people things. 
I will probably post several, but wanted to encourage others to join in too!
AJ x
joyaAriannacoc0macJade09Han93EyepatchbirdLorryTruck

Comments

  • joyajoya Posts: 220 Trailblazer
    dear family, i love you and i love the support that you give to me. I love how funny you are and how strong we are together... but, i'm tired. everything its so messed up. i feel like we are just simple strangers. i cant talk to you and i cant hug you; you its like a mirage, it is too far for me. im falling and i cant ask no more for help, im sorry. i love you so much, and im really sorry for be the way i am.  im trying, but im dying too...
    everything always goes ^^
    coc0mac_AJ_AzzimanMikuMikuEmoji246
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 650 Incredible Poster
    Just wanted to say this is absolutely a wonderful idea. I will save this thread incase I feel the need to write a letter myself - thank you! :heart:
    joya
  • mags98mags98 Posts: 287 Moderator
    This is such a great idea @_AJ_ !

    What do you do with you letters after, do you keep them or dispose them?
  • joyajoya Posts: 220 Trailblazer
    dear family, this is me again; i have so much to say to you, but i dont not even know how to start. But the topic today is: why do you not believe on my diagnosis? i feel ALL things that a bpd person feels, i have my up and downs, my impulsive acts, i brag on you sometimes, i cry for nothing, i feel so much for things that are to little, i have this vacuo inside of my chest. Why do you not believe on medicine? Why you prefer to say that its my fault? That i dont have enough faith? C'mon, I've already accepted that i have a disease that will take me for the rest of my life with treatment, why did you not accept that yet? I'm sick, i hear voices, i am paranoid, i am a sad person, i am manipulative sometimens, i lie, i am bad; why those things its rough to accept? i love you, dear family, but im no more the little girl of nine years old that you are used to know. im eighteen, im exhausted, i want to ***. Please, accept me, with my bag of disaster, please.
    everything always goes ^^
    Liam
  • _AJ__AJ_ Posts: 72 Budding Regular
    mags98 said:
    This is such a great idea @_AJ_ !

    What do you do with you letters after, do you keep them or dispose them?
    Thanks @mags98!
    usually I keep them (I keep a record on my phone). Sometimes I even give them to people :)
  • joyajoya Posts: 220 Trailblazer
    Dear friends, I love you all. I love the way you made me happier, the way we can smile together and pass throught the rough days with good memories. I love you all. And I'm so sorry for being the way I am, for being so this dramatic lady and this representation of an young self or an ID that screams like a baby all the time "I wanna die"; I'm sorry for don't want to live in the world, even when you guys exist to make me happy and to me make you guys happier, because even being this sad, I can tell one or two bad jokes. So yes, I'm sorry for all things I have done. For all things that i can do in the future. I love you Bielle and I love you Lucas. You both are my heart and soul. I'm grateful for have you in my life. Thank you. 
    everything always goes ^^
    Liam
  • AriannaArianna Posts: 64 Boards Initiate
    edited November 4
    @_AJ_ as ever, gonna piggyback off yours for now. Adore you!

    This is to one of my uni tutors. Who I had a sort of semi crisis conversation at today. In preparation for future less controlled crises. It’s always hard. I just. You know.

    Sorry it’s ramble and not proofread. Just needed it out somewhere that’s not my head. 
    /

    Hi N,


    Thank you for today. Appreciate you hearing me :)


    I’m kind of freaked out by the conversation, in an irrational sort of way. Which isn’t a feeling I’m unfamiliar with, by any means, but it is one I haven’t felt for a long time. 


    Mostly I just. Needed you to know. I needed you to know because when things are this bad I can’t think of anything other than ‘alright’ as a response to questions and that’s never enough to be genuine. I can never elaborate on ‘fine’ when things are this bad. And I am trying to be open. I am not uninterested, or uninvested. I care more than to just give you one word answers, but I can’t elaborate on an answer that’s not true.


    And things like this always leave me feeling like I could shake out of my skin after the event. It will pass, it always does. But I do also just have to process, here, and then try to put aside.


    I. Thank you. You were very sweet. I don’t get the impression GPs generally are, that has not been mostly my experience. I am glad for some of your tells, in the moments you weren’t controlling facial expression and professionalism. That when I went ‘everything is terrible!’ there was, I think, a spilt second in which you went ‘aw!’ and your expression kind of. mirrored that. For the moment you forgot to control it. This was reassuring.


    I know I was. Making light of it. I know that, and I know too that I kind of avoided some questions, and that I wasn’t particularly clear. It’s hard. I promise I’m not insane. I know there were random bits where I didn’t know what else to say. I have practiced so, so much at taking a breath to find words and explain myself, and it’s helped in other places, in my knowing I have things I want to say, but this has always been the one catch. I am better than I used to be. I explain more, marginally. I am still as lighthearted because it borders on hysteria, but I think it. Was less obviously hysteria than it has been before. Which is the aim. More controlled, though not collected.


    There was also the moment when I think I’d not... really given you any tells that I was being genuine. And it’s hard, too, with the masks and the not knowing each other and my inability to be serious about serious things. But there was a bit where. for a beat. you noticed my fingers locked together in my lap. And looked up like that was your tell that I was stressed.


    Because I mean of course I was. I just. Work really hard to modulate my physical responses and my facial expressions. And this particular tell I just. Forgot about. 


    Which is okay, I think. It helped you feel I was being genuine. It helped me feel... kind of seen? Like. Suddenly you sort of. Took in body language. Which was more genuine than the way i was saying things. 


    Regardless. I have often been so stressed I cross ankles, too, tap feet, cross arms. This wasn’t one of them. I wouldn’t have told you this if I hadn’t felt you were a reasonable person. I felt more. Comfortable with this openness than I have in a long time. The words are hard but the intention was not forced.


    I feel. Kind of frustrated with myself that I’m not on the ‘got it together’ train, and not only that but I often can’t even pretend to be. I feel it’s unfortunate that this is often one of the first impressions people get of me, and that kind of feels a lot like shame, that I can’t be anything better, stronger. I am sorry for that. I’m sorry that there’s material here for you to judge me in a way that isn’t positive.


    I just. Would really like reassurance that I didn’t say anything stupid, or too much, or come across as hysterical. You know? You can’t watch yourself back in these situations but they always feel awkward. 


    Thank you for the reassurance that I didn’t need to apologise. You did the surprised blink when I did and that always surprises me because often enough there’s every reason to be sorry and if there isn’t I want the reassurance regardless. I like. That you looked surprised, that it sounded genuinely open when you told me not to be sorry at all. 


    It’s catches like ‘at all,’ extra words! That you wouldn’t put in if something was pre rehearsed.


    Anyway. I kind of. Tried to follow social cues and not take up too much time (how much time did I take up???). And I tried to get out when it seemed like the end. Sorry I’m so fucking awkward. 


    Thank you for thanking me for being frank. That. Felt like validation that I’d done an accepted thing and that you were okay with it. 


    Okay. Goodnight. Appreciate you!

    A.

    Liam
Sign In or Register to comment.