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I got my social work files

Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 1,201 Wise Owl
in Home, Law & Money
As the title says, I got my social work files. 

I got them in May. I've taken a while to go through them and try to understand them. 

I've contacted professionals but due to corona I've not been too successful yet. 

My files excused child abuse.

They let my abuser make the decision to close the case when asked. 

They basically didn't believe me. 

They state that because I didn't talk with my family around that there was no point trying to help me further! Noted me as unengaging during conversation. 

They made the decision not to let me get interviewed by police as "they wouldn't get anything out of me". The police wanted to talk to me! 

I WAS A TEENAGER WHO WAS CONSCIOUS OF MY OWN DECISIONS. 

I was scared. I was shy. They didn't do enough to help me. 

I CONTACTED THEM, COULDN'T THEY SEE I NEEDED HELP. 

They tried to get me into counselling with cahms to do family work - they wanted me to talk about how I was feeling about my abuser while they were in the room. 

I got moved into kinship care and later found out when applying for university (4 years later!) That it was unnoficial kinship care, used to not have to pay money for me. 

Stated it was a family agreement for me to move there when they literally said if there's no family for her to live with she'll go into foster care. 

The house wasn't safe for me to live in - both the condition of the house (major hoarder situation) and the abuse and neglect I was experiencing. They acknowledged all of this and gave me no further support. 

I still struggle with my past to this day and I'm mad that they didn't do more for me. 

I want to take some sort of action against them. There's plenty of evidence in my file that they didn't do the right thing. Quite a lot of contradicting stuff. 

I'm just looking for a bit of support or validation while I wait for a professional.  
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    Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 1,201 Wise Owl
    edited August 2022

    Honestly I needed to hear this. I don't want to go against them in court, I'm not sure they could do that anyway, but even seeing some disciplinary action would be nice. Or even an apology. Maybe an acknowledgement that they failed me. 

    I wanted to go into foster care at the time. I know a lot of people say that because they're sad or don't get on with their family all the time. 

    But I never ate in my house - I ate at my grandparents house every day. If I didn't go to school (I was a stubborn bitch but still doesn't excuse anything, I've come to learn) I'd be left home alone. This was after multiple attempts to physically drag me out of bed, kicking, punching etc. Lots of verbal screaming matches as well. 

    Our kitchen wasn't functioning, none of our rooms functioned. 

    I couldn't sleep in my own bedroom, I shared a bed with my single parent until I was removed at the age of 14. The bed was also broken may I add. 

    We had dogs who had the hallway which was actually clear. 

    The dogs were more of a priority than me. 

    Once I was removed it's noted in my file that parent made no effort to prioritise sorting the house out for me to return. 

    It's noted that my grandparents struggled to look after me, not financially but emotionally because I was hard to deal with. 

    They stated that I was provided for in every way that I needed. Well emotionally I wasn't provided for and my abuser had daily access to me. 

    It goes on and on but I don't know how far I can take it without dropping my family in it. 

    Anyway I guess that was just a continuation of my small rant. 

    Thanks for your response and taking the time to care. 
    Post edited by TheMix on 
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    JordanJordan Moderator Posts: 343 The Mix Regular
    I've just finished reading through your posts and I know you posted looking for some support.  I just thought I'd  let you know that your emotions and your desire for action are completely justified and valid. It must have been really hard for you to read through those files, but it sounds like you persevered so you could better understand your past. You are completely right to be angry and upset, and I hope that the professionals you are in touch with are able to do the things you want them to do.

    Let us know how everything goes if you wish to do so, @Anch0r33
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    DistractionDistraction Posts: 449 Listening Ear
    Hi @Anch0r33

    Thats an awful experience to go through and a lot to deal with, I really hope you can get some closure <3  .

    I was surprised to read about that part where they wanted you to talk about home life with the abuser in the same room as I can relate to it and feel for you. I've never heard it happening to anyone else and I still feel angry about it, to be let down by the people who are meant to make sure you are safe in a home environment.

    I was in a meeting with social workers and my mother was standing behind me, breathing down my neck when they asked how things were at home, I wanted to tell them everything but my mother threatened me not to. It was the same when the police got called in the street, it feels like they just want to pat you on the head and send you home. The whole system is messed up! If someone would have only listened.

    If you don't mind me asking how did you find getting a hold of your files, was it straight forward? 

    How are you feeling now? 
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    Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 1,201 Wise Owl
    Distraction said:
    Hi @Anch0r33

    Thats an awful experience to go through and a lot to deal with, I really hope you can get some closure <3  .

    I was surprised to read about that part where they wanted you to talk about home life with the abuser in the same room as I can relate to it and feel for you. I've never heard it happening to anyone else and I still feel angry about it, to be let down by the people who are meant to make sure you are safe in a home environment.

    I was in a meeting with social workers and my mother was standing behind me, breathing down my neck when they asked how things were at home, I wanted to tell them everything but my mother threatened me not to. It was the same when the police got called in the street, it feels like they just want to pat you on the head and send you home. The whole system is messed up! If someone would have only listened.

    If you don't mind me asking how did you find getting a hold of your files, was it straight forward? 

    How are you feeling now? 
    I appreciate the response! And I'm sorry you had to go through that too. It's rough when none of the people who are supposed to save you save you. 

    It's disgusting how they think we have the courage to speak out against our abusers in front of them. As much as I wanted out of that house, I didn't want to lose my mother. I needed a safe place and controlled visits. Instead I got a safe place and uncontrolled, daily, awkward visits. Can't complain too much since I got out. 

    For me, it was simple enough. I just needed to prove I was who I said I was, provide a safe address to send them too and that was about it. It took a few weeks but I didn't have any issues and they were actually really supportive. Again, can't complain there either. They weren't difficult at all, much easier than the actual social workers. 

    Tbh I'm getting no mental health support right now, my uni has told me they can't provide the trauma support I need and that I need to ask my GP for trauma therapy. So I'm waiting until they can see us in person. 

    I'm just trying to block everything away just now. Not ideal but I really can't deal with this crap by myself, even with the good support group I have. 

    I hope you're well and feel free to message me so we can talk more ❤️ 
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