Home Health & Wellbeing
Fill out our Discussion Boards user survey for a chance to win a £50 Amazon voucher, to shape our services, and get closer to earning a badge!

Giving up.

2456

Comments

  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    Lol just gonna knock myself out. Can't struggle then

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    How many times do I have to say I'm not ok, to be heard?
    How many times do I literally have to beg for someone to listen?
    How many more times will I not matter?

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    Liam
  • EleanorEleanor Living the Zen life 🧘🏼‍♀️ Posts: 1,139 Wise Owl
    @GreenTea We support you and we can hear you <3 I want you to know that your voice is being heard and we won't back down until you know just how much you matter. 

    You bring so much positive light to The Mix, the threads you create to facilitate conversation and the support you give is so unbelievably important to everyone! I love being able to come on here and have a chat with you because you make it so enjoyable and your such a lovely person. It breaks my heart to know that you are hurting! 

    I admire how self-aware you are, reaching out when you need support! It's not an easy thing to do but it's so important and by doing it you give others to confidence to do the same. You know my inbox is always open to you if you need a chat and I will be there to listen <3 

    You matter to me and that's enough, I have faith in you and I know you will bounce back from this even if you have to hit a little deeper first. Your strength and your courage will pull you through this, I know it will. 

    You deserve to be heard and supported, that is not something that will ever be taken away from you. Negativity and mental illnesses take and take and take so I want to give you back some of your positivity because you deserve it and let you know that you make this community a better place everyday <3 
    Alis propriis volat 
    independent_chubbydumplingGreenTea
  • LiamLiam mint Posts: 1,478 Wise Owl
    Hey @GreenTea

    I think that people here, especially the people who have commented on this thread have acknowledged and heard that you are not okay right now. 

    We are happy to listen & want to help because you matter, you and your feelings are important. 

    What helps lift your mood when you’re feeling low? 
    EleanorGreenTea
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    edited June 16
    I am constantly putting up a front that im doing ok because I get made to feel guilty for struggling by others and it's really shit feeling. It seems everyone expects me to want to help them but never wants to listen to me.

    I'm struggling with my mental health and have no where to turn, my anxiety is so bad it feels constant. It feels like it never goes away, I'm constantly twitchy, shakey, stuttering and finding I have to gasp to catch my breath. 

    My body image is so poor that I'm breaking dress code at work just to feel comfortable and I'm gonna get in trouble soon. I constantly want to hide in baggy clothes. I want to cut off all the bits I hate. I've been spending hours hating myself and it's so fucking hard yet I get called an attention seeker when saying I'm struggling. I'm barely eating at the moment. And when I do eat I feel so guilty. I force myself to meet certain exercise amounts daily. I weigh myself several times in the day and sometimes can't sleep because i feel guilty that I've stopped moving around. 

    I'm really struggling with past truama. I keep seeing and hearing things that triggers thoughts about it, memories and smells. It's so fucking hard. Every day I have to live with this shit and I've begged and begged for help and never got any. 
    I feel so frustrated and overwhelmed with self hate and knowing everyone hates me hurts. Knowing people bitch about me behind my back, write things on social media about me. It knocks me down so much. Some nights I want to take my life so everything stops and I can be at peace. Some nights I just cry and cry. I have graphic thoughts about suicide. I can't even keep myself free from self harm. 
    I am at breaking point and literally begging constantly for someone to listen and everyone turns their backs. I don't feel safe posting a lot of stuff going on here, this is only a small amount of shit going on. 

    [spoiler added by moderator]

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    independent_Laine
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 4,771 The Mix Elder
    I echo every word that @Eleanor has said (what a lovely post) and also would second @Liam ‘s question of what helps you.

    I know you’ve been here before many times, and you are an exceptionally strong person because every time you pull through. I’ve heard the saying before that so far, you’ve made it through 100% of your worst days. That is very true and it means you are really strong and you’ll get through this too. I, and others, will acknowledge that it’s going to be really really hard, but you will get through this too.

    I care, we all care. You matter to us. I know you’re not ok right now, it’s ok not to be ok and to reach out for the support you absolutely deserve, 110%! 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    EleanorGreenTea
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    I couldn't even post the self care thread this month because I feel like a complete hypocrite because I've not taken actual care of myself in so long.

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 4,771 The Mix Elder
    Also, know that we are listening. It’s really horrible when you don’t feel listened to, I’ve been there and it’s the worst feeling in the world thinking that no one cares. We are listening. I am listening. We’re here, and it’s good that you’re posting here and talking to us - if nothing else it gets all of this off your chest and means you’re not bottling it up. It takes a lot of courage to do that.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    GreenTea
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    I'm bottling a lot up and I'm about ready to explode

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    independent_Laine
  • EleanorEleanor Living the Zen life 🧘🏼‍♀️ Posts: 1,139 Wise Owl
    @GreenTea You don't need to put a front to us, we are here for you in every way that we can be. We want you to feel comfortable enough being the real you, not someone who is pretending to be okay. I know that pretending everything is alright only makes it worse which is why I am incredibly proud of you for writing the post explaining some of the things that have been difficult to you. I want you to know that we heard that <3 

    You're mental health is so important so if you need to talk to your manager about possibly wearing something that makes you feel more comfortable, then do so. I'm sure they will be understanding <3 

    We will never turn our backs on you so don't worry about that! 

    Body image is a tough one and it sounds as though you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. I think that you are perfect in every way and I wouldn't change a thing about you. I know we don't know each other in person but that doesn't matter to me. Online people can be more honest or more authentic because of the anonymity and I love this @GreenTea just the way you are! 

    My words may not mean much but I hope that you can also hear me in saying that you are cared for on here and we all value you <3 
    Alis propriis volat 
    independent_LaineGreenTea
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    I  just feel so fed up and broken

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    Eleanor
  • EleanorEleanor Living the Zen life 🧘🏼‍♀️ Posts: 1,139 Wise Owl
    @GreenTea That's okay! Allow yourself to feel what ever you are feeling, don't push it away just let it process. Think about how it feels inside your body and sit with it and try to be okay with feeling that way. Then, when you are ready, think of the steps you can take to make yourself feel better but all at the same time knowing that it's okay to not feel okay all of the time. 

    For example, I feel anxiety in my chest. So I tend to sit and listen to my body and ask myself what do I need? I let myself know that it's okay to be anxious and I don't have to change that if I don't want to. Once I've acknowledged this I help myself by putting one hand on my chest and focusing on my breathing. That way I can feel my heart rate slow down and see the progress I am making. When I feel calm again I still take a moment to sit and process what I am feeling know and that I am in control of my body if I choose to be. 

    You don't even need to know how to fix it, as long as you acknowledge that the feelings there and you welcome it. Often pushing it away can make it worse. 

    I hope that you are able to take something from this post, it's okay to feel fed up and broken. After all, there can't be a rainbow without the rain! 
    Alis propriis volat 
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    Thank you. 
    How I feel won't settle soon. It's thunder and lightening bad here 

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

  • Ed_Ed_ Posts: 457 Community Manager
    edited June 16
    Hey GreenTea,

    Just jumping in to echo what a lot of the community have been saying, you are showing incredible strength and honesty in opening up with how things are for you right now. Being real about where you are right now is so much more courageous than just saying things are okay when they aren't. It may not always feel like it, but these can be incredibly important steps on the path forward and will show others in the community that is okay to be completely open and honest within this space. 

    I know you mentioned earlier in the thread that you didn't feel able to reach out to 1-2-1 support because of a recent bad experience of doing so elsewhere. It can be hard to continue to reach out about difficult topics when you are finding it hard to trust how they will respond to you when you do open up. Whilst I don't know the details of what exactly happened with the other service, generally speaking, most organisations will have a confidentiality policy on their website that outlines what they will and won't do when people share things with them. This can help when choosing who you want to talk to, should that be something that you want to look at. For full disclosure, our policy is here, which is applied consistently across all of our services. Perhaps if you did want to try and reach out to a 1-2-1 service again, you could ask them a few questions about what their processes are, and what they may do in certain scenarios. This may make you feel more confident in trusting how they will respond. 

    There are a number of services that can provide support 1-2-1 support when you are feeling in a dark place. You may know some or all of these options, but I wanted to make sure they were readily available if you ever needed them:

    • 999 - if you ever feel at immediate risk, call 999 for immediate help
    • The Mix crisis messenger - text TheMix to 85258 to speak to somebody over text at any time during the day
    • Samaritans - you can call them anytime on 116 123 to speak to somebody about how things are for you at the moment
    • Papyrus - provide support to those thinking of suicide, you can call them on 0800 068 4141 - they are open 2pm-11pm over the weekend. 
    • Maytree - usually offer a sanctuary to those who are experiencing suicidal thoughts, because of COVID, they are currently offering support over the phone and email between 10am-6pm each day - https://www.maytree.org.uk/

    We are all here for you GT, hopefully the responses to this thread show that the community will always provide a space that will listen and show support care and kindness <3

    Ed
    "Don't let them paint you gray. They're gonna see you're somebody, somewhere, someday. Don't ever let them take your playful heart away. Oh you're somebody nobody could replicate" ~ Roo Panes
    Eleanor
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    Thank you ed.

    Honestly I don't trust using 1-2-1 services anymore. They don't feel safe or comfortable. Where as public spaces others can see what's going on and to me that feels safer right now. 

    I'm just sat crying and feel so alone

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    Eleanor
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    I'm really struggling today. Just come home form Aldi and burst into tears. 
    My anxiety is so high and I hate it

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    Called a helpline earlier but it wasn't very helpful so I hung up.. been feeling guilty ever since

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    Need to just numb myself with alcohol 

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    Salix_alba_2019
  • ShaunieShaunie I’m alive but I’m ✨dead✨ England 🏠Posts: 10,957 An Original Mixlorian
    edited June 18
    How are you feeling now. ? Hope feeling better

    𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕪 𝕤𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘 💕💕

  • Han93Han93 EnglandPosts: 298 The Mix Regular
    @GreenTea

    Sending you such big hugs <3 Keep talking to us if it helps and know that we are all listening to you and all here to help you through this. You are such a big part of The Mix community and we are all so grateful to have you here - I hope you can see that from all of the comments on this post. 
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    Thank you @Han93

    Just had such a crap week in general. Really finding things difficult.

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    Just stopped...and broken down in tears... I want to take myself for a long walk in the middle of the night knowing fully how unsafe it is at the moment. 
    I've got people constantly checking up on me and I feel like I'm just burdening them, they shouldn't have to keep checking on me. It's not fair. They have lives too. 
    I'm finding things really hard, I feel really low and ready to just end things. (Am safe) there comes a point things are too much.. too much to cope with, to much to handle..
    Knowing certain people hate me too..that hurts..I know I can be challenging sometimes but I feel like nobody bothers to actually get to know me of understand me. Everything feels very one sided. I make all the effort and others don't and it hurts.
    When does it stop? When do things slow down enough to manage safely? When does it end..

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    StarlightSalix_alba_2019
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    I feel like I'm drowning.

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    StarlightSalix_alba_2019
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    Woken up not feeling much better but putting on a fake happy front to please everyone around me. 

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    Woken up not feeling much better but putting on a fake happy front to please everyone around me. 

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    Starlight
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 4,771 The Mix Elder
    Hey,

    Aww, I’m sorry to hear you’re not feeling much better today.

    Sending you hugs :heart: you don’t have to put up a front here it’s ok to talk about how you’re feeling and I’m glad you’re posting on this thread for support :) 
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
    Liam
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    Thank you independent.
    I feel like I do have to put up a front here. I have the whole time on the chitchat thread. I'm starting to slip and struggle this afternoon. Not sure what to do to help myself as a lot of options I've tired but I just can't grasp the distraction or anything to help

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    independent_
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    Anyone available for a chat... please

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    Eleanor
  • EleanorEleanor Living the Zen life 🧘🏼‍♀️ Posts: 1,139 Wise Owl
    @GreenTea Of course! 
    Alis propriis volat 
  • GreenTeaGreenTea ☕🌻☕ MidlandsPosts: 8,438 Legendary Poster
    Hi, hello. I'm really struggling at the moment. I just feel so deflated and hated and much hate from myself towards myself too

    The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal.     

    Astrid Alauda

    Eleanor
Sign In or Register to comment.