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Body image.

GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
Hi all.

I'm really struggling with body image, there isn't a moment in the day I'm wishing something physically was different. I have so much hate for how I look, my shape.. the freckles on my arm. 
I spend so much time pulling myself apart whenever I come across a mirror. I'm constantly looking at others and wondering if they are looking and judging my body.
I hate it..I feel disgusting. Can't even shower without verbally abusing myself over how I look.
I've reached a point where going out feels like a massive challenge. What if others think I'm disgusting too? What if others think Im an odd shape? Too fat? Ugly?.. feet to big, ears too small...too many freckles on my arms...

Arghhhhhhhhh this is taking over every single day. I'm constantly tearing myself apart about how I look..my face..my body. 

I don't know what to do at this point. I feel like the hate I have for myself has completely taken over
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Comments

  • RileyRiley Moderator Posts: 991 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey @GreenTea I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling so much at the moment. Having a negative body image can seriously affect you and as you mentioned it can crop up at almost any time. It's understandable that you'd feel like this is a constant problem for you and I hope you know we're all here for you. <3

    One little thing that you might find helpful is picking just one or two little things about yourself that you really like, even if it's just something little, and focus on that. You might even find it helpful to compliment yourself out loud as if you're another person, it sounds odd but hearing good things about yourself can really lift your mood sometimes.

    You also mentioned that you worry what others might think of you, have you had problems with other people insulting how you look or is it only a worry you have? Feeling anxious about how other people think of you is a fairly common problem, I think just about everybody worries about that from time to time.
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  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Thank you Riley.

    Yes I've been bullied when I was at school and ex friends were very unkind and made comments about how I looked. It was really hurtful. There was once a group chat made where they posted a picture of me and just pulled it apart..how I looked..my shape, the fact I have glasses etc.. it was awful.

    I really struggle to find things I like about myself
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I'm having such a bad body image day :(
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Hi @GreenTea

    I'm sorry to hear today is a difficult day for you :heart: 

    It sounds like you have had some very hurtful comments and experiences in the past related to your body image. I want you to know that nobody deserves to go through that. Everybody deserves to be celebrated for the way that they look and the way that they are. Everyone is perfect just the way they are...even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes :heart: 

    I have seen a page on Childline's website about body image, and it also has some helpful video links too - you can read it here. I know it can be super difficult to believe positive words when you are feeling this way, but perhaps if you read some positive words, watch some positive videos and remind yourself of them every day, then maybe that will help you to love yourself the way you deserve to :smile:


  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Thank you.

    Today has been another really bad body image day. There's so much I want to change. I hate how disgusting and fat I am
  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @GreenTea I wanted to check in and see how you were feeling? Sorry to hear you have been struggling with your body image. Have you spoken to any friends or family about it? Can sometimes be good to get the opinion of someone you trust if you feel comfortable doing so. Sending hugs 💜 
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • Gemma1Gemma1 Posts: 123 The Mix Convert
    Hi @GreenTea
    I'm sorry to hear how much you've been struggling with how you look. It's awful to have experienced people saying nasty things about you, no one deserves to be treated that way and as hard as it is to believe sometimes, that just because they've said awful things, it doesn't mean they are true. 

    It can be exhausting to be constantly worried about what people might think of you and understandable you would be nervous from your previous experience. I agree with Riley that sometimes it helps to start small and find something you like about yourself, it doesn't even have to be a physical feature to start with and repeat to yourself then slowly add more. If you struggle to say it to yourself then sometimes it helps to write it down instead. 

    It can be devastating to have constant negative feelings about the way you look and feel like they have taken over but you are not alone and we are here for you.
  • Han93Han93 Posts: 309 The Mix Regular
    Hey @GreenTea

    Just wanted to give you massive cuddles - i'm so sorry you're feeling this way at the moment <3

    I've linked one of The Mix articles here about how to be kinder to our bodies and be more body positive if you think reading them would make you feel better:
    https://www.themix.org.uk/your-body/appearance/why-we-all-need-more-body-kindness-in-our-lives-32249.html

    There are also charities that work specifically on body image, maybe you could have a little look at these:
    https://www.bodygossip.org/home (The Your Stories section on here is particularly powerful and will show you that you aren't alone with how you are feeling)

  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Hello all. Sorry I haven't responded..I'm really struggling to the point I felt angry for allowing myself to say I was struggling with body image.

    There's nothing I like about myself. Nothing at all. I have so much hate and dislike for every aspect of my body. Somethings I can change like my hair, but it doesn't change my opinion and views of myself
    I've honestly started to hide myself more and more in baggy clothes. Trying to hide the flaws on my face that I dislike.. 

    Thank you @Han93 I'll have a look at that site later on
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Still really struggling :( keep trying to change things and hide how I look
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Hi @GreenTea

    I am sorry to hear that you are still struggling. But what's great is that you are talking about how you feel and are aware of these feelings. This might only feel like a small step to you, but they truly are great steps that can help you on your way to feeling better - you are a lot stronger than you think :heart:

    You say you keep trying to change things - could you share a bit more about what you mean by that? :heart:
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    My hair is an example of change. I keep trying to dye it then lift the dye out because I hate my hair. I wear make up even though I have a reaction to it, because I hate my face .. etc
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    Hey @GreenTea, I'm sorry that you are currently going through this but it's great to see that you are posting on here for support and advice.

    I recently finished reading a book on The Art of Living by the Dalai Lama. There's a section in the book where he deconstructs self-hatred, or low self-esteem, and shows that it can be turned into happiness.

    For example, he says that the purest kind of love is when you wish happiness for someone else unconditionally. Then he says, almost all people wish themselves to be happy eventually. So if you do want to be happy - which you arguably do because you have started this discussion thread, showing you want to start figuring out a solution for yourself - then that means you do hold an element of self-love :) 

    In a counterintuitive way, the very act of starting this thread about self-hatred has shown you have a capacity for self-love. I wanted to write this just to show another perspective on this situation, and to offer hope <3 

    A more practical question I have for you is if you have a journal or a diary? I have heard that it can be useful for people to write down one thing they are grateful for each day :) that way you start to build a habit of showing you're grateful for things, which has the potential to help you start to think more kindly about your own body... This is just an idea, no stress if you don't fancy it xo
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    edited June 2020
    This book sounds wonderful @JamJar

    If you did choose to read the book @GreenTea, it would be great if you shared your thoughts here and anything that you learnt. I am going to read the book too! :smile:

    I have also found this article filled with advice about learning to love yourself and your body image, which might be helpful too. You can read it here, but I wanted to copy and paste one of my favourite pieces of advice from it:

    'Think about what advice you would give a friend if they told you they were struggling with the way they look, and remember that advice whenever you start having negative thoughts.'

    Also, I wanted to emphasise that learning to love yourself and the way you look truly is a process, it's a journey. It doesn't happen over night and that is absolutely okay. What's important is that you are aware of these feelings and you are talking to us to try and change these thoughts, which is such a great step. We are all so proud of you, and I really hope that you can begin to find some peace and comfort in the way you look because you truly deserve to feel happy and secure in who you are, always :heart: 
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I haven't come across the book yet but maybe one day. 
    I don't journal because I can never stick to them..  I forget I make them and then find them month later with one page done. 
    Thanks for the advice though.

    I'll look at the article later. Thank you
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I keep catching myself in the mirror and hating everything I see.
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I wish this issue would just go away. Can't cope anymore
  • RileyRiley Moderator Posts: 991 Part of The Mix Family
    I'm sorry to hear you're struggling @GreenTea I hope you know we're all here for you. <3 It can be really frustrating having to deal with the same problem for so long so it's understandable that you'd feel frustrated with it all. Please let me know if there's anything we here on The Mix can do to help, even if it's just letting you vent when you're feeling rough. :)
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  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Thank you @Riley

    Just want this to go awau
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    edited June 2020
    Never mind. 
  • ZenZen Posts: 1,989 Extreme Poster
    @GreenTea I know body image can be a really hard thing! But the way I see it is that appearance shouldn't matter (even though in our society many people believe it does). To me beauty shines through personality which from knowing you on The Mix, you have buckets full and I love that! I just wanted you to know that! <3 
    Alis propriis volat 
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I keep comparing myself to others. I keep comparing and it hurts. I keep seeing people and wishing I had their body type, their slim figure. I wish I wasn't this fat and ugly... I have ugly scars other people don't have, I'm fatter than Everyone else..
  • Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    @GreenTea hey, I'm not sure if this helps but when I had this problem, I came off social media complely to limit exposure to diet culture and unrealistic body expectations. It's hard with ED's because of how complex and engrained they are. Taking this step won't make the thoughts go away instead they may help you feel less shit (excuses my language). I also wanted to say that your efforts in supporting the community hasn't gone unoticed❤️ I seee you girll 💞
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Thank you @Salix_alba_2019 eh it's not so much social media, I try to follow positive accounts and have a lot of communication and support of these positive accounts (I seem to of made good friends with s body positivity person who does TedTalks)
    It's more when I'm out and about.. walking home through town and like there's so many people and I just can't help but compare myself. It sounds so creepy and disgusting to say out loud..
  • Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster
    Ahh I get it, it's even harder when thars the case😢you sound like you have a great network  of peeps ❤️

    It's not discussing at all, I can't help but do it too sometimes especially when things get a bit "tricky" if you get what I mean. 
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Yh I have to walk through busy areas to get home from work so I can't avoid comparing myself and it's so hard. It puts me down for the rest of the day. I have so much hate for my body I'm sat trying to hide it under clothes and I'm boiling hot but I feel to embarrassed to take the hoodie off. I know I need to shower too but the thought of cleaning and seeing my body in the shower is horrible.. I always find showering so challenging because I really do attack myself mentally about my body
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I'm panicking. I'm panicking about what to wear tomorrow when it's 30+ degrees. My body is disgusting, I can't wear shorts and tshirts. I don't know what to do..  I don't want to collapse again..
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Been wearing a skirt for the past 2 days and I hate it. I keep wanting to cover up and cry but it's too hot to cover up and I'll pass out because of the heat 😭
  • GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    In a dress today but I feel so fat and insecure
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,054 Wise Owl
    Hi @GreenTea

    It may have been difficult for you to wear a dress/skirt in this hot weather, but...you did it :heart: And no matter how difficult it felt, that is totally something to be proud of. You did it, and I am proud of you! How are you feeling today? x
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