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Anxiety about university

hydrangeahydrangea EnglandPosts: 27 Cool Newbie
Hello to anyone reading this,

Tomorrow I move away to university for the first time. I feel sick whenever I think about it, even though logically I know that I'll be fine. I just can't help the nagging feeling that I won't be able to cope with being independent, or I'll end up isolated from my peers again - because I've never once had a stable friendship in my life and my brain wants me to think that I'll just let other people down or be let down over and over again for the rest of my life.

I also feel really overwhelmed because there's so many things I need to do, like arranging appointments with the university's disability service, enrolment at uni, choosing my modules, moving into my accommodation, getting organised for my course, cooking for myself.... I can't even begin to think of socialising on top of that.

Does anyone have advice on how to cope with being overwhelmed, or how to stop feeling so sick from anxiety? Any help is greatly appreciated.
I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable, reserve my right to be afraid
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way
I want to be a better person, I wanna know the master plan
Cast your stones, cast your judgement, you don't make me who I am.
ShaunieButterfly23Jade09

Comments

  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 699 Incredible Poster
    Hey @hydrangea

    I've been to uni and really relate to feeling really anxious before starting because you won't know what it will be like until you are there!! Hopefully you can find a bit of comfort that there are probably many people feeling the same way as you are right now, and you may just find some of those people that you can share with <3 

    I know it sounds basic but have you written yourself a list of things you need to do when you get there? I find lists super helpful to organise my thoughts and know when I'm making progress. What seems overwhelming might feel slightly easier when you start to tick things off!

    Sending hugs and massive good luck for tomorrow!

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
    Shauniehydrangea
  • hydrangeahydrangea EnglandPosts: 27 Cool Newbie
    Hi Lucy :)

    Thank you for your advice! For now I'm in temporary accommodation until Friday, however I feel a bit more organised than I did yesterday. I've put all the appointments I need to go to in my calendar with alerts to remind me.

    On the other hand I feel really isolated at the moment, I can't wait for lectures to start so I can meet all the classmates I've already made friends with on Facebook  =)
    I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable, reserve my right to be afraid
    I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way
    I want to be a better person, I wanna know the master plan
    Cast your stones, cast your judgement, you don't make me who I am.
    Lucy307
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 134 Super Moderator
    Hey @hydrangea

    This is such an amazing time of your life. It is natural to be nervous/anxious, and a lot of people will be feeling that way as it's commonly the first time people have moved away from their families. 

    By hearing how self aware you are it sounds like you are well placed not to let yourself become isolated. But that is also a natural feeling, and I guess being alone is something which is a new experience when you first move away. Different people need different amounts of social interaction and it's all about finding out how much you need to feel connected and comfortable. University is a learning process outside of the studies as well. 

    You mentioned you are a bit anxious about cooking for yourself. Do you have some recipes that you can rely on or would you like some tips for places to find recipes?

    I hope moving into your accommodation this weekend goes well. I'm very excited for you but I can also completely understand why it might not feel too exciting right now. 

    Maybe try breaking all of your goals and challenges up into smaller problems to solve. That might make everything seem more manageable - and may also make time go way quicker :) 

    Really really good luck! 
    hydrangea
  • CarolineVCarolineV Posts: 133 The Mix convert
    I'm glad to read that you were feeling a bit more organised yesterday @hydrangea, and that you're excited to meet some new people! When do your lectures start? And what are you studying?

    As the others said, university is a really exciting but also scary time-I'm starting my 6th year this time and I still feel the nerves a little. It sounds cliche but it does get easier over time, you learn how to cook and where the buildings you need to get to are.

    Excited to hear how you're getting on!
    hydrangea
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 276 Rampant Poster
    Hi @hydrangea

    I remember feeling exactly like you when I started university. I worried about every possibility, but what I never anticipated was how much I'd grow as a person at university - even without realising. And I know you will do too :smile: 

    I understand the isolated feeling at the beginning, but when the timetable kicks in there will be so many opportunities to meet new people - in lectures, inductions or a variety of social events if they are your thing :smile: It's good to hear you are excited to meet your classmates - that's such a good idea to connect on facebook beforehand! 

    Best of luck with your university journey, remember to take each day as it comes. It would be great to hear how you get on - we are all here for you :heart: 
    hydrangea
  • hydrangeahydrangea EnglandPosts: 27 Cool Newbie
    Thank you for the support everyone!

    I'm taking small steps to feel better - today I had two appointments with the university's disability service to finish organising my support.

    I don't feel up to socialising yet, however I have been outside for the whole day just relaxing around the university campus by myself. Just being outside makes me feel better, especially since the weather has been gorgeous today  =)  Hopefully when I meet my flatmates for the year they turn out to be nice people! I also hope I can become good friends with the people on my course.
    I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable, reserve my right to be afraid
    I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way
    I want to be a better person, I wanna know the master plan
    Cast your stones, cast your judgement, you don't make me who I am.
  • RileyRiley Posts: 405 Super Moderator
    Hey there @hydrangea it's really great to hear how much everyone's support has meant to you, seems like it's been a big help!

    Taking small steps is totally understandable and after alll any progress is worth celebrating. How did your appointments with the university's disability service go? Reaching out for support like that can be difficult so it's great to hear that you've managed it. :)

    Here's hoping everything goes okay when you meet your flatmates and be sure to let us all know how you're getting on. We're rooting for you!
    hydrangea
  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling DurhamPosts: 375 Moderator
    Hi there @hydrangea :) It's great to hear that you're moving forward with getting support from your university. Making use of their wellbeing services will be a big help during your time there - it's definitely something I wish I'd done sooner! 

    Well done for getting out and enjoying the campus! Familiarising yourself with everything while it's still relatively quiet is always an advantage. I hope you get on well with your flatmates! In the meantime, we're all here to support you <3
    hydrangea
  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 591 Extreme Poster
    Hey :)

    Make a list of everything you need - there are some checklists online! A lot of people are worried to go to university, but since you're all in the same boat, you'll find a lot of people are friendly because they're equally scared! Hope you have a great year - you've got this!x

    Much love <3
    hydrangea
  • PoppyBPoppyB Posts: 167 Moderator
    It's fantastic to hear that you've found helpful support on the boards @hydrangea - that's what The Mix is all about :) 

    Great suggestion from @Lucy307 about making lists of what needs to be done -  I always find it helpful to break down what you need to do into smaller steps to make it more manageable and less overwhelming. 

    I'm glad to hear you are in touch with the disability service - it's so important to have a formal support network at university. And well done on spending the day getting out and about on the campus, it always helps to familiarise yourself with where everything is :) 

    Let us know how you get on with meeting your flatmates and how your first few lectures go - you'll realise that everyone is probably feeling just as anxious as you are. Best of luck on your course <3

    Jordanhydrangea
  • hydrangeahydrangea EnglandPosts: 27 Cool Newbie
    Hi everyone, freshers week is coming to an end so I'll write an update!

    My flatmates all moved in last Sunday - on that day I was terrified of meeting them, so I stayed in my room all day and literally shook with fear. Pathetic, I know lol. But the next day I bumped into the girl in the room next to me, and she turned out to be really nice! I was panicking for nothing. I'm glad there's only 2 other people living in this 6-person flat - I don't know if I could handle living with a large group of people.

    Over this week I attended a few meetings with my department. Since I'm studying Japanese the staff keep reminding us that it's going to be A LOT of hard work these next few years, which I think I'm prepared to do. I'm so passionate about Japan and I really hope to live and work there someday.

    Other than that I haven't gone out very much this week, as I'm not much of a night out person. I've explored the city a bit. Went to a craft fair yesterday. Had a little look round some shops. But today I attended a social for my uni's Japan Society, which I've paid a year's membership for. The event was basically lots of chatting, making new friends, etc. I'm genuinely really proud of myself for attending the whole event and socialising with lots of people, even though I was quite awkward! It was also really noisy and I couldn't understand what people were saying half the time haha.

    Anyway, overall freshers week hasn't been a failure, so I'm satisfied! Classes start tomorrow, looking forward to starting learning Japanese!!

    Thank you everyone for your comments and advice. If anyone is interested I can keep this thread updated on how my classes are going?
    I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable, reserve my right to be afraid
    I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way
    I want to be a better person, I wanna know the master plan
    Cast your stones, cast your judgement, you don't make me who I am.
    coc0macPoppyB
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 276 Rampant Poster
    Hi @hydrangea

    Thank you so much for the update - loved reading this, and would love to keep hearing about your classes!

    I'm so pleased freshers week turned out well for you - I'm proud of you as well! It's perfectly fine not to be a night out kinda person, I'm not either, but it sounds like you did some really great things in the day time. That's a huge thing going to the society social, massive well done! It sounds like a really interesting course so I'd love to hear how that goes :smile: And so pleased to hear your flatmate is lovely! 

    It's great to share positive stories like this as it can be really helpful and uplifting for people feeling the same way as you did at the beginning of the week :smile: Best of luck with the rest of term!
    hydrangea
  • PoppyBPoppyB Posts: 167 Moderator
    Hi @hydrangea :)

    Congrats on making it through freshers week! It's so great to hear that meeting your flatmate went well and that you are getting on well with exploring local shops/events. I can hear how passionate you are about Japan and I think it will definitely help with your studies :)

    I'd love to visit Japan someday, there are so many beautiful sites and incredible culture so I'd love to hear what you get up to in your course. 

    Huge well done for attending the Japan society social - you should definitely feel proud! Did you meet new people on your course there? 

    Sending you lots of luck for the term/year ahead <3 
    hydrangea
  • hydrangeahydrangea EnglandPosts: 27 Cool Newbie
    First week of classes is over!

    First of all, thank you @coc0mac and @PoppyB for the comments! As for your question Poppy, yes I have met lots of people on my course, though I wouldn't say I'm properly friends with anyone yet. I'm so shy and introverted and awkward so it's always been really hard to maintain contact with people and get close to them. This is something that's been weighing me down for many years, I'm scared I'll never have a meaningful relationship in my life ever... 😔Actually in a class yesterday I really wanted to make conversation with some people there but I suddenly got hit like a bus with anxiety and couldn't speak at all... It was horrible ugh.

    Anyway, as I expected, the course is very intensive right from the start. A lot of material has been covered this week in the language classes, and I have lots of homework and studying to do already! It's what comes with learning a language, so it's not surprising. It is still a bit overwhelming though lol. Hopefully I will be able to keep on top of it all - I have an anxious feeling that I'm going to burn out later on and lose my motivation.......

    Either way at least I feel safe knowing there is plenty of support available to me: I have a weekly appointment with a specialist mentor as funded by my DSA, who helped me plan out a study timetable in this week's session. I also had a one-to-one meeting with one of my language tutors today to discuss how my disability/mental health condition will affect me in work and in the classroom, and how I can be assisted if problems ever arise.

    It's going to be a lot of hard work these next few years, but I am determined to get my degree - fingers crossed for graduating with a first!! Thank you for your support if you're reading or commenting on this thread, it means a lot to me 😖💞
    I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable, reserve my right to be afraid
    I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way
    I want to be a better person, I wanna know the master plan
    Cast your stones, cast your judgement, you don't make me who I am.
    coc0mac
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 276 Rampant Poster
    Hi @hydrangea

    Massive congrats for completing your first week of classes! And thanks so much for the update :smile:
    I can hear you're feeling a bit anxious about burning out later on, but I wanted to remind you how great you are doing right now. You completed your first week, spoke to your tutors and I can see you are feeling very determined to get your degree - this is all so great to hear! I believe in you :heart: 

    It's really good to hear that you feel safe knowing there's plenty of support available. It seems you've been really proactive about speaking to the right people and discussing how to best support you, which is such a great step - well done :smile: 

    Take good care, and best of luck with your university journey! You've got this :smile:
    hydrangea
  • JohnBolanderJohnBolander Posts: 5 Newbie
    I had same problem... Dam that anxiety!
    hydrangea
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