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NatalieMTNatalieMT Posts: 177 Helping Hand
Whiskey before school to lessen the painful feelings, to bury the hurt, to mask expression from the badness I felt, to numb myself ready for his next ‘go’
Before the school bus on top of a building no longer used, no one can see but it’s cold, it’s cold but I’m numb, I’m drunk. 
Dropped my pants for him, his sexual acts, 12 years old, it wasn’t ok, no one stopped him that was my normal, he was hurting me he wasn’t hurting anyone else, I’d hold back fear expressionless he wouldn't see me cry or complain just feel it m, the disgust with myself aside of the numbness, the stuck and painful feeling would pass. It would stop eventually. I’d stagger on my bus to school with no one the wiser
Dirty
Trash
Slut
But to school I hide in the toilets and cry at my life 
I know what and whoI am, I make myself sick daily for the memories 
Broken

Comments

  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    You didn't deserve to be treated like that and it sounds like an absolutely awful thing to have gone through. Thank you for sharing this <3
  • mags98mags98 Posts: 287 The Mix Regular
    Thank you for sharing @NatalieMT

    I've moved this over to the creative section which I think will be better suited there 
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