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Struggling more than ever šŸ˜­(safe, just ranting šŸ’—)

Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
edited June 2019 in Health & Wellbeing
Iā€™ve been waiting for this to happen, all the thoughts have come flooding back and each time this happens I get knocked down more and more.Ā 

All I want is to feel happiness šŸ˜­Iā€™m trying so so hard and no ones helping, itā€™s not anyoneā€™s fault they try there best and MH services arenā€™t funded enough but it feels impossible right now.

Memories are coming back really strong and emotions that I havenā€™t felt are overwhelming me šŸ˜”my self harm and eating urges are terrible and just struggling to find a way out of this. Itā€™s come on so quick, Iā€™ve been so anxious for the past few days and now my moods just hit me.Ā 

Thinking of going to GP again and asking for meds cause Iā€™m not coping and the things that they have recommended arenā€™t working at the moment.

sorry for ranting I just needed to let it all out šŸ’— I am safe thoughĀ 

Comments

  • AbigailAbigail Posts: 816 Part of The Mix Family
    edited June 2019
    Hey Butterfly,Ā 

    Sorry to read you've been knocked down again. Well done for coming on here to rant and let out some emotion. How are the thoughts at the moment?Ā 

    Sometimes we give are best and try are hardest to fight the thought and urges but sometime they cant shift so we have to feel them and not give them the power to take over. Have you spoken to the mental health service yet? Sadly a lot of teams have to cover a wide range but they are very short staffed and very underfunded. The memories of your past will always be there, but don't give them the power to bring you down your strong than them memories and thought. You have a a whole future to look forward to. There is a quote which says, "You know your on the right path when you lose interest in the past." Keep looking at where you want to be in 5 years, if thats in university in a job use that as your goal to keep fighting, it doesn't have to be 5 years, it can be in 24 hours, a week, a month, etc.Ā 

    You mentioned about speak to your GP about medication, is this something you feel will help in the long term? I understand your reasons to want to go on them but being on them for a small amount of time can be hard to come off them, its something to think about.Ā 

    I'll just add this in, It has different ideas and a list of distractions you might not have thought ofĀ http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf

    Keep talking to us Butterfly, we are here for you. x

    Abi
    Some people think I am unhappy. I'm not. I just approach silence in the world that never stops talking.
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hello @Abigail

    I appreciate you replying, at the minute the thoughts are still bad but Iā€™m feeling a bit calmer than I was. Iā€™ve been very agitated all day but Iā€™m a little better now which Iā€™m going to be happy about šŸ˜Š

    Havenā€™t spoken to MH service no, still waiting to here from new CPN should be next week or week after at the latest.Ā 

    In in terms of meds, in the long term I donā€™t think they will help me and I know in the short term they arenā€™t usually worth it. Only considering because couple of staff at college have told me that they might help, just while I get that support because Iā€™m not coping at all, hardly going out and really slipping but understand that it isnā€™t helpful overall.Ā 

    ButterflyĀ 
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,143 Part of The Furniture
    Hey @butterfly23.

    How are you doing today ?Ā 

    Its good to hear that Your new CPN should be in touch next week or the week after. How are you feeling About that ? Ā I know how long and frustrating the wait can be, but your nearly There now ā¤ļø

    This is Something Beth taught me, our Urges come in waves and itā€™s around about halfway up that wave is where we Self harm instead of all most essentially ā€œriding the wave outā€. But if your able to ā€œride that waveā€ and allow yourself to reach the Peak of that urge thatā€™s when it will begin to decrease and your notice as time progresses Those urges get less Intense, less frequent and less Long.( picture in spolier to help explain it )Ā 




    Ā A good App to help with this is Calm Harm , they have a catolouge Of activitĆ©s everything from creative to breathing excises to help you ā€œride that waveā€ . It also allows you to see when the urges are most frequent - morning, evening and afternoon, your able to keep a reflective diary after youā€™ve done each activity and it shows you which activitĆ©s you use the most which more than likely means there the ones you find most helpful

    I hope today goes Better for you butterflyĀ 

    Aimee :)
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • alice123alice123 Posts: 88 Budding Regular
    Hi @Butterfly23

    Thank you for opening up and talking to us. We are here for you.

    How are you doing today?

    I know how difficult this can be from personal experience and I just want to reiterate the excellent advice from @Abigail and @Millie2787. I also want to reiterate how strong you are to be facing this and finding options that could work for you.

    My advice is to go to the GP and be as open and candid as you can about how you're feeling. Although this can be tricky, it allows you to fully explore your options and what will work for you. Medication is a tricky topic as it is such a personal decision, therefore if you are considering it, discussing the pros and cons with your GP is the best way forward (or at least, it was for me)!

    Sending hugs <3Ā 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    Heyy!

    thanks for sharing! Ā How are you today? Do you know what helped you to be less agitated last week?

    Its definetly hard and annoying when try but either not working or no ones helping. Youre doing really well to keep going and seeking that support.Ā 

    Have you been to your gp about meds yet? Or seen your cpn? Meds can sometimes help but they can sometimes make things worse tbh and think always important to know that.Ā 

    Hope youre doing okay today <3 were here for you
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • StephanieStephanie Moderator Posts: 1,083 Wise Owl
    Hey Butterfly :heart:

    Just wanted to send you some hugs, and let you know we are always here for you :heart:
    Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" - Albus DumbledoreĀ 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
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  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Thank you for the support everyoneĀ <3
  • StephanieStephanie Moderator Posts: 1,083 Wise Owl
    Hey Butterfly :heart:

    Just wanted to check in to see how you're doing? Sending hugs :heart:
    Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" - Albus DumbledoreĀ 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey @Stephanie

    I am doing a lot better than when I put this thread up, a little anxious today but my mood isn't too bad :)Ā 

    Thank you for asking <3Ā Ā 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,463 Skive's The Limit
    Hugss x glad to hear youre feeling little better, hope it lasts or improves. Always here when you wanna talk x
    ā€œAnd when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.ā€ ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Thank you @Shaunie
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