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Hi, my name is Shay.

TillIStopTillIStop Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
in Health & Wellbeing
Hi I'm Shay. My story is long so buckle down. I was sexually assaulted by my uncle when I was 6-8. I used to fantasise about killing myself a lot when I was younger, now I'm just living in oblivion. We went to court in May, they refused some of my evidence and let my paedophile uncle back on the streets. After finding out he was roaming around again, I then found out my dad has cancer. During all of this I had a phantom pregnancy. I was so convinced I was pregnant that when the doctors did an ultrasound for me I cried. It was like loosing a baby I never had. So ever since I've had extreme maternal depression. Not only that but, my boyfriends dad just walked out on them. All this and I'm only 17 and work 40 hours a week in a nursery were I'm surrounded in the only thing I want, a baby. I'm horribly depressed, anxious about everything, suffer with horrifying anger issues and body issues and I'm in constant agony. As you can see I'm clearly a ray of sunshine. But I'd love to find some hope. People to help. A place to rebuild, I hope that place is here.
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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hello Shay and thank you for sharing here <3 I hope we can help you rebuild and provide the hope that you need. 

    I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through and it takes a lot of courage to go to court and give evidence and I'm just sorry he's been let out. 

    How is your dad doing, is he going through treatment? 

    Have you spoken to your GP/ mental health professional about the phantom pregnancy and maternal depression? It sounds like a really painful time as you will be mourning after experiencing such trauma... Have you also taken any time off work, or could you, to try to come to terms and get support? 

    Let us know how you're getting on, sending hugs <3
    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    TillIStopTillIStop Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
    @Lucy307
    Hi, thanks for the welcome.

    The kind of cancer my dad has is un-treatable until it grows so we have to wait a few years for the cancer to grow before it can be treated.

    I spoke to my GP but, because of my age they didn't really take the phantom pregnancy too seriously so I kind of keep it to myself.

    I took a week off work with a sprained ankle but, I've never taken any time off for mental health, mostly because I'm an apprentice and I need the money as I only get payed £3.50 per hour. 

    Honestly, I'm tired.
    The hugs are appreciated <3 
    - Shay
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    Han93Han93 Posts: 309 The Mix Regular

    Hi @TilllStop

    I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through, it sounds like you've had a really tough time. But thank you so much for sharing it with us, I really do believe in the power of getting all your feelings out there and so I hope by posting this you felt some kind of relief. We are all hear to support you <3

    Mind have some really useful tips for Self Care for Depression which I think could be really helpful if you wanted to give them a go: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/self-care/#.XQiiC01YaUk

    With regards to work and mental health, Mind also have a Wellness Action Plan which you and your manager can fill in so they are aware of how you are feeling and what they can do to help: https://www.mind.org.uk/workplace/mental-health-at-work/taking-care-of-your-staff/employer-resources/wellness-action-plan-download/

    Are your manager/work colleagues aware of what you've had to go through?


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    TillIStopTillIStop Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
    @Han93
    Yes they are and as much as they are sympathetic they kind of just brush it off. I can't really show how I feel at work as I work in a nursery and I wouldn't want to upset my kids.

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    Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hello welcome to the community! 

    Things sounds really tough for you at the moment, and I hear you are feeling overwhelmed <3 

    Please keep talking to us and letting us know how things are, 

    Butterfly x
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Heyy Shay and welcome !

    thanks for sharing and being so open. That does sound like a lot so i hope youre doing lots of things to take care of yourself. Youre doing really well with going to your nursery job, it doesnt sound easy if there a babies everywhere

    Hope we can give you the space to say how youre feeling and give you some hope

    Take care
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,851 Extreme Poster
    Welcome!x
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    Maddie05 said:
    Hey Shay, i'm Maddie, it's really good that You have reached out for support, you didn't deserve to be treated like that by your uncle, it just have been terrible. I hope your dad is doing good, wishing him all the best. The Mix has a wonderful community, everyone is kind and understanding, and if you are confused about anything on here, just get in touch with any of the moderators like @Aife or @Mike. 

    I'm sorry, but I don't have much advice to give you, but I really hope things go well and to plan <3

    You really deserve this support, and so we will try hard to give it to you <3

    It must be really hard working somewhere where you don't get paid a lot, do you enjoy your job? I hope your day has been good 👍.

    Wishing you all the best, and spreading hugs! x

    Take care! <3

    - Maddie, 13
    Libby said:
    Hi Shay, welcome to the mix! Well done for opening up about everything, as I know how hard it is and the courage it takes. Im really sorry to hear about your feelings and everything you're going through. Although you can't express yourself at work, you can here because we can help you to feel understood. I hope that we can help you rebuild because we will listen whenever you need to talk or vent and support you whenever. Take care and spreading hugs xxx
    Hey @Maddie05 and @Libby, just closing this thread as it's very old and it's best not to bump discussions that have been inactive for about a month. It's good to check the date of a thread before posting in it. :)
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
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