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Jelousy

JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,874 Extreme Poster
in Health & Wellbeing
hi,

i am having an issue and I hate myself for this so please try not to judge me too much I know I am horrible. Basically my cousin has mental health problems too and we see the same private therapist... my aunty talks about him and his problems and when he is seeing the therapist etc and I get really jealous. It really stresses me out thinking that he is more ill than me - don’t grt me wrong I don’t want to be ill I just feel like my therapist might think my issues are pathetic compared to his :( also his mum (my aunty) is so supportive and kind to him with everything but I struggle with my mums response to my mental illness. She basically tries to minimise everything and doesn’t want anyone to know incase it makes her look bad. For example (I’m trying to make this non triggering but if it is I’m so sorry) when I self harmed and it was quite bad I told my mum because I needed to go to hospital but she said no and made me put a plaster on it.... which was a complete fail... I won’t say and explain properly what my doctor said I had done COs don’t wanna be triggering but it was bad. She denies my problem with alcohol too and just pretends I’m fine basically. 

I feel like such a dick being jealous but I am :( 
The sun will rise and we will try again 

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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited May 2019
    Hey jelly! 

    Thanks for sharing & being honest. I wouldnt say thats being jelous. It sounds like you feel youre less heard ? which isnt anything to feel bad about. Appreciate how you feel though. But no ones problem is bigger or smaller / worse.  We can not feel how someone else feels - so no one would ever know if someones problem is actually worse. It does sound hard but you just have to focus on yourself and how you are feeling. And realise we can not tell how someone else could be worse off. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    JordanJordan Moderator Posts: 343 The Mix Regular
    Hi @Jellyelephant

    It sounds like you are feeling the response from your mum isn't like the response your auntie gives your cousin, and that this upsets you.

    If you don't mind me asking, do you mind telling us a bit more about how you feel your mum minimises or denies your problem?

    You say you are worried that your therapist might think your problems aren't as important as his. Has your therapist done anything to make you think this?

    It can be helpful to not compare our problems to anyone else. We all go through different things and something that one person can deal with, another person might not. I think your therapist will realise this and won't compare patients to one another.


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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,874 Extreme Poster
    Thanks for the replies. There’s two parts of my jealousy:

    1) seeing the same therapist as my cousin. I always compare us and feel awkward as I think he is more ill than me... and like I feel v awkward when my therapist mentions it... like recently I was talking about a bad day and she was like I know it was your aunts birthday this week and I was like..... yeh.... awkward..... thinking my cousin has been talking to her about it and his struggles. So mine might seem pathetic in comparison. It’s hard for me. 

    2) feeling let down by my mums response to me when I see my aunt being so supportive of my cousin. Like my mum pretends everything is fine because she cares more about what other people think than how I am.... she prevents me getting help because she says it makes her look bad.... she doesn’t access medical help for my self harm when I need it... basically she just ignores everything lol 
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @Jellyelephant

    I hope you are okay and I understand the point that you are making, I think at times it can be normal to feel jealous when it comes to mental health and other people, although it’s not a healthy way of thinking. I’m sorry your mums response isn’t great, I understand that because mine wasn’t either and it’s hard but in time she will hopefully gain more knowledge and understanding. Think the main thing is too remember that your problems are valid and are just as important as anyone else’s x

    Sending you lots of love and I hope things work out for you soon, 

    Butterfly23
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