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[OLD] The 'I need a hug' thread - please read first post before posting :)

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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    @kathleen0172 Huge huge hugs wish i could take it away for you <3
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Omg I'm nervous to just go spend time with my guinea. This is pathetic. I'd almost not do it but A, I really wanna spend time with her every day I can especially when she's a lone piggy, and B, I tend to feel worse when I don't anyway.

    I feel like a crap owner, sometimes I almost consider rehoming her because of that and the anxiety but I couldn't. I def love her to bits and try to show that and I try to take the best care of her I can but I still feel shit.



    Huge hugs to you too @Millie2787 xo
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    SkyeIsNotTheLimitSkyeIsNotTheLimit Posts: 86 Budding Regular
    I'm so certain people at work think I'm crazy because I get too excitable. I'm scared they'll find out about my BPD and start questioning me. I swear I'm not manic, I just like being in people's company and making people laugh.

    Hate judgement so much.
    I told her once I wasn’t good at anything. She told me survival is a talent
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I managed to spend time with her. But now I'm back to sitting with my laptop typing away on here cause I'm anxious - I think my heart's beating fast and I'm a lil shakey from it. And just generally scared and paranoid and on edge. It's so hard just make me even a little better :(
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    kathleen0172 said:
    I managed to spend time with her. But now I'm back to sitting with my laptop typing away on here cause I'm anxious - I think my heart's beating fast and I'm a lil shakey from it. And just generally scared and paranoid and on edge. It's so hard just make me even a little better :(
    @kathleen0172 in anything goes in positive corner there’s a thread @shauine started called calming gifs , take a peak some might help 💖
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I'm scared to clean her out/do her veg tonight :fearful::'( I'm just scared of being around her cause I feel like something bad will happen and I feel powerless. I'm really trying. It's just so hard. I'm worried it's just gonna be like last night. It'd be one thing if I could assure myself that she's fine, but the thing is I can't cause my anxiety's making me go into a bit of a fight/flight thing and insisting she's not fine. It's so hard. I'm just trying to do everything I can to reassure myself enough to just make it through the night. Idk everything's so difficult and I'm so scared.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I'll just go sort her out now and get it over with I guess. But I'm seriously really scared, I have physical symptoms. I'm trying to remind myself that I'll get through it, it's going to be okay, but my anxiety isn't listening. I'm petrified of seeing her paw at her mouth. I'm gonna cut the veg extra thin/small tonight and hope it eases my paranoia but... yeah this is so hard to handle, genuinely can't make it stop and don't know how to cope. Okay, I need to breathe, it'll be fine... Buuuuut anxiety ain't so sure. I'm just so scared of seeing her paw her mouth it's ridiculous. If she doesn't and seems herself, that'll ease my panic, but if she does, that'll terrify me. It's a 50/50 really. But yeah, guess imma go get it done with. I have to do it, so what's the point in waiting, let's just get this over with and hope I don't burst into tears with panic. Really sorry for blabbering I'm just trying to calm myself down but to no avail.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I can't cope anymore omg I'm so scared.

    She pawed at her mouth again. I don't know what's wrong. Don't even know if something is wrong or not. I'm literally scared to look at her, petrified for her to eat.

    Sorry I'll stop spamming the thread now. I'm just so tired and scared. Help me :( dunno how to get through this. Terrified. 

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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Litreally have no friends left . I’ve just had to say to one of my friends it’s best I’m not around her right now after she sent me a long ass text about how she feels I’m holding her back in her recovery. Maybe it’s for the best but I just feel so fucking terrible 😭 I’m litreally too intense for everyone 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit

    I hate myself. I always feel ashamed after consentual sex but feel more ashamed & disgusting this time. 😭😭😭😭 i cant cope

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Clearly I’m too much for people , it’s fine I’ll just keep myself to myself from now on 😐
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hugs everybody xoxoxoxoxo
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Feel so terrible 😩
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    No wonder i have an eating disorder when my mum comes round and watches TV and goes like "oh shes fat" "ew look at his fat" " everyones fat". Why so obsessed. 

    Really dis like her tbh.  Can not believe i lived with her. I cant even handle her in small doses anymore
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    I don’t really know what’s just happened mum said I have a freak out Becasue I didn’t know who anyone was or where I was . I randomly asked some people who they were , I just went all disoriented and confused ?!?!?!  God knows all I know is now I’m really tired 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Everyone is jusy fucking pissing me off. Feel like crying and screaming lol. Why wont my family leave me the fuck alone when i tell them to. Fml they dont seem to understand i liek my own space. Why is that such a weird concept.  Dont want to fucking hear vioces 24/7 and dont have to stay down stairs i dont fucking want to but guess they have forced me too fucking assholes
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Sat sobbing at how much of a fucking mess I’ve turned my leg into 😭
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    trigger warning
    I really dislike myself and feel unlovable:( I wish I had a different body. Like I really wanna transfer my consciousness into a different person. Someone pretty, charismatic, likable and just generally a great person, who I like and feel comfortable being.. You know? Idk I just... hate being myself I guess. I feel too fat and that I have terrible skin and awful hair and idek. It's crackers, cause I want to get a new look to help improve my confidence, but I feel too ugly to know what would look good, never mind look at myself in the mirror to try to figure it out.


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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Omg im so stressed. I don’t know if should carry on process thing with Volunteer work with Samaratians & go to their information meeting. It sounds very stressful
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Tired confused overwhelmed and I just want to go home 😩 someone please take it all away 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    ArianaAriana Posts: 193 Trailblazer
    I had a really terrible weekend and am not doing well today either. Just not even coping with life anymore. Even just existing feels too hard. :'( When does it ever get better?
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    BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    They left marks on my body, but the ones I left after are much worse. They called me vile things but the things I call myself now cant compare. their actions are burned into my mind, but the flashbacks and nightmares scare me even more. What they done shouldn't still bother me 'just get over it' people seem to say, but how can I forget something when I relive it every day and night? its not just something easily forgotten when it's constantly staring me in the face, Memories, voices, flashbacks, nightmares and more, there is no escaping it. there is no getting away from this torture, its one thing when it happens once, but when your own mind keeps making you go over it time and time again, it will slowly kill you. 
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Well done you’ve just proved how much of a fuck up you really are , such a twat , why can’t I stop I just want to stop 😩😭
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I don't see how I can get better without meds. But I'm so apprehensive to get help cause of how CAMHS may react. Just dunno what to do. Think my only hope is going to the doc but am kinda scared to do this. 😞
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    edited February 2019
    why can’t I just stop this , I promise people I will but I never do and even though it’s relieved the voices that tell me I’m fat and ugly etc i know feel terrible and shakey.

    Someone at placement even commented and said oh have you lost weight , how have you been doing yours then and I just told them I’ve changed what I eat 😭

    [edited by moderator to remove mention of eating behaviour]
     ⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ 
    Post edited by TheMix on
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    I just want to be at home but i dont have wnough energy to move from this bench lol and feel dizzy 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    edited February 2019
    Oh god there's so much to sort out and I feel confused and overwhelmed. Guess I have no choice but to push through things confusing me or making me doubtful or scared. It's totally up to me to change things I guess - nothing's gonna happen if I just sit around miserable. So I have to get back up and fight I suppose. But I still dk where to go :(
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Im so sadd
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,146 Part of The Furniture
    Ok well that high was short lived and coming down is horrendous - I feel so shit 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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