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Not coping with losing our dog any day now

AidanAidan Clever idiotPosts: 2,081 Boards Champion
edited December 2018 in Health & Wellbeing
She isn't the first dog we've had in my lifetime, but she's the first I've seen grow from a pup to being old and grey. So I'd defend saying she's my first dog.

Her name is Truffle. She's a beautiful chocolate labrador. We got her when I was young, I barely remember a time without her and it feels like she's always been there through everything. I always came home to her. That mischievous happy spark to anyone's day. She'd never let me be scared or alone.

She's gotten worse, much worse, although human cough medicine has helped a little. Heart or lung problems seem apparent. She's well old enough for a labrador to die, there's no putting that off now. She's been there for so much, I'd never seriously considered the reality of a time where she'd be gone.

She's going to the vets on Monday. I don't know the details, hopefully just for a check up. In a perfect world there'd be medicine or pain relief or food that could give us just a little longer with her, to spoil her and let her know how much we love her. In this world she might be put to sleep right then and there. Today could be our last full day with her. Our last chance to make her life a joy.

I can't remember a Christmas without her. I expected maybe next year's or the one after we'd have to deal with that painful absence for the first time, but it was looking like she'd make it to this one. She was so close.

I feel I've already mourned her. I've had depression, but I've still never cried more in my adult life than these last few nights.

I know if it's her time, it's her time. And of course I want what's best for her and for all the suffering to just go away. I'd try anything first but I know it's going to happen either way. I want to be there for her when it does. I don't know how I'll keep myself together, but I don't want her to be scared or alone. I'll do it for her. 


"Do, or do not, there is no try" <(•.•)>              
Shaunie

Comments

  • Millie2787Millie2787 🐶 💜 Posts: 3,014 Boards Guru
    Ohhh Aidan she is beautiful.

    A few years ago we had the same problem with our cavilier Millie - she had bad heart and lungs and we tired everything to keep her alive even having her out on medication but sometimes you need to stop and think that is it really the best thing for them or are you just keeping them alive for you ( sorry if that sounds so harsh) 

    When there ill it is the hardest thing to see I used to just sit and cuddle her and she was my soul mate and we have had her years - but she gave a good run of course and was older than they are expected to live - by the sounds of it truffle had given life a good go and is getting pretty old now.

    she won’t be scared or alone becasue she will remember all the amazing memories she had with you and your family and she won’t be scared as she knows you love her 💖

    Maybe if it is time for her to go in the near future if you wanted to even before Christmas go take a look at your local animal rescue shelter and don’t let people say “ohh your just replacing then “ you won’t ever replace her mum used to and still does say your just keeping her legacy going through another dog 🐕 

    Stay strong Aidan lovely 

    you know where i am if you need me 

    Aimee xx 💖
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • LaineLaine Llama Mama Posts: 1,949 Extreme Poster
    Lovely reply there Millie :)

    I know it's hard Aidan but we're all here for you x

    And it's important to remember the good times and if she has to go that you're a good person for it. 

    I know it opens a hole in ones heart when ones dog dies, because they're precious they really are but it's definitely important to hold onto the times had, and to the times to come be it just today or more. 

    It's hard as you say to keep yourself together and I couldn't for Rosie so I never went..
    I always regret that because it doesn't matter if you go with her and cry. At least you're with her and she'll know how much you cared from start to finish.
    And she'll reward you back by remaining in your spirit. Now at first this will be difficult,  but after some time when you think of her you'll just remember everything about her and all the naughty little things she got upto(i can see some cheekiness in her,  if not now in her pupper past hehe) 

    You know we're all here for you.  And while I lost two of my bestest friends in the world.
    It's still hard to find the words to say because we all cope differently.  But our doggos always mean the same to us,  everything.

    The best I can offer is that I'll be here through it all if you need me xo 

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille

    "Here's to the ones that we got
    Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not" ~ Maroon 5

    Avatar credit: •Toaster-a• 
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,936 Taking your piece of the pi

    Hey Aidan,

    That was painful to read. I really sympathise, so sorry... :(

    I lost my lovely dog about a year ago. I'm not going to say I know how it feels, though I do know it's a horrible experience. If it's of any help, you can get through this <3

    Truffle sounds and looks like a lovely dog.

    We're all here to sympathise and offer support if/when you need it. I wish you the best.



  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,081 Boards Champion
    Thank you both for the kind words and for being understanding. It's sad to hear what you've both been through as well, but the joys a dog brings always outdoes the sorrow at the end.

    I didn't think her condition was that bad yet, and it seemed she was still getting enjoyment from life, but only tomorrow at the vets can we really find out.

    I don't want to prolong her life for the sake of it. I want what's best for her. I want her suffering to end, and if nothing can be done for her condition or any pain she's in, I know what we have to do. It's gonna happen sooner or later, and I'm trying to come to terms with that.

    I'll always have memories of her- I still remember when we first got her, she was the pup in her litter who I thought was the cutest, but got picked on (in 5/6 year old me's head) by the rest. She's always meant mischeif, as a younger dog she'd rag the bottom of your trousers as you walk by and even as an older dog she'd run off on walks and pretend she's deaf, but hear you perfectly fine if you mention treats or walkies even under your breath.

    She'd leave behind two more labradors, they will have each other for company but they'll miss her very much, especially the eldest.

    At the minute I'm making sure to treat her and remind her she's a good girl, comforting her when she's in pain, and I'm taking and collecting pictures of her and have got some fur saved from the last time I brushed her.

    I'm scared for what tomorrow could bring. I'm expecting the worst, hoping for the best, but I know that we'll do the right thing for her.

    Thank you both <3

    Aidan
    "Do, or do not, there is no try" <(•.•)>              
    Millie2787Kathleen07Laine
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,081 Boards Champion
    @kathleen0172 thank you. It was painful to write too, and I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. 
    "Do, or do not, there is no try" <(•.•)>              
    Kathleen07
  • LaineLaine Llama Mama Posts: 1,949 Extreme Poster
    Sounds perfect Aidan xo 

    I still have a little memory box for Rosie.
    Her best collar,  Some hair,  printed off pictures, a cut out picture of her favourite dog biccies (she loved these like doggy cheerio biscuits, full of junk but she loved them as a treat and lived on them near the end haha)  and of course her favourite blanket and toy.

    It is hard but now all I see when I think of her were the good times and great life we gave her 💕

    Aw she sounded so mischievous as a puppr haha even now I can see that puppyness in her eyes still haha.

    She definitely sounds better and healthier than some dogs so there's a lot of hope still xo

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille

    "Here's to the ones that we got
    Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not" ~ Maroon 5

    Avatar credit: •Toaster-a• 
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,081 Boards Champion
    I still have a little memory box for Rosie.
    Her best collar,  Some hair,  printed off pictures, a cut out picture of her favourite dog biccies (she loved these like doggy cheerio biscuits, full of junk but she loved them as a treat and lived on them near the end haha)  and of course her favourite blanket and toy.
    That's such a beautiful thing <3

    Truffle hasn't got a toy that's survived her haha, but there are plenty of photos and boxes of treats and other momentos, the lead she's had for years, memories, I could all save somewhere safe.

    Thank you for being so supportive, I'm more hopeful now that tomorrow won't be the end, but I was in an awful place these last few nights about her and I've yet to come to terms with the fact that we will still eventually lose her.
    "Do, or do not, there is no try" <(•.•)>              
    Laine
  • LaineLaine Llama Mama Posts: 1,949 Extreme Poster
    It is hard to come to terms with, it's good to do a bit of both.

    Come to terms with the fact they won't live forever but don't worry about it just go about your day and enjoy your time together xo :)

    (spoiler warning simply because it's a little sad, can have a negative effect and not entirely needed for my point 💜)
    Towards the end I wished I hadn't forgotten her as much.  She was my best friend in the world and always will be but at some point I became a recluse due to certain reasons and she couldn't get upstairs. I spent our last day together (we knew it would be she was so much worse off she couldn't even get up anymore) I know she loved me and I wish she could talk to hear about how she changed my life 💜

    Aside from from the sad portion haha my point is I got so cocky I just thought she'd live forever and when the day came that proved me wrong I was shocked. I just wish I went with her. Xo

    Truffle looks so happy and full of life I really truly believe she will carry on for longer 💜 but when the time comes don't have any regrets because she loved you always x just be there for her and don't fixate on it but know that one day will come just to prepare yourself in advanced :) 

    Remain positive right up until the last minute. I have hope she will go on and as usual, we're here for you whatever the case xo

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille

    "Here's to the ones that we got
    Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not" ~ Maroon 5

    Avatar credit: •Toaster-a• 
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,081 Boards Champion
    Thank you Laine <3

    We couldn't make it to the vets today, but she's got an appointment for tomorrow at 9:45. I don't know what to expect, but strangely I can find a little comfort in the uncertainty because it leaves room for good news as well as bad.

    I know she won't live forever, and neither will anyone I know- death is something I need to come to terms with, and be able to appreciate pets and family and friends but also strive to be able to live without them whilst holding on to all the happy memories and lessons learned.

    I regret not spending as much time as I could have with Truffle, so I can empathise with your experiences to an extent Laine. It sounds like it was tough to go through with and I'm here if you need to talk. The past is in the past- there's nothing I can change about it but I can make changes to the future, and I'm giving Truffle the attention and comfort and walkies she deserves while I still can.

    I'm not sure there's much anyone can do to completely prepare for such a loss, but this has taught me how precious memories are and how we should never let a day go by without making them with the people (and of course non-peoples) who are important to us.

    Take care <3
    "Do, or do not, there is no try" <(•.•)>              
    Laine
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,936 Taking your piece of the pi
    @Aidan hey, I hope it goes well at the vets. Give Truffle a pat on the head for me <3
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,081 Boards Champion
    kathleen0172 said: Give Truffle a pat on the head for me <3
    I have done, thank you <3

    I wanna get out of the way first that Truffle is still with us. The visit to the vets was stressful, for us and her, but it needed to happen.

    The vet couldn't tell the cause of the cough from a physical exam. But, during the exam, he found a lump on her side that causes her pain to touch, and it's something we feel so stupid for never seeing before. 

    Without knowing for certain what is wrong with her, there's no treatment, no medication they can give. To find out, we'd need to have her anaesthetised, x-ray, blood tested.

    Though the illness is still surrounded with uncertainty, the visit cleared any uncertainty about what to do next. 

    Elderly dogs, especially when there are lung and heart issues suspected, aren't guaranteed to survive anaesthesia. The x-ray and blood test may still show up nothing. If surgery is needed, if it is discovered what is causing the cough, she may not survive that either. On top of that, she'd have to repeat the process for the lump. 

    The chances of any of this working, the likely lethality of repeated anaesthesia, the stress it'd cause, the prospect of her going without us there to comfort her or say goodbye- it isn't worth it for the small amount of extra time it could give her.

    We've decided it's best for her to manage the pain, take her for lots of walkies with us as a family and with the other dogs, treat her, comfort her, until her quality of life begins diminishing- and then we know what we need to do, and we will be there for her.

    There's no trying to give her more time anymore, all we can do is give her a better time.

    Thank you to everyone who's been so supportive of Truffle and me during all this <3
    "Do, or do not, there is no try" <(•.•)>              
    Laine
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,301 Part of The Furniture
    edited December 2018
    Hey Aidan,

    Just echo'ing what has already been said here, just wanted to pop on to send you some hugs, your not alone :heart:

    We are here for you 
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,936 Taking your piece of the pi

    I support that decision Aidan - I think that's the best choice for her. All of this must be very hard for you :-(


    It's good to know that you clearly love and care for her a lot <3

  • LaineLaine Llama Mama Posts: 1,949 Extreme Poster
    It's good news but definitely must be hard,  we're all here if you need us but i'mm glad truffle is doing okay 💜

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?" ~ Bastille

    "Here's to the ones that we got
    Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not" ~ Maroon 5

    Avatar credit: •Toaster-a• 
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 9,314 Supreme Poster
    edited December 2018
    I’m Sorry I don’t have much to say. But been following your posts here and wanted to give my support. I hope you and Truffle are doing okay <3 
    if you have the strength to sustain anorexia you have the strength to overcome it
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,081 Boards Champion
    Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts <3
    "Do, or do not, there is no try" <(•.•)>              
    LaineCarolineV
  • Lauren223Lauren223 Posts: 32 Boards Initiate
    Hey Aidan,

    I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through a tough time lately. It must be very difficult for you at the moment with Truffle being unwell. You've made a really positive step by coming here and telling us how you've been doing. It's never easy seeing someone you love unwell. You've been really brave being so open with us about your thoughts and feelings, how are you feeling today?
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